12+
Оглавление - A littel book of nonsence
- I
- There was a young fellow of Kansas
- Who couldn’t remember the Lancers; When they’d got half way through He’d forget what to do,
- Which flummoxed the rest of the dancers
- II
- There was an old man of Sheerness, Who invited a friend to play chess; But he’d lent all the pieces To one of his nieces, And stupidly lost her address
- III
- There was an old fellow of Trent, Who sold little boxes of scent; But they said to him «Smell them Yourself ere you sell them!» Which made him feel far from content
- IV
- There was an old fellow called Cox, Who tried to jump over the rocks; But they said «Poor old feller, He has come a smeller, And look at the holes in his socks!»
- V
- There was a young fellow of Treves, Who met with a watery grave; There was nobody nigh To attend to his cry As he sank ’neath the swallowing wave
- VI
- There was a young fellow of Cadiz, Who said «What a blessing Free Trade is; But it’s not my ambition To turn politician — So let’s go and talk to these ladies.»
- VII
- There was a young man of Athlone, Who was trying to ride like Tod Sloan; But a brute of a bee So bewildered his gee That he hardly escaped being thrown
- VIII
- There was a young fellow of Brill, Who supported the Parliament Bill; But he’d larger ideas For reforming the Peers, And suggested a better way still
- IX
- There was an old fellow of Derry, Who loved to see every one merry; So he asked them to tea At a mulberry tree, And gave them some excellent sherry
- X
- There was a young fellow of Sark Who wandered about in the Park When the constable said He’d be better in bed He replied «I’m afraid of the dark.»
- XI
- There was a young fellow of Sherborne, Who would go to church in a turban; When they put him outside He politely replied That he thought their ideas were suburban
- XII
- There was an old fellow of Reading, Who went to his granddaughter’s wedding; When they asked for a present He tried to look pleasant, But said «This is what I was dreading.»
- XIII
- There was a young housemaid at Ashdown, Who strained herself pulling the sash down; Being duly insured, She was months being cured, But the doctor insisted on cash down
- XIV
- There was an old girl of Carstairs, Whose villa required some repairs; When she asked if the plumber Could finish next summer, He said he should be there for years
- XV
- There was a young lady of Bude, Who frequently painted the nude; So that some of her pictures Invited the strictures Of many an ignorant prude
- XVI
- There was an old man of Baroda, Who said, «I perceive a bad odour»; When they said, «Is it faint?» He replied, «No, it ain’t,» So they fetched him a whiskey and soda
- XVII
- There was a young fellow of Biscay, Who gave all his horses some whiskey; Which resulted in some Being quite overcome, And others decidedly frisky
- XVIII
- There was an old fellow of Shere, Who wanted to act Chanticler; To say that his dress Was a brilliant success Would be saying as much as we dare
- XIX
- There was an old man of Shoreditch, Whose motto was «Down with the rich,» But the mounted police In the interests of peace, Succeeded in queering his pitch
- XX
- There was a young man of Dunblane, Who was seized with a horrible pain; When his wife asked him «Where?» He replied «Somewhere here; I must never touch muffins again.»
- XXI
- There was a young man of New Cross, Who rode a most marvellous horse; As it couldn’t be matched, All the others were scratched, And he simply walked over the course
- XXII
- There was a young fellow of Belvoir, Who in Love was a stern disbeliever; But on going to the Castle To take them a parcel, He caught the insidious fever
- XXII
- There was an old man of St. Abbs Who wanted to buy a few crabs; His annoyance was great When they offered him skate, And turbot, and haddocks and dabs
- XXIII
- There was a young man of Lepanto, Who started to teach Esperanto; But they said, «It’s too much, We would sooner learn Dutch,» And told him to pack his portmanteau
- XXIV
- There was a young lady called Mabel, Who hated a room with a gable; If there wasn’t another She said, «Oh don’t bother, I’ll sleep on the dining-room table.»
