Creepy stories about scientists

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The summary

Would you like to do science?

To survive in a scientific (like any other) environment, it is necessary to constantly trick. But how it is concrete? This question is answered by the author using his life experience and the experience of comrades, graduates of MEPhI and subsequently, military engineering academy. Many «pitfalls» that are not visible to a young man planning to become a researcher have been unearthed. Familiarity with these facts can significantly influence a young man’s choice of his way. If anything, his choice will be more conscious.

Perhaps some of the thoughts expressed in this book will be unpleasant, and will raise objections from readers, but it would be quite boring if everyone thought the same.

The theme mentioned in the given book is so serious, that without jokes to manage it was not possible.

For a narrow circle of beginners – pseudoscientific quasi-scientists.


It is protected by the law on the copyright. Infringement of the restrictions imposed by it on reproduction of this book or its any part, including registration, is pursued in a judicial order.

The maintenance

Scientists: We discovered electricity for you, invented the Internet, cured many previously deadly diseases.

Society: Thank you, but we will give most of the money to those who kick the ball well, get their fingers on notes or pretend to be other people.

«The talent is not present — Take brevity»


«On all a cause of peace to see their person, it is necessary to look from a wrong side».


«We know too little and badly study, therefore we should lie».


«Absolutely without fraud it is impossible».

Brave soldier Shvejk

«Searching for true — the liar. He searches for happiness, instead of true».

De Kassere

«True love that it is useful. Therefore to true prefer advantage».


«What use in the book to the one who does not possess own mind?»

«Madness of units — an exception, and madness the whole groups, parties, the people — A rule».


So, my way in a science is finished. When I in 16 years old entered the institute, first, in general a little that thought, has given in to a gregarious instinct, and, secondly, in those days there was no place to go. Or on factory to the machine tool to go? Then in army that there over me scoffed? Studying at institute (MEPhI prepares science officers, instead of engineers), I dreamt to get for work to any big scientist to follow his instructions, and gradually grow in the scientific plan. The validity has appeared another. As I tried to change work places, me not the elk to be attached to the present scientist –«locomotive». As a rule, even if would be glad me to take, the reason consisted that there is no vakancy! Well here you will do? Freedom of scientific creativity in engineering science is very strongly complicated in difference, for example, from painting. There take a paper with a pencil, and draw, that you want. And here the weight of objective material factors, moreover and principles of a social system, to put it mildly, do not promote it. So, when I have arrived in MEPhI we «as rams» have distributed at faculty on specialities, not having thought at all to ask our consent. My «supervisors of studies» not only did not help, and on the contrary, constantly tried to insert a piece from my dissertation into his. Affairs when your supervisor of studies himself not yet has protected the doctor’s are especially bad. Then he is ready to take all from your dissertation. Well, and «You then somehow». If you are dissatisfied with it, the reptile is you, and in any way he! At first I thought, that it to me so does not carry, but has then come to conclusion, that practically everywhere so …. To put it briefly, there is no better a saying approaching for the given case, than: whether «you have ceased to hope for others?». Only after I have acquired this true, and have started to work over the dissertation at own discretion, not paying attention to opinion and instructions of «supervisor of studies», deals, at last, have gone. As a rule, «supervisor of studies» competitors (not post-graduate students) practical participation in work does not accept. Certainly, if efficient thoughts throws up, the price to it is not present. However more often his instructions — empty room on the set theme. But if competitors receive interesting results, without it in any way.

The vicious circle — while is not present the scientific equipment necessary to you, will not receive powerful results, and without them nobody will give money for the equipment. The results already confirmed with experiment use demand basically only. Thus, to tell a new word in a science it is practically impossible. If only it is casual. If you have appeared near to the corresponding standing idle equipment. Also it is necessary to make a work body quickly and imperceptibly that the heads have not guessed in what business, and that will immediately appropriate all merits. And, the important law consists that in overwhelming majority of cases theoretical a prediction even very clever people are not justified. Examples set. Here on my eyes the person did very serious dissertation where certain crystals should grow. Absolutely under all theories they well have been simply obliged to grow. Instead of grow also all here! It was necessary to throw this theme. How people leave a similar situation? Simply all go from other end. If it is casual in experiment will find out any the interesting law then turn all inside out, and represent business so, that they ostensibly have theoretically predicted this effect, (write a heap of plausible formulas) and already then experimentally it have confirmed! And on this principle the overwhelming majority of scientific works is constructed. As they say, when do not reach wished, pretend, that wished they reached.

My opinion — a science is effective for very well financially secure person who has possibility can be engaged only, not thinking of «daily bread», on the means and at own discretion to buy the necessary equipment, materials, to engage employees. (If money is not present hectares plans, those become dream). Not used equipment it should have possibility immediately to sell and buy the necessary. And the most important thing — to change subjects of the work not asking permissions. Otherwise — one torture and time waste. All forces and time leave in sand. Laboratory premises appear are filled up by not used equipment which, probably, is very necessary for someone. And that to you now it is necessary — is not present. But on the other hand, at good means and the purpose are not necessary. While it is still live, yes at money it is necessary to have fun.

Often I so was lead up by «heads» petty greed, that I for own beggarly salary bought radio components necessary for work, materials or tools. I considered it, more cheaply to me will manage, than to write a heap of demands, something to prove, collect signatures, the press, to wait months, and that, can, will not give anything. And even if you will wait, by then need in the equipment, probably, already will disappear. Even earlier there was a shop of chemical substances where it was possible to buy without problems their small quantities for experiments. But now from fear before terrorists all process of purchase extremely have complicated.

