Chords obscurantism

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Vasily Varga

(Роман опубликован на английском языке, в 4-х томах. Автор приносит извинение за качество перевода, если он покажется несовершенным)


Lenin Kalmyk on his father’s side. His grandfather married his own daughter, but the children in this family, oddly enough, were without mental abnormalities. Nationality had an impact on grandchildren.

Lenin’s mother was a pure-blooded Jew, Srulyevna Blank or Alexandrovna, and her father Srulya Blank, who received the Russian name during his baptism into the Orthodox faith. But since Jews consider their mother’s nationality, it turns out that Lenin is a Jew, not a Kalmyk. Russian slaves, including foreign ones, are trying to sew a piece of German blood on Lenin in order to somehow separate him from his Jewish roots. But in the future, when Lenin takes power, he will prove his Jewishness with a vengeance. He tried to fill all the power cells with people of only Jewish nationality, and openly and brazenly, publicly, in print, called the Russians fools who were not fit for anything. And indeed, Russian fools began to worship him, helped destroy the shrines of their fathers and ancestors, and sang Hosanna to him, going to his death.

He hid that he was a Jew. Why? Well, a Jew, so a Jew, what’s wrong with that? Russian Russian Kalmyk and his nationality – a professional babbler, who showed an extraordinary ability to stupefy the brains of Russians, whom he mercilessly destroyed at the hands of the proletarians of many countries; an overly ambitious, intolerant of other people’s opinions, an incredibly cruel and vindictive conspirator, born by Maria Srulevna Blank, Ulyanova by her husband, a kind of national hybrid, as the result of a cross between a Kalmyk and a Jew, or rather a Jew, since Jews are an excrescence on the body of Jews. Jews are corrupt, easily change their nation for the sake of profit, give up their last name for the sake of profit. This hybrid was carefully hidden by the Bolsheviks for many decades, although everyone knows that national identity is not a brand of moral ugliness.

We can only assume that a hybrid of national identity may have influenced the character of the future leader of the failed world revolution. We will stop at Lenin’s ancestors later and see that they were not the best people: Lenin had something to hide and something to be ashamed of.

It is possible that a cross between national identity influenced his idiotic character. The features of this character we will try to reveal, but for now we will only say that he despised his colleagues and hated ordinary workers and peasants, for whose interests he allegedly fought. Otherwise, how can we explain the mass shootings and devastation of the peasants, including those workers who dared to think differently from what he, Ilich, and his closest friend Leiba Bronstein thought?

On Lenin’s conscience (and did he have a conscience?), according to the latest data, more than eighty million people were killed during the five incomplete years of his bloody rule.

Lenin promised land to the peasants and immediately took it away as soon as he seized power. Serfdom, abolished by the hated Tsar in 1861, returned with signs of slavery and lasted until 1974, when everywhere began to issue passports to peasants.

Having seized the mass media, he spared no effort to fool the masses. The Communist media made a mountain out of a molehill, turning the leader into an idol, and the Soviet people began to worship the idol. In addition, everywhere: in the barracks, in the shop, on the collective farm, in prison, on a nail hung his portrait. And the kids, the octobrites, hung an image on their blouse, and starting from the first class, a red tie was hung around their necks. Thus, starting from early childhood, the psychological and ideological treatment of future slaves – worshippers of the great teaching and the cult of the squat usurper-was systematically carried out. Any kid at the age of five already knew that Lenin lived, Lenin is alive, Lenin will live.

When the children grew up, they usually became Komsomol members, and dreamed of joining the party, because the party opened the door to prosperity for its members.

The desire to join the party of any citizen of the Soviet country was so popular and desirable that shortly before the collapse of the Communist Empire, a bribe was already required before opening the door to the Communist Paradise. Party membership was the key that opened the magic door to relative Communist abundance, a sausage shop for those who had forgotten how sausage smelled.

This was especially true of the intelligentsia. You could get a diploma from any University in the country, but without a small red book with the image of Ilyich, your diploma meant little. All your life you could remain an ordinary engineer in a factory, all your life you could work as an ordinary teacher, if you did not have a party ticket. Those who somehow had something in a stash, in a pocket, in a bag hidden under the bathroom were already going to the party.

Getting a CPSU member’s ticket, the so-called second degree, was no longer so easy. I had to fork out. With a stretch, this can be called trading party tickets.

We must admit that the CPSU took care of its members, protected them, and did not give offense. One was bad. If you were excluded from the party for some reason, you automatically became a disabled person of the first group without maintenance.


The CPSU, like its Creator, was kept afloat by lies and falsifications. It tried to erase from history all that was positive before 17, before the coup, and start anew with the country of the Soviets.

The Soviet people lived a lie without even knowing it. A society in which there was not a single person who thought differently from the leader, in which there was not a single newspaper outside the party, from which no one was allowed to go abroad and no foreigners were allowed in, a society behind barbed wire – how could it know the truth?

But as in any society, from somewhere there were clever people claiming to be true; they were immediately caught, declared enemies of the people, judged by the “people’s” court and sent to Lenin’s places for ten or even 25 years.

Now that we have learned much about Lenin, we have no right to remain silent.

Lenin’s associates who participated in the coup d’etat and then started the civil fratricidal war were dubious individuals of the same nationality, whom Lenin carefully selected. Among the participants of the Lenin synagogue, a Georgian, Joseph Dzhugashvili ( the son of a Jew), accidentally got involved only after he robbed banks in Tiflis and delivered to Lenin 340 thousand gold rubles, a huge sum at that time. All the others were Jews, or Jews, as they were called at that time. However, these were not the Jews we knew and know today. They were renegades, they sold their faith, their surnames, their pedigree for 30 pieces of silver, shamelessly appropriated Russian names for the sake of profit and power. Their assigned surnames were Russian cities such as Leningrad, Sverdlovsk, Kirov, Kuibyshev, and others.

A bunch of scoundrels with a dark criminal past, stuck to Lenin, carried with them the philosophy of complete destruction of the Russian people, the so-called “tailless monkeys” in the words of Bronstein-Trotsky, and the settlement of the desert by their relatives.

Lenin carefully concealed his nationality. After the death of the leader, his sisters began to dig into the pedigree of the famous brother, but Stalin, learning about this, strictly ordered: silence.

                                       * * *

In a brief description of the leader of the world revolution, it is impossible to explain Lenin’s behavior in the family, his attitude to his mother and mistress Inessa Armand. Why did he demand from his mother to give the last penny, with a pension for the maintenance of the party, while the Caucasian Joseph Dzhugashvili (Stalin) so generously replenished the party’s cash register by robbing banks in Tiflis? This was simply not necessary, because the party’s cash register was replenished from other sources. This includes robberies and murders, assistance from Russian patrons, and even such a purely Communist act as the marriage of conspirators to rich brides. Lenin and members of his clan lived happily in rented apartments and even bought weapons to commit terrorist acts. Lenin himself always had bags of paper bills lying around, and he himself was at one time in the service of German counterintelligence, or rather, as evil tongues claim, a German spy.

