Бесплатный фрагмент - Schmoxy-Foxy

Based on real events after Russian folk fairy-tales

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Once upon a time, Schmoxy-Foxy was walking down a path and saw something beneath a bush. On taking a closer look at what it was, he could see now, it was exactly a rolling pin someone might have lost there. Schmoxy-Foxy was thoughtful for a moment, then picked it up and walked on his way.

Eventually, he came over to a village located in the outskirts of the city. Without long thinking, he knocked on the first door, saying:

— Knock-knock-knock!

— Who is it out there?

— That’s me, Schmoxy-Foxy! Might you let me in just for one night! It’s cold outside and I don’t know where to sleep tonight.

— Can’t you see, we live rather cramped even with no visitors.

— I won’t make you any inconvenience! I will just lay me down onto a bench, put my tail under the bench. Besides, my only luggage is a rolling pin. I’ll put it beneath the oven, so that no one’s gonna feel it occupies any room in your house.

The landlord let him in the hut though.

So Schmoxy-Foxy lay himself down on a wooden bench, his tail neatly put under the bench and his newly found rolling pin beneath the oven.

Early in the morning Schmoxy-Foxy got up, quickly got dressed and burned his previously found rolling pin in the oven. When everybody was awake, Schmoxy-Foxy asked the host:

— Hey, buddy, where is my rolling pin? If I don’t find it, I’m gonna have to sue you, but I’m a gentleman, so we’d better fix that issue in between us, by your giving me… er… at least a hen as a compensation!

The host — because of nothing else to be done, — gave him a hen to compensate the so-called loss of the rolling pin that had mysteriously disappeared in their house.

The trick had worked out successfully, so Schmoxy-Foxy picked up the hen and kept on walking, chanting to himself:

— Schmoxy-Foxy walked down a path,

Found a rolling pin,

For the lost rolling pin

He redeemed a hen!

In a while, he came to another village, where the first hut was owned by a better well-off family. The idea had come to his mind in advance:

— Knock-knock-knock!

— Who is it out there?

— That’s me, Schmoxy-Foxy! Might you let me in for the night!

— We live too tightly even with no visitors.

— You don’t have to worry, guys! Since I’m not going to add you any inconveniences! I will just lay me down on a bench, put my tail under the bench and place my hen beneath the oven. As simple as that!

On taking it for face value, they kindly opened the door and let him in. So Schmoxy-Foxy did. He layed himself down on a wooden bench situated beside the oven, put his fluffy tail under the bench, and placed the hen heneath the oven.

Early in the morning, Schmoxy-Foxy quietly got up, got dressed. grabbed the hen and gobbled it up. Then to remove any evidence of what he had done, Schmoxy-Foxy brushed his teeth thoroughly and started awakening the host:

— Excuse my interrupting your sweet dreams, but where is my hen? It’s lost, so I have all reasons to apply to the court with this. Only my decent education stops me from initiating a legal conflict. Since I’m a gentleman, you see. So I suggest resolving this by your providing me with some compensation of the loss. Let’s er… say, I demand to be given a goose instead of my stolen hen!

The host had no desire to waste time in the court, since it was a rather busy period of time in terms of gathering wheat and rye in the fields, so he considered the situation and decided there was no alternative but to redeem the loss. That’s why he gave Schmoxy-Foxy a goose from his barnyard instead of the lost hen.

Happy to have performed another play so skillfully, Schmoxy-Foxy clutched the goose, said goodbye to everyone and kept walking on, chanting a tune to himself:

— Schmoxy-Foxy was walking down the highway,

And suddenly found a rolling pin,

Smart, he redeemed a hen instead of the rolling pin,

Redeemed a goose for the stolen hen!

By the evening he had approached the third village on his way and on picking the first hut with a better view. started knocking on the door:

— Knock-knock-knock!

— Who is out there?

— It’s me, Schmoxy-Foxy! I’m frightfully sorry to bother you, but it’s late and I’ve got nowhere to go. It’s getting dark… C’mon, could you, please, let me in to put up for the night, won’t you?

— Nice to meet you, nevertheless, you see, we are currently having the problem of room in here, even without any more tenants visiting.

— Don’t even worry, guys! I’ll make my accommodation as unnoticeable as can be, just like this: Say, I will lay myself down on some kind of bench, put my tail under the bench and hide my goose underneath the oven. So that you can feel no inconvenience at all.

That option was rather convincing, so the hosts let Schmoxy-Foxy check in.

So he did, in accordance with his previously gained experience. As it had already come into habit, he layed himself down on one of the benches, put his fluffy tail underneath the bench, and in order to find some appropriate room for the goose, Schmoxy-Foxy placed it beneath the oven, same as he had done twice before.