According to United Nations recommendations, the payment below 3 dollars at an o’clock is inadmissible. At such money the person loses stimulus to work and inevitably starts to steal. Therefore the majority of the Russian scientists are simply compelled to have collateral (now more likely, it already the basic) a source of incomes. And in a science are engaged during remained time, so to say, by a residual principle. Efficiency of such work, certainly, very low. Verses Panchatantra are recollected: «when is not present the end to cares where to get sezam, rice, salt, clothes, fuel even the wisest person loses reason in poverty». My familiar professor from MEPhI has told to me a typical case. With huge work it has beaten out the grant for the scientific group. Joyful, he has come running for work and has informed on it to employees. To his surprise, on their persons he has not seen delight. It has appeared, that all of them were attached to earn additionally for a long time already somewhere, and in working hours. And here to work it is necessary really on the basic work. Money small pays for the grant, and in two years it will end. That will be further — it is not known. Additional work you will throw, and whether then it will be possible to renew it?

Whether there is a sense to the modern young man to go to a science (in our country)? Money, material benefits scanty, and that, all «in the long term». Any «ecstasy» because, what you in any narrow area can be, something new will dig out? But even if you will make something, standing politicians and officials will dispose of it finally. If you will distract completely on a science, you at this time lawyers-economists will rob to a thread, and all will be under the law. (If now all national property belongs to a small group of billionaires what for my relatives all during war protected it?). To count the grown rich inventors fingers of one hand, probably, will suffice. Respect of a society? More likely a sneer. Now in honor only successful swindlers. It is interesting, that in our society it is accepted to name «creative intelligence» and «stars» first of all any clowns and actors that is people who on a scene represent from itself not at all what they actually are. Not casually among them the large quantity of mental diseases when the person so will get used, for example, at image of Napoleon or D’Artanjan develops what to «be survived» cannot any more. So, recently one actor playing supermen, has rushed off on the car, as at cinema, on a counter strip. And here, «carry away». Another was forgot so, that has arranged pogrom and shooting at restaurant. It is enough actor to have cool, fool a physiognomy — and you already Talent. If also physiognomies idiotic to build has learnt, you in general the genius! One of them is a talent because he is thick, as a dirigible balloon. Another has The Shrill opposite voice. The most intellectual in this circle Zadornov. But also that last time drives such flat jokes! But In a hall laugh, already from armchairs fall. Here if I with such nonsense have got out, then a nasty broom have sent on errands.

Certainly creative people musicians, that is people who under the set program in a step have got skilled at to press buttons of various musical instruments admit also. The computer does it incomparably better. Though, of course, in a good company, at a fire, together to sing under a guitar… And if before a many thousands audience, yes for big money, it not art, but business. And here it is the best to replace actors with computer avatars. That, however, in Japan already also have started to do with success, having replaced some TV presenters. And so already on Body To the screen electronic stuffed animals skip and shout (and even in general howl worse dogs of Bascerwill) any delirium under a soundtrack.

Strange to see, how in a huge hall of thousand people motionlessly sit, sitting out callosities on a back place while on a scene dance or sing. The grandfather to me told, that earlier in any village people danced, drove round dances, sang chorus, played accordions or balalaikas, composed russian chastooshkas, at last, box fights arranged. That is, were engaged in art. And has now sat at theatre, as a sack with dung — and type a sack has spent time.

Often on TV shed tears concerning that any actor known in due time now on pension lives in misery. It ostensibly a disgrace! It is necessary for it to provide comfort, and to help all world. And when the person of a useful trade — the miner, bread-maker, or the turner on pension live in misery are like as normally, and indignation special does not cause.

Or we will consider Very much Disputable trade in moral sense — lawyers. At me the woman — the lawyer bragged, as it has dexterously withdrawn from punishment of the notorious criminal. I to her have told: «Than brag? Same meanness». And she to me: «Is not present-is not present! That you!! Here at all no meanness is present, you simply backward person, not understand … … it … … … mmm …. …. eee … …. Well, simply it is a trade such! Doctors treat a body, and we treat souls! Here is how!!». So gradually these sights enter into a essence of the person-lawyer, and it begins similar perverted principles to be guided even in home life. Therefore any personal relations with them to have it is impossible. Here, for example, a sight from within — the statement of the lawyer V.I.Lenin: «It is necessary to take lawyers echinoid mittens, to put in a state of siege, for this intellectual the swine often do bad things». (V.I.Lenin, v. 49, p. 154)

And as about super-intellectual elite of intelligency — Journalists? Them have already done over any measure. All wish to be engaged in such job. And in what it consists? Yes here, for example, recently in several editions has come across on same байку how the daughter has bought mothers new mattress on birthday as a surprise. Old has on the sly thrown out. And in that mattress старушенция hid one million dollars! Here they also are fed with that, that copy each other similar bosh which actually, most likely and was not. And then, years through five when all will forget, again same story will pull out, will turn a little, and again a money on it will cut down. The main principle here — has uttered a crow, money has received, and there though do not dawn! I was not too lazy, have looked quotations for the publication of such articles. Also has understood, that for decent earnings journalists should rivet such bosh as on the conveyor, littering it all mass media. That they with success also do.