The sudden death of Lenin’s mistress Inessa Armand after his seizure of power is not clear. But we’ll get back to Inessa.

As we have already said, Lenin pathologically hated Russia and brazenly, without hesitation, called the Russians fools who are not capable of mental activity. He demoted the Russian peasant to a stable boy, a woodcutter who could only do physical work. He called the Russian peasant trash and proved his love for him, after seizing power. He turned him into a slave who could only obey commands and praise him, the earth God. Russian Russian intelligentsia, he drove them out of the country, he deprived the Russian peasant – scoundrel of faith, shooting and hanging hundreds of thousands of priests and destroying the Church’s shrines.

Here is our benefactor!

The vile, brutal murder of the defeated Russian Tsar and his underage daughters, and of a sick child, is the testimony of a true Communist leader, who by this time had his hands up to the elbows in blood.

Why did he, so cowardly hiding behind a curtain of deep mystery, categorically demand to shoot the Royal family, among which were the servants, the sick Tsarevich Alexey and the Tsar’s sinless, underage daughters? Why and for what purpose did he shoot tens of thousands of priests, plundered monasteries and churches? Why did you banish the intelligentsia-the brain of the nation? And there is no end to such questions.

Relying on the Jews who had been summoned from all over Europe, on the criminals who had been released from prison, and on the rest of the proletariat, he slaughtered all the haves like cabbage in the harvest season. He created a new nation – a proletarian one. The proletarians, however, with special cruelty and joy, slaughtered the haves and plundered their homes.

The proletariat has given birth to proletarian children, and those proletarian grandchildren who are now beginning a new life under new conditions. They work as they can with Lenin in their chest. Lenin is their grandfather.


We know that the Bolsheviks, especially their leader Lenin, covered their bloody tracks well. The conspirator Lenin simply has no equal. When he returned to Russia, he did not part with a woman’s dress, he tried to commit crimes with someone else’s hands. This is described in detail in the Chapter dealing with the murder of the Royal family.

Naturally, Volodya’s mother managed the educational process of her children and directed it in the right direction. Perhaps it was she who instilled in the children a maniacal hatred of Russia and the Russian people, it was from her lips that Volodya heard and remembered that Russia is a barbarous country, that it is the dung of history, that Russia is the enemy of all progressive things, it is inhabited by monkeys, which for some reason are called people that there is no one more incompetent and hypocritical than the Russian peasant.

Volodya’s brother, Alexander, also learned this well. Later, when he was sentenced to death for an attempt on the Tsar and immediately offered to write a petition for clemency, he refused with contempt, believing that the Russian Tsar was just a “tailless APE”, as his mother Maria srulyevna Blank had suggested to him in Ulyanov’s marriage.

Lenin’s mother had a father, Srul Blank, who ran away from his father, moishi Itskovich Blank. Volodya’s grandfather renounced the Jewish faith and received the name Alexander as a result of his baptism. Srul’s father, Lenin’s great-grandfather, Moisha Blank, lived in the Western part of Ukraine, in Novograd-Volynsk, where at that time there were 86 other Jewish families, engaged in trade, quarreled with everyone and constantly sued Jews. Moisha was an excellent fraudster, for which he was brought to justice. After paying off his prison cell, he began stealing hay from his neighbors. He was also engaged in snitching. He was a cruel, quarrelsome, and extremely mean Jew. He fought with his sons and arranged all sorts of intrigues in the family.

In local archives, there is information that in 1816, moysha Blank appealed to the Volyn court with a demand to take the eldest son Abel into custody for being beaten. But Abel was not harmed, since his father was caught in a lie.

The character Moishe was, do not bring the Lord! Intemperance, cruelty, ferocity, rudeness, vindictiveness, intransigence – what could be worse?

Blank was found guilty of setting fire to 23 Jewish homes in starokonstantinovo on September 29, 1808. To deflect suspicion, he also set fire to his house. As we can see, the great-grandson had something to pass on.

The spiritual slaves who raised his name to the heavens tore this information out of one of the archives, but the fact is that no country has, and can not be the only archive.

Lenin from a young age clung to the teachings of Marx-Mordychai Levi and Engels, and they, as we know, belonged to the nation chosen by God. Both Marx and Engels were notorious Russophobes and all their lives considered Russia a barbaric country. Engels advised to launch the ideology of Marxism into the wild country, obviously believing that the Russian fools would accept it with a Bang. Unfortunately, the way it came out.

Marx claimed that the Slavs were the cancer of Europe. Marx (Mordechai Levi), and then the Jew Lenin were brought up on the paragraphs of the ancient Jewish Talmud, which are simply chilling. A list of these paragraphs will be given in the second part of the book.

Perhaps, having learned this philosophy in childhood, Lenin adhered to it all his life, although he did not openly Express it, it was his deep secret, hidden, as if just in case, at the very bottom of his disfigured soul.

Only to the Russians did he openly Express his hatred, considering them second-class, “Ivanushki-fools”, fit only for hard physical work.

He really liked the phrase of Engels that it would be good to launch some kind of ideology into the dark barbarian country of Russia. And then there were the words that violence and dictatorship are a beautiful thing if they are used when they should be and against whom they should be. After all, a revolution is an act in which a part of the population imposes its will on another part by means of guns, bayonets, and cannons, that is, by means of extremely authoritative means. And if the victorious party does not want to lose the fruits of its efforts, it must maintain its ascendancy by means of the fear which its weapons inspire in the reactionaries.


Lenin as a man, it seems, was never happy! Vindictiveness and viciousness, which turned into hatred of his own kind, prevented him from feeling like a normal person and getting joy from life. In the wife of Nadia, he was disappointed after the wedding night. She, poor thing, didn’t have the kind of drive that made a man furious. Gershon, who at one time served as a litter, was often capricious and demanded too much of him. In particular, he claimed the second role after Nadia. The prostitutes he visited gave him syphilis. And Inessa, his Symphony, was also a burden over time, so much so that he had to send her to” rest”, to Frunze, from where she returned in a coffin.

And the political struggle did not bring results for a long time. The Talmud, which he wrote not always himself, but also with his closest associate Apfelbaum (Zinoviev), no one read or bought, except people from the inner circle. Service in German intelligence was not only a means of earning money, but also a disgrace for a Russian citizen, and did not bring large dividends.

And the authorities, barely noticeably pinching him for political calls to seize power by armed means, made him doubt the correctness of the chosen path. These and other reasons forced the future puffed-up genius to leave Russia, which he hated with every fiber of his soul, and settle in prosperous Switzerland.

