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Want be a scientist? Read it!

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The summary

Would you like to do science?

To survive in a scientific (like any other) environment, it is necessary to constantly trick. But how it is concrete? This question is answered by the author using his life experience and the experience of comrades, graduates of MEPhI and subsequently, military engineering academy. Many «pitfalls» that are not visible to a young man planning to become a researcher have been unearthed. Familiarity with these facts can significantly influence a young man’s choice of his way. If anything, his choice will be more conscious.

Perhaps some of the thoughts expressed in this book will be unpleasant, and will raise objections from readers, but it would be quite boring if everyone thought the same.

The theme mentioned in the given book is so serious, that without jokes to manage it was not possible.

For a narrow circle of beginners pseudoscientific quasi-scientists.


It is protected by the law on the copyright. Infringement of the restrictions imposed by it on reproduction of this book or its any part, including registration, is pursued in a judicial order.

The maintenance

Scientists: We discovered electricity for you, invented the Internet, cured many previously deadly diseases.

Society: Thank you, but we will give most of the money to those who kick the ball well, get their fingers on notes or pretend to be other people.

«The talent is not present — Take brevity»


«On all a cause of peace to see their person, it is necessary to look from a wrong side».


«We know too little and badly study, therefore we should lie».


«Absolutely without fraud it is impossible».

Brave soldier Shvejk

«Searching for true — the liar. He searches for happiness, instead of true».

De Kassere

«True love that it is useful. Therefore to true prefer advantage».


«What use in the book to the one who does not possess own mind?»

«Madness of units — an exception, and madness the whole groups, parties, the people — A rule».


So, my way in a science is finished. When I in 16 years old entered the institute, first, in general a little that thought, has given in to a gregarious instinct, and, secondly, in those days there was no place to go. Or on factory to the machine tool to go? Then in army that there over me scoffed? Studying at institute (MEPhI prepares science officers, instead of engineers), I dreamt to get for work to any big scientist to follow his instructions, and gradually grow in the scientific plan. The validity has appeared another. As I tried to change work places, me not the elk to be attached to the present scientist –«locomotive». As a rule, even if would be glad me to take, the reason consisted that there is no vakancy! Well here you will do? Freedom of scientific creativity in engineering science is very strongly complicated in difference, for example, from painting. There take a paper with a pencil, and draw, that you want. And here the weight of objective material factors, moreover and principles of a social system, to put it mildly, do not promote it. So, when I have arrived in MEPhI we «as rams» have distributed at faculty on specialities, not having thought at all to ask our consent. My «supervisors of studies» not only did not help, and on the contrary, constantly tried to insert a piece from my dissertation into his. Affairs when your supervisor of studies himself not yet has protected the doctor’s are especially bad. Then he is ready to take all from your dissertation. Well, and «You then somehow». If you are dissatisfied with it, the reptile is you, and in any way he! At first I thought, that it to me so does not carry, but has then come to conclusion, that practically everywhere so …. To put it briefly, there is no better a saying approaching for the given case, than: whether «you have ceased to hope for others?». Only after I have acquired this true, and have started to work over the dissertation at own discretion, not paying attention to opinion and instructions of «supervisor of studies», deals, at last, have gone. As a rule, «supervisor of studies» competitors (not post-graduate students) practical participation in work does not accept. Certainly, if efficient thoughts throws up, the price to it is not present. However more often his instructions — empty room on the set theme. But if competitors receive interesting results, without it in any way.

The vicious circle — while is not present the scientific equipment necessary to you, will not receive powerful results, and without them nobody will give money for the equipment. The results already confirmed with experiment use demand basically only. Thus, to tell a new word in a science it is practically impossible. If only it is casual. If you have appeared near to the corresponding standing idle equipment. Also it is necessary to make a work body quickly and imperceptibly that the heads have not guessed in what business, and that will immediately appropriate all merits. And, the important law consists that in overwhelming majority of cases theoretical a prediction even very clever people are not justified. Examples set. Here on my eyes the person did very serious dissertation where certain crystals should grow. Absolutely under all theories they well have been simply obliged to grow. Instead of grow also all here! It was necessary to throw this theme. How people leave a similar situation? Simply all go from other end. If it is casual in experiment will find out any the interesting law then turn all inside out, and represent business so, that they ostensibly have theoretically predicted this effect, (write a heap of plausible formulas) and already then experimentally it have confirmed! And on this principle the overwhelming majority of scientific works is constructed. As they say, when do not reach wished, pretend, that wished they reached.