Why period of validity of the patent for the invention is limited by 20 years at very considerable payments for its maintenance in force, and the founder of a work of art has the rights for life, moreover and numerous descendants round its product are fed throughout 70 years after his death? From here and crisis. All youth aspires not in sphere of production of goods or other socially useful area, and there where has guessed (notice, has guessed or has learnt by heart, instead of has shown creative abilities!) a word — also receive one million! And for the rest of the life it is possible to live a parasite! Here the true purpose of modern youth (mine too). Well and it is natural, presently «especially creative people» have run to register in gays that though somehow to be allocated and get any, but popularity. One example. The inventor of kersey boots Ivan Vasilevich Plotnikov, (Which it is made more than 150 million pairs and which utility is difficult for overestimating) All life veins in municipal apartment on modest pension. And insignificant men give interview, sitting in the magnificent country houses. The paradox consists that room service society for elite (cooks, clowns, hairdressers, newsdealers, tailors) suddenly steels society «elite».

So, we, representatives of a scientific and technical direction, unlike them, probably, any second-grade, «not creative» intelligency. Abroad it is accepted the person with scientific degree validly to call the doctor or the professor such. At us it is the representative of any doubtful «layer». So, Lenin’s statement in this occasion is widely known. I have begun to doubt, itself have got into his compositions, and here that have dug out: «Intellectual forces of workers and peasants grow and get stronger in struggle for overthrow of bourgeoisie and its helpers, intelligency, Footmen of the capital, thinking itself a nation brain. In practice it not a brain, and a shit» (V.I.Lenin, From A.M.Bitter’s letter, the September, 15th, 1919, the Full collected works, the edition the fifth Publishing house of the political literature, 1978 v. 51, p. 48—49). Though, may be he only «creative intelligence» meant?

For last years there was a definitive falling of prestige of a trade of the scientist in our country. «Levada-centre» researches show, that only 6% of Russians would like to see children and grandsons professors, scientists and teachers, 10% — sportsmen, 16% — businessmen, 23% — economists. At the same time, in the USA by results Researches on ranging of prestigious trades in 2002 the trade of the scientist has appeared the most prestigious — 51% of the population named it «extremely prestigious».

Though, we also do not take offence. As they say, let though a pig-iron pot will call, if only in the furnace did not put. Only here they («creative intelligence») deceive (i.e. represent on a scene and on the screen of feeling which actually do not test, invent any situations which never was, and could not be in a life, etc.). Politicians at all do not deceive in the meanest image, and «are engaged in pre-election rhetoric». It is all declared quite normal and admissible. And what if we, science officers, too are able, we love and we wish to stamp a pretty deceit? And too, maybe, we will wish to receive for it the big money, glory, honor, popularity. Than we are worse? After all the beautiful and clever lie is too creativity! It is better than this silly, boring and opposite truth. The main thing that looked solidly and promised pleasant prospects.

The young man in a science should be engaged in that chiefs will tell (that is necessary for THEM that you did) and for what pay in IT, instead of that is interesting to him. It turns out, that for the cheap salary, moreover and in uninteresting business to be engaged! Someone’s there ideas to check. To what this voluntary slavery? N.Viner has perfectly told: «I am especially happy, that I had not to be long years one of small screws of modern scientific factory, to do, that is ordered, to work over the problems specified by the heads. I think, that, be born I during a present epoch, I would manage to reach the little. I with all my heart regret modern young scientists, many of which, they want it or not, are doomed to serve because of» a spirit of the age «as intellectual footmen or the timekeepers marking time of arrival and going away from work».

To begin to (be registered) on the scientist, it is necessary to pass through itself and to process mountains of absolutely superfluous information which has turned now from the vital help only to annoying additional difficulty which need About to overcome! (How here not to recollect K.Dossi: «it becomes rare great the one who has not found in himself courage to neglect knowledge of set of unnecessary things»). As a rule, the main reason on which many young men badly study, consists that they do not see concrete advantage of the received information in the foreseeable future. It is known, that nobody gets tired, receiving the useful. If there was a concrete, obvious and immediate advantage of study — anybody it would be not necessary to force to study a stick. It is perfectly told: «As in an antiquity of a science did not demand long studying scientists were simultaneously and clever people». It is indicative, that M.V. Lomonosov considered admissible to spend to 70% of time of a public statement for a substantiation of its urgency. Being the student, I have not born once, have risen at lecture on the theory of dispositions and have asked the lecturer who is selflessly writing out infinite formulas on a board: «As well as where all of us it Let’s practically apply? After all the main thing not to know something, and to be able something useful»! That has already choked with indignation and could not even utter a word. As though I have offended it mortally. Such there was a terrible mute scene after which I became its enemy number one. And I with huge work managed to hand over — таки to it this damned examination on the four necessary for reception of the grant. And here such professors have sat down on educational chairs, and litter to students a head with the Are senselessми, idealistic courses. And to that is necessary on a life, students, as a rule, do not learn. And there is nobody to learn. Who is able to work — works. Who is not able — learns.

As well as everywhere, to survive to the usual person (and it is good to survive) in a science probably only at the expense of cunning. That scientist who is not to some extent the swindler is bad. After all if all to do frankly, observing all Rules and Instructions no forces and means will suffice for work performance. Great Baltasar has told: «the Rule reasonable — to go against rules if differently not to finish conceived». Besides, the lie impurity always increases эффектность result and pleasure from it. So, even S.P.Korolev has in the early sixties declared: «Through all any twenty years will fly to space under trade-union permits!». It was echoed by Verner a background Brown: «we will soon sell tours in space on 5000 dollars!». It that, they were not guided in a situation? It is impossible to believe in it. Simply followed a principle «Give here, and I to you will present promises!», as it is told at Khayyam. And a tour in space, by the way, minimum thirty millions dollars now costs.