Tsar Nicholas II exiled him to Siberia and there, in exile, Lenin received a fairly substantial monetary reward, which allowed him to live on a large scale. He bought a horse for walking, composed his lifeless Talmud, while still on his own, without Gershon Apfelbaum, with whom he was not yet familiar, read revolutionary literature (Dobrolyubov and Chernyshevsky, who called Russia to the axe), conducted extensive correspondence with friends-revolutionaries. Here to he was visited by Nadenka Fishberg (Krupskaya), an admirer of his ideas, a gray mouse with slightly bulging eyes, who, apparently, had a hard time with suitors, and the future leader of the world proletariat, according to evil tongues, was already married before meeting Nadenka; here they had a fairly decent wedding. (If only the then all-powerful Russian Tsar knew how the young Jacobin would thank him when he seized power?)

But Ilyich did not show passion for his young wife as a woman; she was too docile, too loyal, cold in bed, ready for anything, reacting to everything with barely noticeable delight and unbuttoning her collar when Ilyich started to squint.

He quickly saw her as a devoted servant and realized that it was possible to indulge in strawberries on the side, and later, when Inessa appeared, he even informed his wife that in the future they would live together as a Threesome.

No one can compare Inessa with Nadezhda, and it is problematic to reproach Lenin, given his status. This must be admitted. It is impossible to explain the leader’s behavior in any other way. After moving to Moscow, the leader grew cold to his mistress, separated her from the “family”, and then, when tired – sent to the South at the disposal of Frunze. She-barely arrived at the place “fell ill” and immediately died. And then a diagnosis was invented – cholera. Did Lenin have anything to do with it? Definitely.

In a small synagogue, everyone was engaged not only in empty conversations on the subject of the revolution, but also had fun. Sverdlov suggested visiting the house of tolerance even before Inessa appeared.

The hooker, Julia, in short pants, began to ask:

— Who is here Ulanov?

“Here it is, catch it, or it’s not permanent,” Yasha said.

Julia grabbed Ilyich’s belt and pulled him to her room.

“Down with your pants,” she ordered.

Ilyich hesitated. She dropped her pants in a flash.

— Klein! it’s a small one – " said Julia, and immediately clasped it in her hand and began to squeeze and release it. Revolutionary!

The chief was very pleased. He even got a kiss on his beard.

His mood was more acceptable than ever. Yasha decided to remind about Russia.

— I don’t care about Russia!

— How, how?” the clan members whimpered. Russia – barbaric country, as said Angelus.

“No, it was said by Mordychai Levi, don’t confuse it,” said Dzerzhinsky, the future thug, massaging the pistol in his pocket.

“Don’t quarrel, comrades! Where possible, we will take power into our own hands. The main thing is that the masses, the proletariat has organized itself. The prostitutes clapped their hands.


Just the next day, again visiting a piquant institution, Samuel, an old and venerable member of the Politburo, Closed his Snout and addressed prostitutes with such a moralizing address:

— This is the leader of the world revolution, not a fucking dog.” Give him the sexiest, most beautiful tall girl no older than eighteen years old. Know this: short men love tall ladies, and tall ladies are never offended by short men. And more. Old people like us love the young, the stupid, but the irreplaceable in bed. If one of them has read Marx’s Capital, we pay double the price.

“Oh, … Oh! EU! “said the lady, Baring her metal teeth and hinting that it would not hurt to gild the handle.

Katznelson, not satisfied, took out a heavy bag and threw twenty gold rubles to the abbess. It was still money from the party’s cash register, and the party’s cash register was replenished daily by Russian patrons, and the party members themselves were not asleep. They raided banks, cash registers, robbed and even killed if there was no other way out, but the money was brought and handed over to the cashier regularly.

Soon three blondes entered, but Lenin held up his hand.

— Modesty, comrades, modesty, where is your modesty? We return to the headquarters and there we will agree on where to start the world revolution.

The chief liked the blonde so much that he made a date for her on Monday and told her that he had rented an apartment. Now they will meet separately almost every day, after hard work.

Nadezhda Konstantinovna immediately noticed the change in her husband and even dared to ask him one day at dinner:

— Volodya, what happened to you? I don’t recognize you. You smile all the time, you laugh, future generations will call it Homeric laughter, but now, before this has happened, I demand a specific answer to a specific question: where do you go at night?

— Nadia, you’re the “Capital” of Marx-Mordica take notes?

— I’m stuck on page three, why?”

— So if you dig into the personal life of the leader of the world revolution, you will become a counter-revolutionary. Do you understand?

— Understand, – he tilted his head to Nadia.

— Then go, take notes and learn by heart, and then began to spoil my appetite.

Nadenka went to her room, seized Marx’s Capital, wept over it, and opened the volume to the third page. What they were talking about, she could not understand, but the fact that she was losing her husband. as such, I understood perfectly well and decided that it is better not to interfere. Especially since Volodya not so long ago declared: under communism, marriage will break up, women will become public property, anyone who wants to enjoy the body of the opposite sex, you need to sign up for an artel of celibacy and enjoy it to your heart’s content.

                                      * * *

Volodya’s spirits rose and he felt that he could still do a lot, and posterity would be infinitely grateful to get acquainted with his main work entitled “Materialism and empirio-criticism”. Here only it is necessary to finish the plan, to define the goals and tasks of the immortal work. And this is very difficult. Even Apfelbaum himself can’t figure it out, but he could have written twenty or thirty chapters. All the more so because imperialism already exists, the proletariat has already reached its limit, but… "– he raised a finger in the air and fired loudly – " in the bowels of the proletariat, criticism is born, that is to say, criticism. He will scatter imperialism like a well-fed chicken with rotten grain.

As soon as he wrote the headline, he felt that something was missing. Placing the pen gently on the Desk, he rose from the chair as gently as he had come and began to March around the small office. And then a happy thought flashed into my mind:

— Gershon, where are you, honey, the scoundrel of all Judea?” I’ve already written the title, and then what? who will continue? Well, turn the shafts in the direction of the historical office, the historical chair where the leader of the world revolution, Lenin, just sat.

Gershon sat behind the tile stove, wiping away snot mixed with tears.

— What is it, my brother?”

“You cheated on me, you bastard. Cursed be your race of Jews. You don’t deserve to eat matzo, your guts will stick together. He cheated on me, his faithful slave, and with whom, with prostitutes.

“Freedom, Gershon, freedom. Our father Mordica Marx’s four illegitimate children, that I began to think about the offspring. What’s the use of our mating? It’s no use. So get used to it. Maybe the hookers should be done with, but Inessa will come to me, Innes From Paris, and she will become my second wife. And suddenly the offspring. A genius can’t die like this without leaving someone behind.

“And I?” Another betrayal. How many times have you cheated on me?

