Oh, how many difficulties can fall to the share of each individual! Cheating, betrayal, betrayal, bullying, rudeness, beating, sickness, loss… Negative past, whether we want it or not, every man has!
How to let go of your past and learn to live the present? How to let go of the people for whom you once lived? How to learn not to cling to those people who have left? It’s not easy, but let’s learn it.
Think: why do you hold onto your past? Because it was good for you there? But where did you get that can not be better? Do not you realize that the roots of many of your problems lie in your attachment to the past? Release it — and many of your problems will disappear!
You were not born to suffer. You were born and live to rejoice, laugh, feel like a happy person and share your joy with the surrounding people. Therefore, your duty to people is to find a way to get rid of suffering and start living again. No matter how hard you are now.
Yes, the losses hurt us. But the pain will pass if you release it. Just do not hold on to it. Do not think about it. And slowly, but surely get out of the swamp, which turned out to be. Now is the best time for this.
P.S. Initially, the book was written in Russian and only after that it was translated into English. Due to the specific differences between Russian and English, the author could allow minor inaccuracies in the translation. Do not judge strictly, for the English language for the author is not native. If possible, treat indulgently with possible mistakes and wrong words in the text. Remember that only those who do nothing do not make mistakes! Try to understand the essence of what the author wanted to say. Then you will get the most benefit from reading this book.
Chapter 1. The Swamp
How does it all begin?
All your problems, oddly enough, start with grievances.
Resentment is a feeling that arises when you think that you have been treated unfairly. They abandoned you, forced you to suffer, humiliated… And offended, you show that you want the attitude towards you changed. That you started to respect, appreciate, understand and love. But believe me, other people do not care about this… They are busy only with themselves. Unfortunately, this is the truth of life. And only you yourself can begin to respect yourself, appreciate, understand and love. It is unreasonable to demand this from others.
Why do you save your grievances? To the next quarrel to get them and present to their offender! But believe me, he wanted to sneeze at your grievances! If you are offended by someone and can not forgive the offense, then it will only be worse for you. If you want to continue to suffer, then continue to take offense. But if you want to start to rejoice and live fully, choose not to be offended! Forgiveness is not necessary! Just choose not to be offended and do not be offended anymore!
How to do it? Yes, it’s very simple! You just need to understand that other people do not owe you anything! They do not owe you anything! They are not required to do what you want! They do not have to run after you and fulfill all your desires and whims! Learn to respect them! And then they will respect you too!
Think: why did you give power to others in the hands of others? Do not you see that you have become their slave? Look, here someone is clicking on an invisible button (tells you, for example, that you are a pig) and you obediently take offense! And another clicked on another invisible button (for example, he left you and left) and you obediently began to suffer and experience! Do not you see how your own emotions control you like a doll? Shame on you?
You are the master of your destiny! You can stop at any time and say to yourself: “I do not want to go on about other people’s ideas! Let them do what they want, and I will still enjoy life!”
And if you still harbor some offense to someone and do not know what to do with it — so it happens, do not worry — just buy a dozen colored balls and start to inflate them, blowing in them all your resentment, all your rage and all your anger. As soon as you swindle, say to yourself: “in these balls, all the worst that happened to me” and start them to crumple, beat and bite! Watch how the balls burst and together with them all your grievances and problems disappear! Shovel them until the heart becomes light, warm and happy!
If the balls do not help or you think it’s too childish, then buy a punching bag and beat it.
Treason and betrayal
When you start a relationship with another person, you knowingly put yourself in a vulnerable position. You are pretty defenseless before betrayals and betrayals. When you are betrayed, you, of course, can humiliate a person, but this will make you feel even worse. You can take revenge, but from your revenge you can suffer yourself. So when you are betrayed, stop and take one step back to gather strength. After that, soberly appreciating what happened, be reconciled with the idea that it should be so.
Perhaps this is your personal guardian angel, taking care of your well-being, deprived you of the society of the person who led you to death? Maybe this is your personal guardian angel who has tried to lead you on your own road, where you will soon find your happiness? Such a thought can help you get rid of grievances.
Think, but what if, in fact, the person you lost could bring you even more serious problems in the future? Think about it, and suddenly you would not be happy with it! Think, what if your happiness is connected with another person whom you did not notice before? And the guardian angel helped you get off the wrong road leading to the accident, so you do not miss your way? Think about it.
No matter how hard you are now, think about the fact that everything always happens exactly as it should. All goes to good! And direct your energy, your strengths not to destruction, but to building.
In history, there are many examples where a devotee (outcast, humiliated, insulted or the like) was selected from the swamp of experiences and, having seriously taken up any business, rose above his experiences and fears. For example, the famous French composer Hector Berlioz, who for several years sought the location of the Irish actress Henrietta Smithson and rejected it, sent all the power of her emotions and feelings to create her “Fantastic Symphony”. In this symphony, he portrayed a disgusting witch who rejected him as an abominable witch, as a result of which he got rid of his torment and stopped loving her (by the way, they later got married and after a few years divorced — although this is not relevant, just a curious fact). Take this to your notice…
Do you still want to take revenge on the one who betrayed you, humiliated or offended? Strangely enough, the best revenge will be a smile on your luminous face with happiness! Remain yourself, live on and smile! Understand, the most important person in your life is yourself! And you need to take care of yourself.