The major principle, both in a science, and in art has perfectly expressed Ivan Repin: «Tell lies, but make beautifully!». However, and O. Khayyam too understood an essence of the matter: «Without a deceit to live it is impossible, my friend. After all not people, and wild animals around. If vital blessings streams have become scanty — water from a field of the stranger to itself take away». It is interesting, that in a science to be engaged in fraud practically safely. Here, as well as in the politician, for swindle of criminal cases do not get, and at all do not fine. Already that fact, that 90% of living scientists all ever live now, and great, The revolutionary results for last fifty years it is not observed, shows, that here something not so. Well, in technologies there are, of course, shifts. But is R. Fejnman’s textbook differs significant from the modern textbook of physics? Now the abstruse theories based on very disputable assumptions and many-storied mathematical constructions of a lack are not present. However they have so come off experiment that became similar simply to mathematical gymnastics. At institute where I worked, there were some hundreds theorists! And an academic council as have counted up, how many them at our institute, so have strongly reflected.

The lion’s share of efforts of the majority of modern scientists leaves on punching of scientific dust. Really, efficiency of the scientific employee is estimated presently on weight of its publications! I have not made a reservation. Weightiness of proceedings is estimated in kgs (or if want, in number of pages, that, as a matter of fact, the same). Naturally, all scientific employees aspire to stamp somewhat quicker It is as much as possible articles! Attempt to estimate scientists by quantity of citing of their articles other authors is undertaken. But also here have found a way out. Scientific steels to unite in collectives which «on a circle» quote each other to a place and out of place.

Thus, it is possible to compensate insufficient depth of thoughts with success in its length. If in a science something also becomes useful it is done by 20% of scientific employees. And the others of 80% think, that they are a part of these of 20%.

The main thing in scientific activity, as well as in any another — vigour! It is necessary to shake up intensively foam to be kept afloat. The normal situation is when from you all constantly wait great свершений and hope, that too from a pie the huge piece will get to them. And so it is necessary to promise to all more and to support their silly expectations indefinitely. While one soap bubble bursts, it is necessary to have time to inflate some more. In a science it is necessary to be able to live «on credit», and thus the credit never to give. It is the general principle. Napoleon considered, that to tower, it is necessary to promise as much as possible, and to carry out nothing. And at all desire to execute promised almost always it is very difficult. It is not necessary and overstrain. As who from sciences has told Saadi «has decided to take the income, that and will deceive, and the people».

There are two main principles of fraud in a science: Nasreddin’s principle and to frighten all. Nasreddin’s principle is to promise anything you like through 10÷20 years. So, Nasreddin promised to learn a donkey for 20 years to speak, knowing, that in 20 years or the padishah, either a donkey, or Nasreddin will die. V.I.Lenin and N.S.Hrushchev’s Nasreddin’s pupils perfectly well used this reception. The first promised communism in 10 years after revolution. Also has made a fool of all country. The second in the early sixties promised to construct in 20 years communism — in 1980 year! To it, the truth, already practically nobody trusted. A typical example of application of this principle in a science — constant promises to make a thermonuclear reactor in 20 years. Even kalambur on this theme have thought up. Ask: «When, at last, a thermonuclear reactor start, after all so much years have passed?!» — the answer always one: «As well as promised! In 20 years!». How many means under this байку have exhausted from the state, does not give in to an estimation. And examples it is possible to result a heap.

The second principle — to frighten. It is AIDS, the bird’s and pork flu, global warming (a global cold snap if it is not possible to frighten, for example, Eskimos warming), possible collision of the Earth with an asteroid, an ozone gap in atmosphere, the black hole in collider, «which will gobble up all of us», «red mercury» and other бредятина. By the way, has heard recently kalambur, that everyone 13 billion years leading physicists from all world gather and start to build Big adron collider- the brightest example showing a modern condition of a science and a society. Means for this «Babilon tower» are spent the huge. The purposes are absolutely not clear to the overwhelming majority not only the population, but also to the government officials allocating on it Money. Yes that it! To the majority of scientists these purposes are not clear. And here, at last declared, that with some probability have found out Higgs boson. Also what now? And Higgs it knows! leaves that the aether all the same is? Or not?

Is not present, it is better to continue and continue this building and in general to play for time and money, While all its initiators not dye. All according to Law Паркинсона: for what the establishment (the ministry, an industry, etc. has been created.), eventually, it starts to work only for self-preservation. The majority of grandiose projects are necessary only… To their heads. Projects of piloted flights concern the same category to Mars, initially senseless Soviet shuttle «Snow-storm» and rocket Н1 also. Still a magnificent feeding trough — INTOR (the international thermonuclear reactor). Its termination of building is planned already for 2040! Here beauty! All the same before payment anybody from initiators will not live. And there after us though a flood!

There is also a possibility to turn the old goods, to give it the bright name. It, for example, nanotechnology. What is such, anybody distinctly to formulate till now cannot, but in it are engaged now all. For example, people silently were engaged earlier in powder metallurgy. Now they, it appears, are engaged nanotechnology! And what has changed? Absolutely anything except the name. It is a lot of years and without them it was known, that all-round miniaturization is a main way of development of a science and technics. This truism have now lifted on a board and began to cry out, as though they have thought up it. And this nanonism to supervise which have put all the celebrated personality, recently abruptly grows in the plan PR. To people «give» the silliest tales about crowd any nanorobots (on their slang — nanobots) which ostensibly will collect something useful from separate atoms In the garbage container. This shocking obscurantism! In a century before last the impossibility of «devil of Makswell» has been convincingly proved. Any competent physicist perfectly knows about it. Or esteem the book of one of founders of quantum mechanics E.Shredinger «That such a life». There it in detail considers the given question. All this delirium obviously contradicts a science and thermodynamics in particular.