— As soon as the proletariat takes power in their hands, we must give them complete freedom. Let them undress and walk the streets of Petrograd naked. Since the bourgeoisie is to be completely eliminated, we need to increase the population.

That’s why I’m acting like this. You have to get used to free love.

Leni, having discarded his next historical work, and left Gershon alone, sat down at the table and began to scribble with a pen, recording new thoughts:

— “The emancipation of the spirit of sensuality, energy directed not at pseudo-family values, will help to throw this clot on the cause of the victory of socialism,” he argued to his colleagues in the usual manner, turning his balding bowler hat in one direction and then in the other, and drilling a wild look at his interlocutors and followers.

“Undoubtedly, sexual oppression is the main means of enslaving a person. As long as there is such oppression, there can be no real freedom. The family, as a bourgeois institution, has completely outlived itself. We need to talk more about this to the workers, “the leader said to his colleagues.

— No family, down with the family, to hell with the family. Only the bourgeoisie can so oppress a woman.

— The family is the shackles. Down with the shackles! – the future Sverdlov, who came running to Katznelson, expressed the smartest idea.

“And not just the family. All prohibitions concerning sexuality should be lifted… We have much to learn from the suffragettes: even the ban on same – sex love should be lifted,” Lenin concluded wisely.

The clever ideas expressed by the henchmen of the little menagerie could not be put into practice any time soon. The revolutionary situation has not yet arisen, the coup d’etat has not yet taken place in Petrograd. Lenin did not even prepare for it: in his intelligent head, various thoughts wandered, which he gave out on Gore, including these: there will be no world revolution in Russia, too, and you will have to drag out a miserable existence as an emigrant.

We will return to the sexual freedom that schizophrenics were so eager for.

There was a change in Lenin’s life, a so-called leap: he met Inessa Armand, the mother of five children. She miraculously retained her attractiveness, was smart, educated, and dressed like a Parisian, but Lenin still did not walk on four legs, and his heart was a man’s, it jumped, so that a revolution occurred in the brain. And all this against the background Of the fact that Nadia’s wife is quiet, outwardly

Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya soon after her marriage was transferred to a servant as soon as Inessa Armand appeared. She bravely endured, accepted the humiliating situation and ...she survived Inessa by ten years: Lenin sent his mistress to the other world as soon as he got tired of her.


And Krupskaya survived not only Inessa, but also the “immortal” Ilyich himself. Even a simple proletarian could lose his head, not like the leader of the world revolution.

Her rapprochement, her approach to the baton family, was a secret joy for all the members of the clan. A secret decision was made to remain silent and admire.

But one day, two months later, she felt that something was wrong and was forced to seek medical help. The doctors carefully examined the patient and stated with a malicious smile: you have syphilis, but it is not yet in the advanced form. We need to start treatment immediately.

With tears in her eyes, she returned home and did not find her legal spouse in Ilyich’s office, – asked:

— Volodya, where did you get syphilis? Before I met you, I was healthy, and now I have this terrible disease. Are all geniuses syphilitic? Nadezhda Konstantinovna was checked by doctors?

— Nadenka and I haven’t slept in the same bed for a long time. I have her as a party comrade, “Lenin burst out laughing. He gave Inessa a snakelike smile, then found Nadia studying mordychai’s Capital (Marx), and said:

— Comrade Nadia, not a step from here, do not leave the Capital open, do not leave it, do not come to me, I have an important conversation with members of the French delegation...to spread the ideas of Marxism. Work on the study of “Capital” our father Mordica-Marx… on fresh air. There is no wind, no rain, the garden bench is empty, it is waiting for you.

Nadia bowed her head and obediently left. The leader burst out laughing, then embraced Inessa and with revolutionary pathos began to explain the methods of fighting syphilis, which were equated with the methods of fighting capitalism.

— I don’t care about your capitalism or even your Mordechai Marxism: you gave me an incurable disease. In “Capital” Mordecha Marx does not say anything about syphilis and how to deal with it, – said Inessa Armand.

— Nadenka, I’m sorry, my dear Inessochka, as soon as the world revolution occurs, we will take up syphilis. A doctor gave me a thousand gold rubles as a bribe and told me that the more often we sin in bed, the more syphilis will recede further and further. This is true. I feel much better after meeting you. Therefore, let us give up relying on bourgeois doctors, and we will meet more often on the bed of love, give ourselves more warmly to each other, and thus, perhaps long before the world revolution begins, we will be cured naturally.

Lenin spoke pathetically and convincingly. Inessa had no choice but to agree with the opinion of her lover, who passionately proved the truth of his view of the problem, and she obediently, imitating Nadia, said:

“Have it your way, genius of evil. Let’s go to your bedroom.

“To our bedroom, the bedroom of the proletariat,” Lenin corrected, and burst out laughing. – As soon as we defeat these goose fools, I will issue a decree on free love, let young people walk around our cities in the Nude: everyone will hold their partner by the breast, and she will hold his twig and both will be happy – that’s what our revolution, my revolution, will give these fools.

And he laughed again, even though Inessa wasn’t naked yet.

This wild laughter, called Homeric laughter by Lenin’s colleagues and followers, chilled Inessa’s soul, and therefore she was always submissive and silent with her chosen one.

One day, both colleagues, infected with the proletarian disease, went to the mountains, taking Nadia with them as a porter and cook. She carried a huge samovar and a heavy bag of groceries.

Later, outstanding scientists of the Soviet country will explore every path where the foot of the leader, his friend Inessa Armand and the porter Nadezhda Konstantinovna set foot. Hundreds of dissertations will be written on this topic, and"stupid” doctors of pseudoscience will fool young people studying at universities in the country: it is Lenin himself, the genius of all mankind, who strolled through the mountains of Switzerland with his beloved wife and a party comrade.


The Soviet government came out with a proposal to Finance the installation of monuments on every path where the foot of a genius set foot.

Do you understand, dear comrades? the Swiss mountains are completely different and the greenery is different. This is the Marxist greens. There is a special smell, a special aroma, I was lucky enough to be in those places when I was collecting material for writing a dissertation, one or the other declared

future stupid-ass Professor. There is even the leaves of the alfalfa smell of Marxism.

And the students were supposed to listen with their mouths open and even applaud.

                                       * * *

The October revolution was a success not only because of Lenin, but also because of Germany, which so generously financed the Russian Jacobins, without giving any importance to the national composition of the most ardent revolutionaries. Ironically, it was Lenin’s heirs who defeated Germany and divided it into two parts; if the Marxists are to be believed, then the CPSU, not the Russian people, won the victory over Hitler. The Russian wine is also viewed the intelligentsia, which, without knowing it, long before the October revolution called Russia to the axe, organized terror throughout the country in the name of one thing: the change of the power of the tsars to...some democratic power. It was the intelligentsia that awakened the poor and destitute to a sense of equality, freedom, fraternity, and prosperity. The intelligentsia, as it were, prepared Russia for a coup, and then paid for it with their lives.