If you sit at home and cry, then nothing good will come of it. On the contrary, lead an active life. Sign up for dance or yoga classes, attend concerts and exhibitions, meet new people… Take yourself in hand. Start to work more than usual.
Understand, now at your disposal is a huge force! Right now you can achieve with its help dizzying success in your work or work! Believe it or not, right now it’s that beautiful day that can be your starting point for your cherished dream!
What did you dream of in your childhood or youth? Remember! Perhaps you dreamed of learning to dance or to visit Thailand? Maybe you dreamed of writing a book or have a dog? Now you have the power with which you can do it all!
Do you feel how fast your heart is beating fast? How do emotions whip over the edge? How do your hands clench? These are signs that the awakened power is at your disposal! But what does your mind push you to do this? To revenge! And you deceive him and instead of revenge direct this force to improve your life! Then, instead of disappointment and resentment, you will find peace and tranquility.
Chapter 2. Reconciliation with the past
Accounts with life
If you are thinking about taking your life, it’s sad. Do not rush with this. Stop and think: is there really nothing good left in your life? Can not you see the grain of future happiness in your problem? Do you really want to make your loved ones suffer?
Think about the fact that any grief does not last forever. And how many joys you can lose! You could go on a trip tomorrow or a month, do drawing, music, yoga, read an amazing book, find a new love, discover the wonderful world of the cosmos, the economy or philosophy… Think, because what happened to you, for sure, in a month or the year will not seem so heavy and painful as it is now.
Do not make rash steps now. Wait a bit. Think about the state in which you leave your affairs, your work, your house… After all, for sure, there are deeds that you did not have time to complete… Complete them before you settle accounts with life… Put your papers, books and emails in order. Finish the business negotiations that have been started and give out the debts… Do house cleaning at home and give your relatives all their possessions so that it will not be wasted… In the end, write memories of your life — in the edification of your descendants. Suddenly your suffering, multiplied by your life experience, will help someone to get out of the same swamp, in which the will of fate now turned out to be you?
Do not hurry. Think three times before deciding to destroy yourself. Over time, your wounds will grow and you will rejoice in life again. If now do not make a fatal mistake.
Let go of the past
To let go is to accept what happened and not to worry about it. It is difficult to release, but necessary! Yes, your mind is afraid of change, so it tries to hold on to the past. It is easier for him to exist there, because there he already knows how to react to what is happening and does not want to retrain. But do not listen to him! Listen only to your heart!
Do not hold on to the past — release him. If someone wants to leave your life — let him go! He frees a place for someone more worthy! Of course, at first it’s always difficult. It’s hard to let go of the one you love. But if you love — let go! After all, if a person leaves you, then he is better off without you! Believe me, if he were well with you, he would not have thought of leaving you!
Now is the time to let go of the past and move on. Whatever happens, let go and move on. Do not cling to a broken past. What’s broken is broken. Agree, change, give, give, ask — all this had to be done before the relationship was broken. And now all you can do is calm down and be glad that everything has ended relatively well! No matter how blasphemous it sounds, but there is something to be glad about: first, whatever one may say, but you are alive. This is already good. Secondly, if your loved one has cheated on you, he would have cheated on you for the rest of his life. Is not it good that you broke up? Thirdly, if he treated you badly, insulted you and humiliated you, it is unlikely he would ever change. Therefore, again, is it not good that he left? Have pity on his new victim and rejoice that life has saved you from the person for whom you were unnecessary, superfluous. After all, if he had been necessary to you, he would not have cheated on you, have you? And you would not have parted for anything…
Of course, when you parted, you could experience a mental trauma, and experience pain. But now everything is in the past, everything is over. Why keep the heart hurt and ruin your life? Tell the past: “Thank you for the experience. I learned a lot, became stronger, wiser. I got a good life lesson. Dear past, thank you that you were in my life”. And release him. Do not drive it. Just let it go. Your past is your writing notebook, which you can still look at once. Do not throw it away! Just close it and open another, clean!
Yes, you can not stab the emptiness in the heart with planks… But the holy place is never empty. Certainly there will be another person who will fill the void in your heart!
Probably, after experiencing loss, you have gone through several stages of hell. It does not matter what happened — treason, parting, loss, illness, death of a loved one or something else. First you went through a misunderstanding (you did not understand what happened and all denied it, they say, “this can not be”). Then anger arose — first to the person who caused you suffering, then to the whole of humanity, and after that, at last, to yourself… And now you are still on one level of hell — have experienced the grief of loss.