Also will be never the such nanobots, «devils of Makswell», even «Chubays’s devils».

Still there was an artful maneuver which I at all do not know, to what section to carry. These are nuclear filters. Short for those who does not know — make on the accelerator bombardment by heavy ions of a layer of a thin polymeric film, and then chemically pickle it, and in tracks from ions the material is poisoned faster. So receive filters with identical small apertures. How many was enthusiastic shouts, publications, reports, promises of scientific and technical revolutions and protection of dissertations round this primitive invention! And here somehow at a scientific and technical exhibition I approach to the leading research institute stand on a problem of nuclear filters. Also that I see — there are no filters! I ask: where your remarkable filters? There are no filters. Have not thought up — as them to clear. After all they are instantly hammered. Each five minutes you will not assort a design and to change filtering membrane! So, of it could not think at once before to inflate a censer? But, of course, scientific degrees, posts and the huge spent means have not been returned back state. Though, undoubtedly, somewhere disposable filters on some milliliters as in syringes, also are necessary. But it after all a drop in the sea. Or here, for example, fluorescent lamps. That, their developers (Academicians!) Were so stupid, what did not understand consequences? All dumps are dirtied now by mercury, and no economy from these lamps will suffice on liquidation the negative consequences for ecology. The main thing was to take awards, ranks, posts.

Has widely got into a modern science and a direct criminal act. These are recoils, additions, the whole laboratories from dead souls, other frauds. It is natural to be engaged, it is necessary to get preliminary on certain level in administrative hierarchy. On This background on (Forgery and swindle) already and for a criminal offence do not consider the writing of false dissertations. So in the newspaper «Troitsk variant» the situation when the candidate (woman) in pre-election campaign she was openly praised by that in 90th years earned additionally a writing of such forgeries is described.

Further I result the description of some most interesting events which together, I hope, can it is live and from the different parties to illustrate an event picture in sphere of scientific activity and mutual relations of scientists with an external world.


“The school learns to live in the world which does not exist”.

Albert Kamu

Cases in MEPhI (Now it FBGOU VPO NIJaU– language to break it is possible!)


«Who to us has got to MEPhI, that to long has ceased…»

Student’s song

“Sciences do not have the end, and the life is instant

Therefore aspire to acquire an essence only

From a mix of milk with водою geese

Skilfully to take milk will manage”


Gaudeamus igitur, so, we will have fun,

Juvenes dum sumus! While we are young!


MEPhI was, (and can and now is) one of the main suppliers of psychiatric hospital №15 which is very conveniently located opposite to it. Who — I do not remember, but has very truly told: «you will read a little — you will not learn to think, you will be too much — you will forget».

I have somehow gone on offset. In one hand there was a package with textbooks, and in another Mother has given to a hand dust that I have thrown out it. I come on offset — in a package dust. I have understood — it is necessary a measure the nobility in study. At big parts of students all cares were reduced to that, as though this session opposite to hand over, yes properly to have fun. Well, still to earn additionally a money. Wau, me now these cares! And all after all, little fools, would dream to finish somewhat quicker institute… Here then –we will begin to live!

Earlier students, in my opinion, were somehow more cheerful and more carefree. Constantly everyone thought out something, that повеселить the company. So, for example, there was a French film «Fantomas». One student in a hostel after viewing of this film has had hair cut «under Kotovsky», has then dissolved зеленку in a bucket with water, and has dipped there a head. It has turned out poured out Fantomas. In such kind it has gone at first to student’s buffet, nearly has not finished to a faint the barmaid, and then was in institute on examination where has made the present furore.

At socialism all students have been obliged to be members of the Komsomol. And at us student Ulyanov to whom severe parents have arranged a name and a patronymic — Vladimir Ilich studied! The person for all life has appeared is doomed to mockeries. It is natural, that for a trick we have chosen it at once comsomol organiser. And he should write characteristics on all of us. And here just there was on the screen a film «Seventeen instants of spring». He also has written on us type characteristics: «the excellent sportsman, is ruthless to enemies of the CPSU, character firm нордический, the exemplary family man etc.» Above as have learnt about it … … …. Well was to all of us on nuts! Hardly was Vladimir Ilicha Ulyanov from Komsomol have not expelled. But were afraid, probably — and suddenly the voice of America learns — then the end would be all! Still, Lenin have expelled from Komsomol! Though, then it for poor progress have deducted all the same from institute.

In MEPhI concentration of talented people was high. It and is not surprising, as competition those years sometimes gushed over for 10—17 persons into place. Unfortunately, almost all of them essential have not achieved anything, and from a life anything corresponding to their talent have not received.