If Lenin’s brother Alexander and several other terrorists were hanged by the Tsar, then the genius of the Russian people, Lenin, shot and rotted in concentration camps millions of innocent people. As they say: what we fought for, we ran into. Russian patrons also kept up with the intelligentsia, they sponsored terrorists, supported the Leninist terrorist group, and treated revolutionaries as representatives of Russia’s upper class. They, too, paid with their lives for their clumsiness. In this regard, the October revolution is a perfect example of future coups for the sake of seizing power. And Lenin’s camarilla pursued one goal – to seize power, to replace concrete benches with luxurious chairs in which you can drown in foam.

                                       * * *

During walks in the company of Inessa Armand, the leader showed impatience, he wanted not only to hug and kiss Inessa, but also… something inside pushed him to explore strawberries and, without wasting time, sent his wife Nadenka away. She would go without a murmur to investigate where the path led, or to find out what kinds of berries grew in the foothills of a particular peak. At the end of some time, the party comrade, having fulfilled the party’s instructions, returned with a report on the work done. And at this time Lenin, having mastered Inessa, shouted: Yes ZD...a-mi...new …evolution!

Nadezhda Konstantinovna finally realized that there was another woman in their family, Volodya’s new civil wife.

Inessa once asked the leader of the proletariat in a moment of rest after bodily pleasures:

— Who are you, what is your nationality? You are so similar to an Asian Jew: wide-cheeked, bow-legged, or rather short-legged, eyes at the moment of excitement a little protruding, red, always angry and aggressive, even in bed, this animal aggression manifests itself. Tell me about yourself. Of course, if you can.

what he is a representative of all Nations, and I have a little bit of Russian blood in my veins, more Jewish, German, Kalmyk, Tatar. As you can see, I am an internationalist. Much of my Jewish blood made me a genius. My mother is Jewish and a little German. Father-Kalmyk. Jews are smart people, they should be given responsible, intelligent work, and Russian fools should work hard with a pick and shovel.

That’s why you’re surrounded by Jews. Are you going to make a world revolution with them?

— You guessed right. Although I plan to introduce one Georgian to the Central Committee, I think it is Dzhugashvili. Recently, he robbed a Bank in Tiflis and sent three thousand gold pieces to support members of our Central Committee. He practically bought the position. I promised to add more money to the party’s cash register.

“It’s immoral,” Inessa said.

“Morally, everything that serves the cause of the world revolution,” the leader said hotly. – I will cut out half of Russia in the name of the victory of the socialist revolution. World revolution. And Russia, the Soviet people, as Bronstein claims, is just the dung of history. We will use it to make an experiment.

— You don’t like Russia?”

— I hate her. And, in General, what is morality? Do you know what morality is? Morality is a bourgeois substance and must be eliminated. As soon as the working masses overthrow tsardom in Russia, morality will be finished once and for all.

“Well! maybe you’re right.

Genius is always right, hack to death is on your nose, sweetie.


— I have to go to France, where I have children. I’ll be back in two months.

— Then I will sit down for the work “What are the friends of the people and how they fight against the social Democrats”. Arrange for the publication of my work of genius in France.

“I need money.”

“Even a million.” The working masses actively support their leaders. Dzhugashvili still has to bring a bag of money. Information has already been received. We must Rob the landlords and capitalists and help the working masses. And we, as you know, are representatives of the working masses.

— And if your killer Doesn’t bring the money, what then?”

— I will write to my mother, she will share her pension, she has a good pension. If she lives, I will introduce her to the Central Committee of the party for financing the world revolution.

— You’re not a son.

The revolutionary Inessa did not have time to enjoy the conversation with her brilliant Burr lover, who had already given her a piquant disease, she did not yet know that he, this lover, would send her to the South and there poison her a few years before his death.

Inessa was the first to see a crowd of men and women on the path, carrying large bales on their shoulders, folding chairs, and a folding table.

“Mr. Lunin, your order is complete,” said the man in front with a bag full of bottles with champagne and cognac. “Vee owes two thousand francs. I ask you now.

— My party comrade Nadia will pay you off, here she is already coming, not a single mushroom has been found, the fool, goes empty-handed. Hey, comrade Nadia, count out two thousand francs to these morons and take part in preparing a dinner in the mountains of Switzerland. It’s just fabulous, isn’t it, Inessa? What is syphilis compared to this nature? Rubbish. Now we will have a hearty lunch like proletarians, drink like Russian fools, and begin treatment. I feel able for five more sessions.

Inessa frowned, smiled sourly, and said:

“It is commendable that you are such a giant. You are not only a great revolutionary, but also an irreplaceable lover. I’m sorry you got it from those damned prostitutes. And as for treatment in bed, not here. Let’s wait for night and..the revolutionary Inessa is at your disposal.

At this time, the sheep was already being cut up for shish kebab. Nadyezhda Konstantinovna hovered around her husband, wanting to remind him that she was still a legal spouse and that the table should have not two chairs, but three – for the leader, wife and mistress. It was written in her sightless eyes. Lenin did not like his wife’s behavior. He narrowed his eyes and ordered:

— Tovah…“Nadia, go to the revolutionary headquarters. According to my calculations, two revolutionaries are waiting for me there – Dzhugashvili and Ter-Petrosyan. More than a week has passed since the expropriation of Tbilisi banks. Tova … the search must deliver bales with three hundred thousand gold rubles. We have katast… ofically, there is not enough money. Three hundred thousand rubles in gold is several million francs.

Inessa listened with her mouth open. She was once again convinced that her chosen one is a great, wise man. And that, syphilitic, is too insignificant a flaw in comparison with his data as a national leader.

— Volodya, I am amazed at your wisdom. A few million francs is so easy to get, only you can do it. I really don’t understand where your party comrades were able to get such sums. Did they Rob banks?

“No, they took the loot from the people on my personal instructions. Hey, comrade Nadia, invite my associates Kamo and Stalin after you accept their bags of gold rubles. We’ll treat them. Put a table at a little distance, so that the smoke won’t come at us, and so that we can talk to comrade Armand about the revolution in France.

The chief’s order was obeyed. Volodya sat Inessa down opposite, stared at her with his gimlet eyes, and she shuddered and lowered her head.

— Well, what are your questions, comrade Inessa?

“I have many questions for you, Volodya. Will you give half a million to support the French revolutionaries, to whom I have the honor to belong? I still have five children, and I’m not very well dressed myself.

“No problem,” said Lenin. “Not half a million, but a lot more.” I’ve thought about it before. My mother must also send me a considerable sum. The translation will be here until the tenth.