- XXV
- There was an old lady named Bonamy, Who lectured them all on astronomy; But they said, «It’s a bore, We have heard this before, You should stick to domestic economy.»
- XXVI
- There was a young man of Strathpeffer, Whose uncle grew deafer and deafer; When he asked after Mary, He thought he said «dairy,» And said, «She’s a beautiful heifer.»
- XXVII
- There was a young lady of Rome
- Who got lost in the great Catacomb At the end of the week She was found by a Greek
- Who insisted on seeing her home
- XXVIII
- There was an old man of the Wye, Who said, «I could sit down and cry; When the fish are all biting, This d — —d little whiting Has swallowed my favourite fly.»
- XXIX
- There was a young man who said
- XXX
- There was an old man of Montrose
- Who discouraged his granddaughter’s beaux When she asked them to call He said nothing at all
- Or caught them a whack on the nose
- XXXI
- There was an old fellow of Tweeddale, Who played on the flute and the fiddle; But he made such a din That the neighbours came in, And made him leave off in the middle
- XXXII
- There was a young man of Spithead, Who never could get enough bread; Till he married a wife, Who restored him to life, For she made it herself — so she said
- XXXIII
- There was a young lady of Garth, Who was just getting into the bath, When her mother said, «Nelly, You must eat this jelly, You’re getting as thin as a lath.»
- XXXIV
- There was a young damsel of Ore, Who tickled a fool with a straw; Quoth the fool, «How it tickles, I can’t eat my victuals, Oh, don’t make me laugh any more!»
- XXXV
- There was a young fellow of Raby, Who behaved like a regular gaby; When he went to the castle, To call for a parcel, He wanted to dandle the baby
- XXXVI
- There was a young man of Belgrade, Who used to catch fish with a spade; When he’d caught three or four, He would fling them ashore, Where he fried them in warm lemonade
- XXXVII
- There was a young fellow of Hawarden, Who entreated his visitors’ pardon; The boiler had cracked, As a matter of fact, So he brought them some lunch in the garden
- XXXVIII
- There was an old fellow of Lee, Who hid himself under a tree; But when winter came round He was easily found, For the leaves had come off — don’t you see?
- XXXIX
- There was an old lady of Lee, Who thought that her Chow had a flea; She was so much afraid, That she rang for her maid, But the butler said, «Leave it to me.»
- XL
- There was a young sportsman, whose trouble
- Was constantly seeing things double His dog and his ape Took a duplicate shape
- And he noticed the same with the stubble
- XLI
- There was an old man (of great age), Whose daughters were both on the stage; To the one who was Scotch He presented his watch — To the other a beautiful cage
- XLII
- There was an old knight of New Cross, Who was riding a troublesome horse; But he said, «If he rears, I shall just box his ears, Though I’d rather use kindness than force.»
- XLIII
- There was a young man of Southall, Who went to a fancy dress ball; Information we lack As to how he got back — Or whether he got back at all
- XLIV
- There was an old fellow of Leek, Who believed in compulsory Greek; As from being at college He’d no other knowledge, The reason was not far to seek
- XLV
- There was a young man of Belgrade, And this was a drawing he made; People called it absurd, Though the critics averred That he must have been taught at the Slade
- XLVI
- There was a young lady of Sfax, Who purchased some promising hacks; But when riding astraddle Without any saddle, She frequently fell off their backs
- XLVII
- There was an old lady of Nice, Whose house was a haven of peace; Till they all got so warm Over Tariff Reform, That they had to call in the police
- XLVIII
- There was a young fellow of Sheen, Who was trying to reach Gretna Green; But he saw with impatience That all his relations Were trying to be first on the scene
- XLIX
- There was an old man of the coast, Whose wife was as deaf as a post; Unaware of his tread As he staggered to bed, Or the groans of the family ghost
- L
- There was a young fellow of Pisa, Whose wife was descended from Caesar; The shape of his feet Made her joy incomplete — But she valued his efforts to please her
- LI
- There was an old fellow of Sheen
- Who was hired to read to the Queen But she told him to stop When he got to the top
- Of page ninety in chapter sixteen
- LII
- There was a young lady of Shere, Who was loved by an indigent Peer, But she sacrificed rank To a share in a Bank — About 35,000 a year
- LIII
- There was a young lady called Pippa
- Who wanted to play hunt the Slipper But she said she’d prefer Their removing the spur
- For fear that the rowel might nip her
- LIV
- There was a young man of Seattle
- Whose brothers were killed in a battle He feelingly said, «It’s a pity they’re dead —
- But I shall inherit their cattle.»