In our society propagandise the meanest and silliest slogan: «the Talent itself will punch to itself road!». It is difficult to think up something more disgusting. Actually it is necessary to cherish such people simply. They, as a rule, in a usual life are helpless, as children. And after all were such which not going at lecture, read volume of theoretical physics Landau for a night, went on examination, and on it nonplused the teacher! Or for the first time at examination from the ticket having learnt about theorem existence, there and then found the, original way of its proof. Some of them laid down the person in a pillow and without ceremony won even against good players in dark at game in chess on three and more boards. Them was about one on group. Obviously, that they not such, as we, usual people. My opinion, that at them for some reason brains do not get tired. At me, for example, after an hour of intensive mental work comes full out. Thus I have noticed, that all talented, they simultaneously good, pleasant and benevolent people. Probably, because unlike us, are deprived envy. I sometimes even think, that to us, to usual people, in such institutions as MEPhI and to do there is nothing. They read «on-diagonal» for an evening the book stuffed with mathematics and acquire all. And I while itself will not make all mathematical calculations, I do not acquire anything. When I have handed over on the five entrance examination in physics in MEPhI, and left «winner» through a front entrance on steps, and to me relatives towards ran, jumping up from delight, the internal voice accurately to me has told: «it is not necessary to you here!». I have not obeyed. But on the first course all like would go perfectly. I — that studied at mathematical school, and already knew higher mathematics bases. Therefore sometimes even tried to prompt to the lecturer. All also have decided, that I — talent. But then really capable people, of course, «have made» me. And as has gone mathphysics, theory of complexes, quantum mech, I here have absolutely become sad. The internal voice was right all the same. You see a stone not under force — do not lift! But on entrance examinations all climb as mad, and do not reflect on consequences. Probably, works an agiotage and a gregarious instinct. And it was necessary to me to go in any economic-statistical, building, or «Trade-Institute» and, quite possibly, would achieve much bigger successes. There by the way, bad students from us forwarded, and them with pleasure took. I met some then — successful, big-bellied, in ties, with secretaries, People happy with a life. Here all my moral, intellectual and other forces as in sand, have left in mad study. It all the same as in a frontal attack on machine guns to go. It is well told: «all useful — is simple, all unnecessary — is difficult».

Pay attention — practically all first people in our state finished any Periphery, third-rate educational institutions. It is possible to explain it to that they were not required need deeply into a difficult speciality and consequently they had possibility to spend all time for procrawling on a Komsomol and party line, an institution of useful acquaintances.

Tricks in MEPhI was it is a lot of, but some were remembered only. Here, for example, there was it in 1965г. On change we have run out in a toilet who to smoke, who what for. One of students, the huge guy «from a plough», has run up to a booth and so has jerked for the handle (and it has appeared closed from within) that all sickly castles with guts have taken off. We in shock! There «as the mountain eagle at top of Caucasus» sat itself chef of cafedra of physics on the brink of a toilet bowl! A mute scene. He stretches the right hand to close a door. decides, that he wishes to greet him. Alexander catches his palm, shakes and speaks: «Hello Igor Vladimirovich!». Then on semibent, leaves a toilet, having forgotten, what for has come.

Loading at study was very big. The main problem consisted that to me tried to push a huge heap in a head absolutely not necessary to me Information. Someone has well told, that the student differs from the teacher that the teacher should know only one subject, and the student — all. And here, at last, all having overcome, I have received the desired diploma! Ur! — Ur! But when to me have appointed the salary …. 100 roubles (and some even a rank «the senior laboratorian» with the salary of 90 roubles!), I have strong and gloomily reflected for the first time. After all being the student, I received much more. Went only in the best restaurants, went by a taxi, has not been constrained at all in means. Really, we will count up: the grant of 60 roubles, earned additionally 40 roubles — conducted a circle of radio for children at the Moscow House of scientists and went in student’s стройотряды — roubles in the summer to 500 earned. And it not considering tutoring. What now was to do? Either defend the dissertation, or live, as the vagabond. What for then so much forces are spent? It is told: «The one who in sciences has deeply got, but has not taken from them neither advantage, nor a joy in vain only I smother has exhausted. To it and to know them it would be not necessary». That was to do, it was necessary to the dissertation to write.

Though, of course, on 100 roubles then it was possible to live somehow still. It not any 15000 roubles which pay to the engineer in the scientific organizations today. Now has simply paid for apartment and journey, and die, as you know. Therefore the management pretends, that in it pays, and engineers pretend, that work. While this string somehow lasts. But the end any more not behind mountains. Certainly, in a press there are announcements of employment of engineers with the salary of an order of 3000 dollars. But when I esteemed, that they for this money demand …. simply they wish «to buy on a penny of five-kopeck coins».

Group of honours pupils

«It is better to have a red physiognomy and the dark blue diploma, than a dark blue physiognomy and the red diploma».

Student’s wisdom

«If you such clever, where your money?»

The American question

CONCLUSION of Beiker: the problem decision puts two new problems, therefore the best recipe of a happy life: do not solve a problem. (Who such Beiker –till now it is not known.)

“Either be able to win, or be able to be on friendly terms with the winner.”