“Mother?” you continue to Rob your own mother for your own ends and..going to a brothel? If your colleagues Rob the Russian Treasury and bring you bags of gold, you could help your mother yourself, and even how. No, I think I’ll refuse your help.


Lenin greeted the last words with laughter, because the mother of this little plyugavenkogo person, was no more than a party comrade. And he robbed her until 1916, that is, until her death. It became a symbol of immorality on her grave.

“You are naive, comrade Inessa. My mother also serves the cause of mi … ovoi …evolution, so she voluntarily gives me the last penny, knowing well that I am the leader of the world revolution. In addition, significant assistance has come from the Russian tycoon, Russian fool Savva Morozov. But, unfortunately, the frost killed herself back in 1905, our fear of expropriation. And rightly so. Morozov had left heirs. His nephew Schmidt also took his own life on our advice, and there were the heiress girls left. Our comrades of Andriani and Taratuta sent me to Russia. They will marry young chickens and thus all the wealth of their father Schmidt will go to the Fund of the party. And I, the leader of the world revolution, am in charge of the party’s Fund. So take me for what I am, I’m all in front of you, as in the palm of your hand.

“How much do you expect to get if you inherit Schmidt’s estate?”

“About ten million francs,” said the chief proudly. “But that’s not all. Comrade Gorky also helps us. He has considerable royalties for published works; he shares them with me.

“How much do you get for your work of genius?”

“No one’s buying them yet. You see, geniuses are not recognized immediately, but when I free these Russian fools from tsardom, my works will be published in millions of copies. Let them read, study every letter, learn how to live. Fifty, one hundred, two hundred volumes of my works will be collected by this time. They will supersede from counters of shops of all sorts Dostoevsky, Gumilev, Turgenev and Tolstoy even.

“You wrote that Tolstoy is a mirror of the Russian revolution,” Inessa said. “You never know what I wrote about. I, of course, will not forbid Tolstoy, but all the works of Tolstoy are not worth a single page of my work” What to do?”. I believe that the people themselves will turn away from Tolstoy in the direction of my works of genius. And Dostoevsky has no place in Russian literature. This is a bourgeois writer.

— But it is very popular in Europe.

— Spit. Europe, like Russia, will become socialist. We will liberate Europe.

“I dream of it, too. But today I see: you are a rich revolutionary. See how you turn into a capitalist.

“But that’s not all. I have in mind Ermakov from Syzran, I approached him with tearful letter about support of the party. I will write to him that the only party that can bring happiness to the Russian people is in distress: there are no funds not only for the publication of the Newspapers Iskra and Pravda, but also for a plate of soup for the leader of the world proletariat-ha … ha… ha! And it will help. Later, when the revolution is complete and we come to power, I will shoot them all without trial – all, all: priests, capitalists, entrepreneurs, landowners, and him, the scoundrel, too. The gallows will be placed in the squares so that these Russian fools will see and honor us, the Bolsheviks.

“Volodya, that’s enough. You’re a Jacobin, that’s not good, “Inessa said, and downed her glass of champagne. “Let’s talk about something else.

“About what, comrade Inessa?” Lenin asked, sipping an expensive French cognac.

“I’m suffering from this damned syphilis. You gave me this sore and let’s think about how to get rid of it.

Inessa looked at him with helpless eyes, and when the little trickles of tears ran down her cheeks, she did not wipe them with the smart handkerchief that lay on the table instead of a napkin.

— You, comrade Inessa, do not have sufficient revolutionary courage, weak, and should be happy that even such a damned bourgeois disease as syphilis, gave you not just anyone, not some bourgeois, but genius leader of the world revolution, Lenin. The imperialists specifically sent me a woman with this disease, they are trying to get back at me for exposing them, for raising the masses against them, but they did not succeed. Why didn’t it work? because I am a staunch revolutionary. And as soon as I come to power, I will eliminate this disease, and all those who are ill with this disease, I will hang, shoot. This will be the verdict of the revolutionary court. Here you are, you damned imperialists, a cuckoo to you, not a victory over genius, genius cannot be defeated. Even time has no power over him.


Parvus did almost everything for Lenin to take power. If there were no Parvus, there would be no Lenin. Parvus could not have imagined that in his effort, in a successful Scam to persuade the German leadership to allocate huge amounts of money for the revolution to a little-known clerk, Lenin would see a subterfuge, a desire to push him away from the Supreme power and basely betrayed his patron.

Inessa, like any sweet and weak woman, froze with the glass in her hands, she was overcome by fear, mixed with love for this man, the glass fell out of her hands and broke into pieces.

“What’s wrong with you, Inessa?” are you ill? Now I will read you a Chapter from my work” What to do?” it will make you feel better. The revolutionary spirit … it encourages, it leads to victory, and victory is the screams, the whistling of bullets, the flow of blood, the roar of the crowd. And the crowd… that… flock of sheep. What a thrill, it’s hard to imagine! Just don’t think that I stole the title of my work from Chernyshevsky. He, this novel, so-so. Rus: to the axe, and there is nothing else there. I just recently read his opus, so through one page. I reached the axe and threw it. Chernyshevsky’s a sucker. We don’t need an axe, but a large-caliber weapon. I read the title once and thought: why don’t I write a political novel “What to do?” Want me to read it?” There are outstanding places there, where is Leo Tolstoy or Chernyshevsky? This is very important, sit down, listen! Well, I ask you, and my request is like an order from the mouth of the leader of the world revolution.

“N-no!” I was afraid, sorry for the moment of weakness. Just tell me: do I also fall under this list of patients to be hanged or shot?

— What kind of shooting, Inessa?” Sometimes execution is replaced by hanging, especially when there are not enough bullets and guns. Let’s do this. Read my work” What to do?” and then go to Paris, see the professors, have them treat you. This syphilis, as you call it, was sent to me by the Czar’s gendarmes. I will hang this king! no, I’ll put him alive in a barrel of acid.

— Yes, I tried, I read one page of your work, but, I’m sorry, there is such gibberish, such a clumsy syllable, who can read it to the end?

— Well, there are separate places… you know, they don’t belong to me. Gershon Apfelbaum set it up. After his eighth glass of beer, he began to scribble. The fact is that we are writing this outstanding work together, together, so to speak. And this is very important. You know, we always get together with him, genius people have genius fights, and Gershon is the master of these fights. I even hit him on the back with a rolling pin, and it turns out that he likes it: he sometimes cries, then screams with joy. And it is in my brilliant work tries to introduce these squabbles as much as possible. You can avoid them. By the way, Gershon wants to become a Zinoviev, a Russian man, which means that he must break with the Jews. He is ready to betray his faith, his name...for thirty pieces of silver, and all for the sake of a world revolution. So you, after reading at least the first part of my brilliant work, go to France. In the meantime, calm down, be as courageous as any friend of a great man.

— Where will I get funds for treatment, Volodya?