As the first rays of the morning dawn penetrated through the lace curtains at the windows, Schmoxy-Foxy quietly got off the bench he had been sleeping on, took the goose that he had been given as a redemption in the previous village, gobbled it up and started raising jack by loud screaming:

— Hey, everyone! Good morning! Where is my goose? I can’t find it where I placed it last night. Cmon, if you fail to return the goose mere of motion, then you owe me a girl instead! For if I get no compensation, I’m gonna call for police.

But the host wasn’t as gullible as the one from the previous village. Besides, he didn’t like being broken so as to give a girl instead of some goose. It contradicted with his morality. Besides, the stranger had to be gotten rid of without any police involved. Moreover, if the case was handled by the court, that would have been followed by wasting a lot of time and funds to cover the lawyer’s fees. But there had to be something else to be given to Schmoxy-Foxy instead. So, on some reflection, the landlord grinned and quietly put a huge rottweiler into a sack and handed the sack to Schmoxy-Foxy saying the following words:

— C’mon, Schmoxy-Foxy, get a girl to compensate your loss! And please, do me a favor! Get out of here to never visit our place ever again!

Sschmoxy-Foxy had no intention to ever come back to any of the villages he had deceived residents in, so what he did was exactly as he had been told. On walking a few miles away from the village, he walked onto the freeway, put the sack on the ground and called out:

— Hey, girl, c’mon sing me a song! It’s boring to be walking here all alone. Besides my cell phone battery is almost dead, so I’ll keep it off to avoid turning on the mp3 player application.

On hearing that, the rottweller in the sack suddenly started barking and roaring so loudly that Schmoxy-Foxy nearly fainted!

So frightened Schmoxy-Foxy instantly got, that he left the sack on the ground at the side of the highway and ran away…

The dog jumped out of the sack to chase Schmoxy-Foxy, persuing him down the freeway for quite an extended period of time!

Schmoxy-Foxy had been running away from the rottweller on and on down the freeway, and right on the run he saw a hole beneath an old tree stump large enough to get in. As fast as she could he rushed into the hole. There she sat and said:

— Oh, my ears, pretty ears! What the heck have you been doing?

— We have been listening.

— And you, my feet, what have you been doing?

— We kept on running.

— What about you, my eyes? What have you been doing?

— We’ve been looking.

— And you, my tail?

— I’ve been disturbing your run down the road. Heh-heh!

— Well, so you’ve been disturbing me all of the time! Okay, come on, I’ll teach you a lesson! —

So Schmoxy-Foxy put his fluffy red tail out of the hole.

— C’mon, doggy, tear that betraying tail into pieces!

Having said that, the dog grabbed onto Shmoxy-Foxy’s tail, pulled it to the full length out of the hole and started biting and shagging it, tearing its fur into pieces! That was not the best day Schmoxy-Foxy had ever survived in his life.


Once upon a time, when all animals used to be tailless, the word was out in the woods that each of them would be allocated and handed a tail, free of charge. The keyword was “free”, since animals loved freebies. Besides, who would resist a temptation to dress a fashionable accessory for free?! However, none of them could clearly understand why a spare tail was actually needed in practical sense.

Yet, if the tails were gonna be handed out, everyone was certain the tails just had to be picked up, anyways. All of the animals living in the woods lined in a queue reaching the largest clearing in the woods.

Joe the Hare was about to run there too, but it started raining, which got him a bit scared to go.

Crows took flights in all directions. Across the woods and meadows and the riversides, they were flying everywhere in order to spread the news, meanwhile shouting out exactly the following:

— Come together, ladies and gentlemen, at noon tomorrow in the big clearing, lots of freebie tails are expected to be given away!

The news rapidly reached all of the corners, which made the animals both excited and interested! They started asking: “Tails? What kind of tails? What are they for?”. And then Schmoxy-Foxy said loudly:

— Well, it doesn’t matter at all now, whatever they’re gonna look like, in case they are supposed to be given for free! So they have to be picked up; We’ll make up our minds later, what they are actually for!

Early in the morning, animals started gathering into a very long line, heading for the large clearing: some of them running over, some racing up, others by air — each of them was eager to get a free spare tail.

Joe the Hare was getting about to walk out of his appartment — he looked out the window and saw the dark rain clouds setting in. He immediately heard a few raindrops drumming against his windowsill. The rain was already getting stronger, this and that way attempting to get Joe’s nose wet.

Hare Joe looked up once again and got scared: “That rain is strong enough to knock me down” — and on saying that, he rushed back into his shelter, faster than a lightning. He was sitting there, upset. But all of a sudden he heard someone say: “Toop-toop-toop!”. The ground was quaking and shaking, the trees crackling. Mr. Bear was coming right over, walking by the house Joe lived in.

— Grandfather Bear, Mr. Michael, sir… — Hare Joe asked, — if they happen to hand out free tails out there at noon today, could you, please, do me a favor as to pick up one for me too!

— Okay, Joe, — Michael the Bear said, — if I don’t forget it — I will!

The Bear left, but the Hare started meditating: “He is a too eldery person, I bet he’s gonna forget my request! Consequently, I need someone else to be asked for picking up my tail!”