Fokion, the Athenian politician and the commander

In Russia there is a phenomenon of working highly skilled poverty. You can be the brilliant engineer or the sensible lawyer — and to receive copecks. A problem that at us the social environment and the state — as at the countries of the third world, and human potential still as at rather developed country. This problem acts in film degradation of human potential when level of professionalism, erudition and culture


In the early sixties MEPhI was extremely popular among youth. Simply to a psychosis. To other technical institutes, I think, was very much enviably. In general always there was a traditional competition between PhysFak the Moscow State University, MEPhI, PhysTech and MVTU — who more abruptly? I remember, any student from PhysTech «has not bad acted». It have caught without the ticket in an electric train. Money is not present. Who such? The stude nt From PhysTech. How call? — Albert. A surname? — Einstein. Have sent in institute the letter with the request to work it on general meeting for driving without the ticket! And more recently the candidate for presidents has arrived in PhysTech and at collective meeting has given out to them: « You the best… AFTER PhysFak the Moscow State University». That them SO do, it would be necessary to think long even to very clever person … …. And my acquaintance from MVTU told, how they before April, first over one student have played a trick. In its room the window left on a balcony, the general with the next room. When he has fallen asleep, its window have outside painted over ink, and have rearranged accordingly an alarm clock. On first of April he has woken up, has seen, that is still dark, has looked at an alarm clock and, happy, has fallen asleep. And so some times. Only in the evening he has felt the wrong. Still they had a traditional cool April Fools’ joke for first-year students. Hung up the announcement in a hostel that it is necessary to unload the lorry with products for buffet which will arrive to 12 o’clock in the morning. And loaders already have left. It is promised for work to everyone on a frozen hen. And here at midnight the group of half-dressed, hungry students on a cold wind waits the lorry with notorious hens. And all are not present it. Then the cleverest starts to reach, that generally 1th April…

All other technical institutes were somehow on the second plan. To create to myself advertising and to prove before the heads, the rector of one of solid Moscow technical institutes (I will not name, and that still will take offence) has decided to collect all honours pupils of the first course in one group, and became in the ministry and at any meetings of rectors to tell about the new fine initiative. Now it is called «PR». In the central newspapers laudatory articles have been placed about it. And he has so taken a great interest, that has lost any vigilance, and has invited rectors of all leading Moscow institutes to familiarise with its best practices.

There have arrived rectors, representatives from the ministry, long spoke before representatives of the press grandiloquent, smart speeches. Have then met students — honours pupils. The rector of MEPhI also speaks to them: «Children, and pass all of you in MEPhI!». All is final for! After that case the initiative as can guess, has decayed.

And on the life experience I have come to conclusion, that if to you Intolerably «It is necessary a science», of course, go to MEPhI or on PhysFak. And if as all normal people, you wish to live well and cheerfully go in any unpretentious institute.

MEPhI hostel

«When there is no vodka snack it becomes simple meal».

«Vasia, and who carries your shirts when they pure?».

«Ugly women do not happen — there is not enough vodka».

«A lot of vodka does not happen — there is not enough snack».

«How many vodka take, and all the same second time to run it is necessary».

«Why students after the first have not a snack? — Because Then after the second there will be nothing…»

Axioms of a student’s life

«At us in a hostel such things become,

That I never would believe, if In it did not participate».

The letter in AIDS-info

In MEPhI hostel, especially in 2nd case drunkenness and other «disgraces» prospered. Probably, partially it spoke what on our faculty did not accept a female? Then the institute management has thought again, and began on two maidens in group to take, probably that somehow though in audiences restrained in expressions (and that, passing near to audiences of our faculty, all heard there such analysis!). Our case had special success in maidens of «easy behavior» as they then were called by the press. In the mornings, having approached to the case №2 it was possible to think, that this female hostel, it is so much them therefrom left. The head of our group Sashka Pilipenko (already grated man with the life experience, served army) very much liked to organize «parties» where forced these maidens (and they not very much and objected) naked to dance on a table. It was it best number! All knew about it, including a management of institute which repeatedly demanded to stop disgraces, and tried to seize all «by naked buttocks» on «scene of crime». The task has been given Komsomol operative group, and hunting has begun! But here only everything, even the most smart, carefully planned round-ups for some reason always came to an end with anything. I think, the reason that a good few of members of operative group simultaneously were habitues of these «parties». The similar occurred and in the Moscow State University. In a high-rise hostel of the Moscow State University the student begins process of copulation with the student. At the same time the group of members of the Komsomol knocks on their door on purpose to check up — and whether there is no who at the student at night. Understanding, that threatens them, the guy, not long thinking, «easily dressed» leaves on a wide window sill, and, keeping there for a pipe, calms down. The student opens a door in a dressing gown, rubs as sleepy eyes. Combatants attentively examine a premise, one looks out in a window, sees there the naked man, and on a question: «Well there?» From man’s solidarity, fairly answers: There anybody. AS ANYBODY!!! — the girl shouts, fainting!

Superintense study at absence enough cultural rest (it is simple time for it does not remain) led sometimes to mass psychological failures. In 1967 during summer examinations children in a hostel sat, prepared for session, look out of the window — little girls any go. They it to shout something have begun. Те have answered, little by little, all hostel has rebelled, poured out on street, have written posters with «political» slogans of type «down with session!!», has begun The spontaneous Demonstration and meeting, began to beat glasses, the administration has caused a heap of militia, firemen with fire engines… Then when, at last, all «have tied» and have begun «пытать», anybody plainly could not explain anything. Radio stations «Freedom» and «the Voice of America» have somehow found out about this case, and were out of itself for pleasure. They long sucked round this event, naming it «Revolt in red confidential nuclear college». And just Session of the Supreme body any there on which to all students, certainly, was deep to spit at this time has opened. But these «radio voices» assiduously repeated, that students of MEPhI ostensibly demanded closing of Session of the Supreme body of the USSR!

To the rector has got «on the first», and from it to all subordinate. Students have received also. All who lived in a hostel, have forced to repeat repeatedly CPSU history, (I consider is very severe punishment) and above a three on social studies at this session have put to nobody.