My opinion — a science is effective for very well financially secure person who has possibility can be engaged only, not thinking of «daily bread», on the means and at own discretion to buy the necessary equipment, materials, to engage employees. (If money is not present hectares plans, those become dream). Not used equipment it should have possibility immediately to sell and buy the necessary. And the most important thing — to change subjects of the work not asking permissions. Otherwise — one torture and time waste. All forces and time leave in sand. Laboratory premises appear are filled up by not used equipment which, probably, is very necessary for someone. And that to you now it is necessary — is not present. But on the other hand, at good means and the purpose are not necessary. While it is still live, yes at money it is necessary to have fun.

Often I so was lead up by «heads» petty greed, that I for own beggarly salary bought radio components necessary for work, materials or tools. I considered it, more cheaply to me will manage, than to write a heap of demands, something to prove, collect signatures, the press, to wait months, and that, can, will not give anything. And even if you will wait, by then need in the equipment, probably, already will disappear. Even earlier there was a shop of chemical substances where it was possible to buy without problems their small quantities for experiments. But now from fear before terrorists all process of purchase extremely have complicated.

According to United Nations recommendations, the payment below 3 dollars at an o’clock is inadmissible. At such money the person loses stimulus to work and inevitably starts to steal. Therefore the majority of the Russian scientists are simply compelled to have collateral (now more likely, it already the basic) a source of incomes. And in a science are engaged during remained time, so to say, by a residual principle. Efficiency of such work, certainly, very low. Verses Panchatantra are recollected: «when is not present the end to cares where to get sezam, rice, salt, clothes, fuel even the wisest person loses reason in poverty». My familiar professor from MEPhI has told to me a typical case. With huge work it has beaten out the grant for the scientific group. Joyful, he has come running for work and has informed on it to employees. To his surprise, on their persons he has not seen delight. It has appeared, that all of them were attached to earn additionally for a long time already somewhere, and in working hours. And here to work it is necessary really on the basic work. Money small pays for the grant, and in two years it will end. That will be further — it is not known. Additional work you will throw, and whether then it will be possible to renew it?

Whether there is a sense to the modern young man to go to a science (in our country)? Money, material benefits scanty, and that, all «in the long term». Any «ecstasy» because, what you in any narrow area can be, something new will dig out? But even if you will make something, standing politicians and officials will dispose of it finally. If you will distract completely on a science, you at this time lawyers-economists will rob to a thread, and all will be under the law. (If now all national property belongs to a small group of billionaires what for my relatives all during war protected it?). To count the grown rich inventors fingers of one hand, probably, will suffice. Respect of a society? More likely a sneer. Now in honor only successful swindlers. It is interesting, that in our society it is accepted to name «creative intelligence» and «stars» first of all any clowns and actors that is people who on a scene represent from itself not at all what they actually are. Not casually among them the large quantity of mental diseases when the person so will get used, for example, at image of Napoleon or D’Artanjan develops what to «be survived» cannot any more. So, recently one actor playing supermen, has rushed off on the car, as at cinema, on a counter strip. And here, «carry away». Another was forgot so, that has arranged pogrom and shooting at restaurant. It is enough actor to have cool, fool a physiognomy — and you already Talent. If also physiognomies idiotic to build has learnt, you in general the genius! One of them is a talent because he is thick, as a dirigible balloon. Another has The Shrill opposite voice. The most intellectual in this circle Zadornov. But also that last time drives such flat jokes! But In a hall laugh, already from armchairs fall. Here if I with such nonsense have got out, then a nasty broom have sent on errands.

Certainly creative people musicians, that is people who under the set program in a step have got skilled at to press buttons of various musical instruments admit also. The computer does it incomparably better. Though, of course, in a good company, at a fire, together to sing under a guitar… And if before a many thousands audience, yes for big money, it not art, but business. And here it is the best to replace actors with computer avatars. That, however, in Japan already also have started to do with success, having replaced some TV presenters. And so already on Body To the screen electronic stuffed animals skip and shout (and even in general howl worse dogs of Bascerwill) any delirium under a soundtrack.

Strange to see, how in a huge hall of thousand people motionlessly sit, sitting out callosities on a back place while on a scene dance or sing. The grandfather to me told, that earlier in any village people danced, drove round dances, sang chorus, played accordions or balalaikas, composed russian chastooshkas, at last, box fights arranged. That is, were engaged in art. And has now sat at theatre, as a sack with dung — and type a sack has spent time.

Often on TV shed tears concerning that any actor known in due time now on pension lives in misery. It ostensibly a disgrace! It is necessary for it to provide comfort, and to help all world. And when the person of a useful trade — the miner, bread-maker, or the turner on pension live in misery are like as normally, and indignation special does not cause.