And there he heard someone intterupt his reflection: “bang-bang-bang!” — Mr. Wolf was running by.

So Hare Joe looked out and said out the window:

— Uncle Wolf, if you get a chance to be given a tail, — just pick one for me as well!

— You’ve got it, squinty! — Uncle Wolf said, — I’ll bring you one, if there is anything still left there! — so he promised and ran away.

Next to it, Joe Hare was seated in an rocking chair in his appartment. And all of a sudden the grass and foliage began to rustle and sweep outside — Schmoxy Foxy was jogging by.

“He’s got to be asked too!” — Hare Joe said to himself on some reflection.

— Schmoxy-Foxy, excuse me! If you happen to be allocated a tail, might you be so kind as to kindly pick up one more for me too, okay? Won’t you?

— Agreed, — Schmoxy-Foxy said, — I’ll certainly deliver one tail for you too, gray Joe, — He said that and was gone.

Finally, a crowd of animals assembled in the large clearning to be given a tail!

Meanwhile, tails could be seen hanging down from long branches of a tree that grew in the middle of the clearing. The tails were plenty, all colors ever, fashionably designed and available in all sizes: hairy-overhairy ones, fan-shaped ones, groom-shaped and many more options could be found… There were smooth tails looking like sticks, some of them curly, in pretzels, some were very long, making a contrast to short ones, — to cut it short, every kind of tails that only could be!

Schmoxy-Foxy was the first one to reach the queue and stood at the head of the line. So when it all began, he picked himself a tail, as fluffy and soft one as could be only found in the heap and went back home content with her own choice, twirling his tail and enjoying its fashionable design.

Next to him the Horse jumped up clattering his hooves, picked a tail to fit himself with long hairs. What a tail!

The Horse’s tail was flapping left and right — such a long one that it could reach even up to the ears! Such a good gadget to wave off every kind of flies! The Horse was evidently satisfied with his choice.

Then the Cow came over to get her tail as long as a stick with a brush at the end. The Cow was glad to have been given such a good tail. Swinging right and left, getting horseflies off with her new appliance.

Squirrel Heidy was jumping from one head to another, jumping from shoulders to other shoulders, grabbed a beautiful fluffy tail, so she was gone away with it.

The Elephant was stomping around on and on, trampled all paws and hooves on his way, but when he finally reached the shelf, there was only one tail left, as thin as a lace, with a tuft of bristles at its end. The elephant didn’t appreciate his finding, but nothing was to be done for nothing else in stock anymore!

Mrs. Swine, the Pig, approached the shelf. But since she was unable to raise her had as to look up, so she got the one hanging below — the tail was smooth like a rope. First she disliked her newly acquired tail. Something had to be done about the design. She twisted it it up into a kind of curl — so that it seemed now to be looking right at the top of others — the best one!

Bear Michael was too late to discover an empty shelf — for he had dropped by an apiary on his way, to get a honeycomb — so when he arrived, tails were no more available! So he found some tiny piece of leather overgrown with wool to match his body and brought it along as if it were a tail, — so good to have grabbed a black one in time!

Eventually, all of the tails had been snatched. All of the lucky tail owners were walking back home.

Hare Joe was seated by the window, looking forward to his being delivered a new tail, and there he heard Bear Michael’s familiar feet walking past his apartment.

— Grandfather Bear, hey! Have you brought me a tail?

— Say it to me again! Nothing could be found! Look at the tiny one I snatched for myself! — And there he walked on.

So Hare Joe went on waiting for the others, Uncle Wolf could be finally heard running by.

— Uncle Wolf, have you brought my new tail?

— Look, squinty Joe, we all got so fussy to get ours that I couldn’t even remember about yours! So I barely grabbed onto one for myself, just to have it thicker and more fluffy, — he said and ran away.

Schmoxy-Foxy was jogging by.

— Schmoxy-Foxy, sir, are you bringing my tail? — Hare Joe called out.

— I’m frightfully sorry to have forgotten about your request, — Schmoxy-Foxy said earnestly. — But just take a look at my brand new tail! What a choice! What a life!

As Schmoxy-Foxy said that, her tail started wagging itself sideways. That was obviously not exactly the words Hare Joe had expected to hear. He got offended and furious to hear Schmoxy-Foxy say that! Joe nearly burst into tears.

But suddenly some noise could be heard in a distance, dog barking, squeak! That was a cat having a quarrel with a dog. By what Joe could hear, it made sense now they were merely discussing whose tail was more good-looking. That way they quarreled on and on until it grew into a real fight.

As a result, the dog bit off the very tip of the cat’s tail. Hare Joe picked it up, put it to himself as a tail and got content with what it looked like — it didn’t really matter what size it was, it was still a tail! The one Joe had nearly remained without.


Once upon a time, there lived an elderly couple — an old lady Tracy and her husband old man Paul.


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