Second time left directly on the international level, when at restaurant «On-excite» Have got acquainted with any African, and have invited him to continue fun in a hostel. There have got drunk really. Next morning have regained consciousness — beer!!! And rise can nobody. What to do? — Have sent this African behind beer. And he does not know in Russian. Then notes have written to it. It approaches to the saleswoman and reads a note: «Pivo est?» It to it: «there is no BEER,!!!!». It gets the second note and reads terrible braided language: «Bilad! Ia tak i znal! «All alcoholics in turn have disappeared. The saleswoman has taken out from the personal stocks and has supplied with its fuel. Drinking has proceeded. And here in a hostel such delegation is! Militia in cars with flashers, people in the civilian, a heap of afrikan …. Have surrounded a hostel, have rushed into a room, have seized this drunk afrikan, have laid on a magnificent stretcher-palatines, and have solemnly incurred. It has appeared — it any prince from the country «Zhmurkinakvaso», and it was searched all night long by special services of two states. Became ripe large international scandal. All participants of drinking have, of course, expelled from institute.

We sat somehow drank in a hostel, suddenly bustle on a corridor, shouts. It has appeared, the first-year student was hung up in a toilet on a zone belt. From love-with! I knew it a little — like normal was. Has managed to fall in love with the student from computing faculty, has come to it in the evening — and at it in Beds any muzhik lays. Well, it in a temper also was hung up.

Unique disgrace which is not present, and I think, never will be in MEPhI, these are drugs. I at all did not hear, that someone used them. This entertainment for humanists and gays. Even it is better to them to spin under a high any nonsense about gnoseological roots of creative intelligency, cognitive verbal noosphere, to put forward global paradigma heuristic concepts etc. And here as you integrals you will take? At once on a start. By the way, a strange thing. In the presence of a large quantity of philosophical faculties, in our country there is no well-known philosopher. Here you can tell, who in our country the philosopher? Well, or name though one achievement of philosophical thought for 50 years. And in tiny Athenes what constellation was! Even I, not descending from a place, can list ten, and their basic thoughts to state.

Chineses in MEPhI!

«And at me the wife the Chinese woman, and she so ridiculously speaks: Hiui»

From letters in Spid-info

«Probably, in some years it will be necessary to spend once again revolution».

«Beat on a head. And feet will fall off»

«All representatives Intelligency which can go to village for work, should go there willingly»

«Our strategy consists in that one to fight against ten, our tactics — in that ten to fight against one. It is one of the organic laws, providing to us a victory over the enemy».

«It is not necessary to be afraid. In case of nuclear war half of population will be lost, but second half remains».

Mao Tsze Donne

Once Lao-Tszy went under a rain without an umbrella and has met the pupil going under the big umbrella.

— The teacher why you go under a rain without an umbrella? — The pupil has asked.

— When it is raining, — has answered Lao-Tszy, — Дао consists in getting wet.

The pupil was clarified, has thrown out an umbrella and has left, smiling under a rain.

— «Well and the fool!», — has thought Lao-Tszy, selecting an umbrella.

In the early sixties in MEPhI some Chineses studied. (Then, at deterioration of relations with China, them have removed, and, on hearings, have sent in village on re-education). They studied extremely persistently. Carried out absolutely all homeworks. There was a case. They did unpretentious laboratory with an oscillograph, type figures of Lissaju to look. Next morning they have brought the report on work where was accurately manually all scheme of an oscillograph is redrawn. Probably, all night long drew. The grant to them paid from the Chinese embassy. So they saved on everything, ate one porridge with bread, tore a grass on lawns and cooked from it soup. Can they and mice with cockroaches, or flies with sparrows of a fur-tree who knows them. In general, in my opinion, ate everything, that moves, and that itself does not move, moved also fur-trees. Then, in the end of a month, brought the remained money and handed over in the embassy with words: «here, accept back, at us superfluous remains».

It has turned out so, that three Chineses have placed in a hostel in one room with Vaska Kochetkov, our main thing троечником and балбесом. In the first put they to it so have bothered, that he began to think, as though over them joke. And here whether itself has thought up, whether the senior companions have advised. And at that time by radio in 6—00 mornings every day transferred a hymn of the USSR. He has woken up early in the morning, has included radio on full capacity, and has risen in the middle of a room on a rack «quietly». Chineses see on him: «Dear friend, hundred this you do?». How, you do not know?! All students in our country should stand at attention and listen to a hymn of the USSR in 6—00 mornings! Them as a wind from beds has blown away! And so Vaska Kochetkov some days drilled them. But then was evening with drink such, that in the morning of an eye could not tear not that to rise. Its Chineses shake: «Dear friend rise quickly and that oversleep!!! Yours Chinese friends are on a post!». Vaska Kochetkov was: « And to me in dean’s office have given the inquiry on clearing of hymn listening!». This very day Chineses have run in dean’s office and began to ask to give out them the same inquiries. There long could not understand, what they want.

Communicating with Vaska Kochetkov, Chineses have learnt Russian and have well filled up the lexicon. When examinations has approached, Anna Dmitrievna, the secretary of chair, the majestic lady in a dress with spangles, has solemnly handed over them test books with words; «Well, neither down to you, nor a feather!». One of Chineses for a second has reflected, and then with a wide smile and bows to sentence began loudly on-china: «Nah-juj! Nah-juj!…». To us for work soon there will arrive the Chinese delegation. I though know now as them to meet. But also Васька at them to something has learnt. For example, as on-chineese «good night» or «to-appointment». But to transfer, as it sounds on russian, I cannot, as censorship of it precisely will not pass.


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