Or we will consider Very much Disputable trade in moral sense — lawyers. At me the woman — the lawyer bragged, as it has dexterously withdrawn from punishment of the notorious criminal. I to her have told: «Than brag? Same meanness». And she to me: «Is not present-is not present! That you!! Here at all no meanness is present, you simply backward person, not understand … … it … … … mmm …. …. eee … …. Well, simply it is a trade such! Doctors treat a body, and we treat souls! Here is how!!». So gradually these sights enter into a essence of the person-lawyer, and it begins similar perverted principles to be guided even in home life. Therefore any personal relations with them to have it is impossible. Here, for example, a sight from within — the statement of the lawyer V.I.Lenin: «It is necessary to take lawyers echinoid mittens, to put in a state of siege, for this intellectual the swine often do bad things». (V.I.Lenin, v. 49, p. 154)

And as about super-intellectual elite of intelligency — Journalists? Them have already done over any measure. All wish to be engaged in such job. And in what it consists? Yes here, for example, recently in several editions has come across on same байку how the daughter has bought mothers new mattress on birthday as a surprise. Old has on the sly thrown out. And in that mattress старушенция hid one million dollars! Here they also are fed with that, that copy each other similar bosh which actually, most likely and was not. And then, years through five when all will forget, again same story will pull out, will turn a little, and again a money on it will cut down. The main principle here — has uttered a crow, money has received, and there though do not dawn! I was not too lazy, have looked quotations for the publication of such articles. Also has understood, that for decent earnings journalists should rivet such bosh as on the conveyor, littering it all mass media. That they with success also do.

Why period of validity of the patent for the invention is limited by 20 years at very considerable payments for its maintenance in force, and the founder of a work of art has the rights for life, moreover and numerous descendants round its product are fed throughout 70 years after his death? From here and crisis. All youth aspires not in sphere of production of goods or other socially useful area, and there where has guessed (notice, has guessed or has learnt by heart, instead of has shown creative abilities!) a word — also receive one million! And for the rest of the life it is possible to live a parasite! Here the true purpose of modern youth (mine too). Well and it is natural, presently «especially creative people» have run to register in gays that though somehow to be allocated and get any, but popularity. One example. The inventor of kersey boots Ivan Vasilevich Plotnikov, (Which it is made more than 150 million pairs and which utility is difficult for overestimating) All life veins in municipal apartment on modest pension. And insignificant men give interview, sitting in the magnificent country houses. The paradox consists that room service society for elite (cooks, clowns, hairdressers, newsdealers, tailors) suddenly steels society «elite».

So, we, representatives of a scientific and technical direction, unlike them, probably, any second-grade, «not creative» intelligency. Abroad it is accepted the person with scientific degree validly to call the doctor or the professor such. At us it is the representative of any doubtful «layer». So, Lenin’s statement in this occasion is widely known. I have begun to doubt, itself have got into his compositions, and here that have dug out: «Intellectual forces of workers and peasants grow and get stronger in struggle for overthrow of bourgeoisie and its helpers, intelligency, Footmen of the capital, thinking itself a nation brain. In practice it not a brain, and a shit» (V.I.Lenin, From A.M.Bitter’s letter, the September, 15th, 1919, the Full collected works, the edition the fifth Publishing house of the political literature, 1978 v. 51, p. 48—49). Though, may be he only «creative intelligence» meant?

For last years there was a definitive falling of prestige of a trade of the scientist in our country. «Levada-centre» researches show, that only 6% of Russians would like to see children and grandsons professors, scientists and teachers, 10% — sportsmen, 16% — businessmen, 23% — economists. At the same time, in the USA by results Researches on ranging of prestigious trades in 2002 the trade of the scientist has appeared the most prestigious — 51% of the population named it «extremely prestigious».

Though, we also do not take offence. As they say, let though a pig-iron pot will call, if only in the furnace did not put. Only here they («creative intelligence») deceive (i.e. represent on a scene and on the screen of feeling which actually do not test, invent any situations which never was, and could not be in a life, etc.). Politicians at all do not deceive in the meanest image, and «are engaged in pre-election rhetoric». It is all declared quite normal and admissible. And what if we, science officers, too are able, we love and we wish to stamp a pretty deceit? And too, maybe, we will wish to receive for it the big money, glory, honor, popularity. Than we are worse? After all the beautiful and clever lie is too creativity! It is better than this silly, boring and opposite truth. The main thing that looked solidly and promised pleasant prospects.