“I’ll give you ten thousand francs,” said Lenin. “You want fifty.” You have the right to help… you contribute to the good cheer of the leader of the world revolution. You have no one to take it from, and I take it from my mother, and she sends me part of her pension, and it will continue until she gives her soul to God. Oh, forgive me until she gives me her soul, because I, Lenin, will become an earthly God as soon as the world revolution is complete, as soon as we free all countries from the yoke of capitalism.

“Ten thousand.”. . Yes, this amount is enough for one reception.

Lenin scratched his head. His mind worked clearly and always correctly. There are two options for helping Inessa: either he will write to his mother – send all his pension to the world revolution, mother, or a party friend and his legal wife, Nadia, will hurry to get the inheritance after their parents died. But when will they die? contribute to it. Maybe they should send Kobu to kill them, or rather, put them in bed and cover them with bags of salt so that they don’t freeze, the world revolution can’t wait.

Inessa started to say something, but he held up a finger, which meant: shut up Inessa. Both of them


we heard loud music and the sound of a drum. Lenin started.

— This is an attempt!” Lenin was afraid. He turned pale and rushed to put the pot on his head, and then, like a frightened cat, leaped through the open window, and was gone.

Inessa couldn’t help but laugh, she hadn’t seen him like this before, and yet she ran out into the street and watched which way he ran.

Cavalcade of the people of the South nationalities has forced her to stop. Soso Dzhugashvili actually fired a pistol into the air, while others accompanied it with applause and dancing.

A crowd of violinists, slender girls, and two powerful Caucasians appeared around the corner, tap – dancing or performing an unknown Georgian dance with the refrain-AssA, AssA!

Soso raised a hand.

— Mi na Lenyn, on the guest, on the important guest.

Inessa was not at a loss.

“Volodya has just gone to get some mushrooms. You wait for us in the garden, sit in the chairs, there are decanters of mineral water, beer, all sorts of snacks. Red caviar, black caviar, cold smoked eel. We felt that guests were coming. However, we have someone visiting us every day. Gershon alone is worth something, “she said his name in a half-whisper and ran away.

A narrow path, strewn with red sand, led down the hill to the mighty fir trees where the paramedics had recently visited with saws.

— Volodya! leader of the world revolution, where are you? don’t be so careful, as it is in Russian, and cowardly. These are guests from the Caucasus. The delegation is headed by Dzhugashvili, a short, strong man with a pockmarked face.

But no one answered. Suddenly she saw a bunch of spruce branches in a small clearing, they seemed to be moving all the time. It was Lenin who was sneezing on the damp ground. She came closer.

— Genius of the world revolution, get up! It’s me, Inessa. You have company. They are waiting at the house.

— Are you in League with them?” admit it, it’s better. The masses won’t forgive you.

The chief hatched and, half crouching, cowardly lowered his head, and went up the hill with his friend, leaning on her arm.

Lenin, as soon as he saw the guests, clapped his hands.

— This is Dzhugashvili, the future Stalin and Ter-Petrosyan, two great revolutionaries in the South of Russia and my right hand in expropriation – the Jew Krasin.

As soon as the Caucasians entered the house and slammed the bags of gold rubles on the floor, Lenin, as if not paying attention to this wealth, burst into the Homeric laughter peculiar to him, the leader of the world revolution, and said:

— Comrade Stalin and comrade camo, be familiar with Inessa Armand-the best revolutionary in France. She came to the future leader of the world revolution, Lenin, to convey that the French people will join the working class of Russia, and together with them will stand on the barricades to the victorious end.

“Am I going to be Stalin from now on?” Mne white has such a resonant nickname? Me, the Caucasian bandit, life is now Stalin? Ti heard Perdolan-Budosan, Kamo? AssA, AssA, “the young Djugashvili, who had been renamed Stalin by Lenin, danced again.

“And mine is called Kamo.” Ochen wisely chose the name. Stalin-Kamo, Stalin-Kamo. Kamo-Lenin, Kamo-Stalin-Druze, Bratva, how is it better to say it in Russian?

“I was planning to make a revolution in Europe, not among these goose dugaks, but I’ll have to change my tactics. Tova … looking for B… onstein claims that the geese are the dung of the isto … AI. It’s a… hi important. But so 11

Ganetsky brought a bag of money. It wasn’t a floor-to-ceiling bag, it could hold as many bills as a suitcase, but it was still a bag of money. Previously, the chief was happy with such an offering, dreamed of giving up his mother’s pension, which was shared monthly with him, but forgot everything. The proletarian idlers had to live on something. Money bags bubbled and then became flat.

“How are you, Ilyich?” Is there enough money? Brought two million from Russian patrons for the revolution, and for the salaries of our employees, “he said, fixing his red eyes on the safe that stood in the corner and always looked at its true owner, Ilyich. – Here’s the bag, all right, seals, stamps, you can look at it. Give me the key, open it and … pack it.

Lenin narrowed his left eye.

— Statement! You’re a scoundrel, I know you, probably stole half the bills. You’re wearing a suit. New, dear. And I, the leader of the world proletariat, have been wearing the same clothes since spring. The jacket and vest aren’t bad, but the pants smell like piss. You know how it is. The jet reduces the pressure of urine on the pants. I should take it off and throw it away, but...there’s nothing to replace it with. How so? I’m still a chief, not a dog. Show me your pants! Here, not a single spot. How many times do you change your pants-once a day?

Ganetsky was offended, blushed, wanted to shoot loudly, but it did not work.

— The same thing. You don’t trust anyone. Do you even believe your mother?

— Anything can happen. When a pension is delayed, I just hate it. How so? Her son, the leader of the world revolution, wears only trousers. My mother and you are a pair of boots. You, ganetsky … add at least two hundred thousand. On the costume. Bitch d, nowhere not’ll spend, buy a suit and all. If you want, I’ll take the receipt from the store for presentation. Ganetsky is a lousy Jew. And you’re driving me, a genius, to beg you. Give me the key to the safe and get out. Hey, Apfelbaum, have you cleaned your house yet? Go get the keys from that lousy Jew. However, you can not give, I will demand that my mother sent a pension. When I really need money, I count it ten times, thinking that my mother hid some of the money, did not exactly divide the pension in half. I am suffering a little nervous. And then the kindness comes, and I start talking to myself: what about her with the old woman, she is old, greedy and we will be the same. You’re a lousy Jew! key on the table! Otherwise I’ll turn around and tell you my name. I’ll go to the hookers and dump the whole bag.

Lenin was excited. Her lips began to tremble and her face to burn. The pockets were empty – the key to the safe was hidden in the back pocket of his trousers.

“Look in the moth, you always hide it there.”

“Oh, Yes, it’s very important,” Leni said, and reached into his pants.

Finally, he waved his hand and started scribbling, and the amount did not interest him at all.