- LV
- There was an old fellow of Quorn, Who borrowed some dogs and a horn; Though he hadn’t a nag He got hold of a stag, And chased it all over the lawn
- LVI
- The Lord Chamberlain, once, on a day, Was requested to license a play; But he said, «If it’s clever, My answer is Never!» And told them to take it away
- LVII
- There was an old fellow of Parma, Who purchased a new suit of armour; When they said, «Does it fit?» He replied, «Not a bit — Pray leave me until I am calmer!»
- LVIII
- There was a young lady whose bonnet Had many remarks passed upon it; But she answered them, «Rats! — If you want to see hats Look at these of my brothers’ — they’re chronic!»
- LIX
- See here how the damsels of Spiers, Await the return of their Squires; At the long-looked-for hour They wave from the tower, And light all the drawing-room fires
- LX
- There was a young man with a yacht, Who said, «Whether you love me or not, You can hardly refuse Just to come for a cruise»; But she fainted away on the spot
- LXI
- There was an old man of the rocks, Who never could find any socks; So he put on his shoes And his second-best blouse, And danced a quadrille with a fox
- LXII
- There was a young lady of Annan
- Whose father-in-law was a Canon For artistic research
- And consorted with Ricketts and Shannon
- LXIII
- There was a young man of Newport, Who was tried for a jester at Court; But he frankly confessed, After doing his best, It was more of a job than he thought
- LXIV
- There was a young man of St. Gatien, Who strongly believed in cremation; And few could find fault With a family vault That contained every single relation
- LXV
- There was a young fellow of Horta
- Who saw something strange in the water Preparing to dive He cried, «Bake me alive
- If it isn’t the Coastguardsman’s daughter!»
- LXVI
- There was an old man of Peru, Who took both his boys to the Zoo
- But when some silly goose Let the animals loose
- He didn’t quite know what to do.
- LXVII
- There was an old man with a flute, A serpent ran into whose boot; He played day and night, But it didn’t take flight, So he finally went for the brute
- LXVIII
- There was a young fellow of Hawarden, Who was practising golf in the garden; But he said, «If this fly, Doesn’t instantly die, I’m sure I shall never beat Vardon.»
- LXIX
- There was a young student of John’s
- Who always made friends with the dons He would ask them to dine Or to biscuits and wine
- With a dish of most excellent scones
- LXX
- There was a young fellow of Sparta, Whose wife was a regular tartar; When his apathy shocked her She went for the doctor, And said, «He pretends he’s a martyr.»
- LXXI
- There was a young man of Algiers, Whose dog had been savage for years; So he bought him a roll (Which the brute swallowed whole), And then gave him a box on the ears
- LXXII
- There was an old fellow of Tooting, Whose favourite amusement was shooting; When he wounded a bear, And took aim at a hare, They thought it was time to be scooting
- LXXIII
- There was a young fellow of Clewer, Who was trying the open-air cure; When they said, «Are you snug?» He said, «Bring me a rug — It’s really too much to endure!»
- LXXIV
- There was a young man who’d a pup, Which he trained for the Waterloo Cup; But though healthy and sound, It would lie on the ground, And firmly refuse to get up.
- LXXV
- There was a young fellow of Pannal
- Who rowed himself over the channel When they said, «You’ve no hat,» He replied, «What of that?»
- And wrapped up his head in a flannel