The young man in a science should be engaged in that chiefs will tell (that is necessary for THEM that you did) and for what pay in IT, instead of that is interesting to him. It turns out, that for the cheap salary, moreover and in uninteresting business to be engaged! Someone’s there ideas to check. To what this voluntary slavery? N.Viner has perfectly told: «I am especially happy, that I had not to be long years one of small screws of modern scientific factory, to do, that is ordered, to work over the problems specified by the heads. I think, that, be born I during a present epoch, I would manage to reach the little. I with all my heart regret modern young scientists, many of which, they want it or not, are doomed to serve because of» a spirit of the age «as intellectual footmen or the timekeepers marking time of arrival and going away from work».

To begin to (be registered) on the scientist, it is necessary to pass through itself and to process mountains of absolutely superfluous information which has turned now from the vital help only to annoying additional difficulty which need About to overcome! (How here not to recollect K.Dossi: «it becomes rare great the one who has not found in himself courage to neglect knowledge of set of unnecessary things»). As a rule, the main reason on which many young men badly study, consists that they do not see concrete advantage of the received information in the foreseeable future. It is known, that nobody gets tired, receiving the useful. If there was a concrete, obvious and immediate advantage of study — anybody it would be not necessary to force to study a stick. It is perfectly told: «As in an antiquity of a science did not demand long studying scientists were simultaneously and clever people». It is indicative, that M.V. Lomonosov considered admissible to spend to 70% of time of a public statement for a substantiation of its urgency. Being the student, I have not born once, have risen at lecture on the theory of dispositions and have asked the lecturer who is selflessly writing out infinite formulas on a board: «As well as where all of us it Let’s practically apply? After all the main thing not to know something, and to be able something useful»! That has already choked with indignation and could not even utter a word. As though I have offended it mortally. Such there was a terrible mute scene after which I became its enemy number one. And I with huge work managed to hand over — таки to it this damned examination on the four necessary for reception of the grant. And here such professors have sat down on educational chairs, and litter to students a head with the Are senselessми, idealistic courses. And to that is necessary on a life, students, as a rule, do not learn. And there is nobody to learn. Who is able to work — works. Who is not able — learns.

As well as everywhere, to survive to the usual person (and it is good to survive) in a science probably only at the expense of cunning. That scientist who is not to some extent the swindler is bad. After all if all to do frankly, observing all Rules and Instructions no forces and means will suffice for work performance. Great Baltasar has told: «the Rule reasonable — to go against rules if differently not to finish conceived». Besides, the lie impurity always increases эффектность result and pleasure from it. So, even S.P.Korolev has in the early sixties declared: «Through all any twenty years will fly to space under trade-union permits!». It was echoed by Verner a background Brown: «we will soon sell tours in space on 5000 dollars!». It that, they were not guided in a situation? It is impossible to believe in it. Simply followed a principle «Give here, and I to you will present promises!», as it is told at Khayyam. And a tour in space, by the way, minimum thirty millions dollars now costs.

The major principle, both in a science, and in art has perfectly expressed Ivan Repin: «Tell lies, but make beautifully!». However, and O. Khayyam too understood an essence of the matter: «Without a deceit to live it is impossible, my friend. After all not people, and wild animals around. If vital blessings streams have become scanty — water from a field of the stranger to itself take away». It is interesting, that in a science to be engaged in fraud practically safely. Here, as well as in the politician, for swindle of criminal cases do not get, and at all do not fine. Already that fact, that 90% of living scientists all ever live now, and great, The revolutionary results for last fifty years it is not observed, shows, that here something not so. Well, in technologies there are, of course, shifts. But is R. Fejnman’s textbook differs significant from the modern textbook of physics? Now the abstruse theories based on very disputable assumptions and many-storied mathematical constructions of a lack are not present. However they have so come off experiment that became similar simply to mathematical gymnastics. At institute where I worked, there were some hundreds theorists! And an academic council as have counted up, how many them at our institute, so have strongly reflected.

The lion’s share of efforts of the majority of modern scientists leaves on punching of scientific dust. Really, efficiency of the scientific employee is estimated presently on weight of its publications! I have not made a reservation. Weightiness of proceedings is estimated in kgs (or if want, in number of pages, that, as a matter of fact, the same). Naturally, all scientific employees aspire to stamp somewhat quicker It is as much as possible articles! Attempt to estimate scientists by quantity of citing of their articles other authors is undertaken. But also here have found a way out. Scientific steels to unite in collectives which «on a circle» quote each other to a place and out of place.

Thus, it is possible to compensate insufficient depth of thoughts with success in its length. If in a science something also becomes useful it is done by 20% of scientific employees. And the others of 80% think, that they are a part of these of 20%.

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