“What’s wrong, Ilyich?” Throw your Talmud in the oven.

— Yes here it does not work, or rather, beyond the fact that nothing comes out. The revolution is on the decline, we are not needed by anyone and will soon become miserable emigrants, that’s what happens. Did you bring the newspaper?

“Something, something, read it. Our blood brother, Gelfand Israel, called Parvus, wrote something. It’s damned interesting. A plan … a wise plan. Parvus, the great Parvus. A real Jew, while you and I are both lousy Jews.

“Um, they count chickens in the fall. That’s what my mother says when I ask her to send her entire pension to the world revolution.

Nevertheless, the words “great Parvus” stung Lenin, either in the left side or in the bald spot, and he shuddered and almost broke the inkstand.

— This Parvus, this goodgulf, he wants to undermine my authority in the party, I noticed it long ago. I won’t allow it. He slammed his fist on the table top and rested his chin on his open palm. – How do I get him out of the way?” Furstenberg, tell me. Hang or shoot? Koba-Stalin could have done it, if Yakub had called him. Why are you looking at me like a RAM at a new gate? call him and that’s it. Why did you come here, I didn’t call you, you bastard? Give him ten thousand and that’s it. If it’s not enough, give me twenty. You have the money… about a million.

“Why clean it?” make friends with him. Where did you put this Apfelbaum? He also wrote works, signing them with your name. And sometimes replaced you with a woman. And this, I will tell you, is the best medicine.

“Take off your pants, I want to try you out, too.”

— I’m not ready for this. I need to relieve myself.

“You forget yourself, Fustenberg. I never did any sodomy, especially after that pretty Inessa arrived. I switched to it.

“Volodya, don’t be angry. You put everyone away somewhere, send them away… you fuck them one at a time, you slobber all over them. Apfelbaum is complaining about you…

“Is it Zinoviev?” I’m tired of him. Sent him away, let him go where he wants, let him get some air. That’s it, ganetsky, go away. I’m tired of you all. I’ll take a NAP, then read this newspaper. What does this Parvus of yours think?

— Don’t touch Parvus, he will do for you what no Jew in the world will do: he will give you power on a silver platter.

“Get out of here, Ganetsky. I’m tired of you, too. I’m tired of all of you, and I’m tired of everything. The leader of the world revolution is angry.

As soon as Ganetsky (Furstenberg) smoothly closed the door behind him, Lenin opened the newspaper and froze in surprise…, there was a plan for the future October revolution of 17. Parvus is wise, damn it. But Lenin in this project was listed only as a secondary person, as a performer. It had hurt him. But what was in this plan came in handy for Lenin. He began to alter this plan in his own way. The Parvus plan says: “The proletariat cannot strike a class blow at its government without committing ‘high treason’, without contributing to the defeat, without helping to break up ' its ‘imperialist’ great ‘power’, " he argued rather confusedly, foaming at the mouth. This was exactly what Parvus later reported to the German General staff. And there they agreed to cooperate with the traitor of their country to Russia, Lenin, Parvus asked for fifty million gold marks. This is Lenin’s cheered. Why hadn’t he guessed? We need to meet this Parvus and strangle him, not the plan...pass it off as your own.


“This Parvus, a scoundrel with bulging eyes, sees further than me, this is unacceptable,” thought Lenin and was indignant, “this Parvus is an idiot with bulging eyes and...and he is a Jew, but I am not. I will destroy it. He took a swipe at my authority with his plan. What is this idiot capable of? He can dismember the corpse of his mother for the sake of a world revolution, just as I can, he can betray the closest friend, pour blood over the country in the name of achieving his goals?”

Parvus appeared to Lenin in 1905, but if Lenin was a minor pawn of this adventure, then Parvus was higher than the Tsar.

Once in penal servitude, Parvus escaped, found himself in Turkey, achieved outstanding success there, but never for a moment forgot about the collapse of Russia.

After filling his pockets with gold bars from various countries, he rushed off to Switzerland to meet Lenin. Lenin at that time was in need of help. I had to live on my mother’s pension, which was clearly not enough for carousing, for prostitutes, for all sorts of other things. Being capricious and quarrelsome, he tired of his sponsors, constantly knocking out money.

And then Parvus fell out of the sky. I’ll have to go to the meeting, where to go.


Parvus sat at a table in a famous cafe, drooling, with watery, bulging eyes, waiting for his imaginary friend.

Lenin appeared, thin, hunched, angry, in a dark shirt and a red vest, blowing his nose all the time and saying softly, without giving Parvus a hand:

— Well, bitch, do you eat fat? Did you bring money?

“I don’t owe you anything, uncircumcised Jew,” Parvus said, his eyes bulging even more.

Lenin stared without blinking; he was much shorter than Parvus, hunched over, one of his eyes squinted and kept squinting, waiting for Parvus to look down. But Parvus snapped the seeds, spat the husks, so that the husks brushed the future leader’s bald head.

“All right, Shalom, my friend,” Ilyich said at last. Sponsors fail. When I become the Emperor of all Europe, I will cut out these sponsors like cabbage.

Parvus reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of money wrapped in a rag.

— There are a million marks here. Just don’t take a swing at Europe, it’s too much. Russia is Enough for you. Start with Russia, and then we’ll see. If you take power, don’t forget that there is a citizen of the world named Pavus. The position of Finance Minister would suit me. I can’t finish the mansion, I still don’t have enough money.

“Wait, wait. Should I start with Russia? from Russia? I don’t care about Russia. Russia is a wild country, where only fools live-Asians, and I am a person of European scale.

“Don’t get mad. Remember Mordaha Levi and Engels. They chose Russia. Remember, socialism is slavery. We need to make the Russians slaves. And then on their shoulders to enter Europe.

— I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t want to give up on my dream yet, not that character, but thank you for the money. If I get rich, I’ll give it back.

— You will never be so rich, and you will never have as much money as I have. So let’s target Russia. No one in the world can do what you can do… with my help.

— How do you know?”

Lenin filled the floor of his pocket with seeds and also began to spit.

— Yes, because there is no such vile, such an immoral person as you. All communities of the world do not recognize your greatness, and will not remember your name because of your cruelty, meanness and inhumanity, you are a devil in the form of a man. You, Volodya, are a complete idiot. And give good. When I get the go-ahead, I’ll go straight to the Kaiser of Germany in Berlin and squeeze 50 million marks out of him for a coup and one million soldiers armed to the teeth. You will seize power in Petrograd, playfully. You’ll make me Finance Minister.

— Or you can shoot them. In short, we have a deal. Only…, – Lenin thought, he already had a phrase in his brain, but he was in no hurry to voice it.

— What is “just” that?

— Only Russia is just a platform for the beginning of the world revolution. In this case, I agree with everything. But don’t forget, the position of Supreme remains with me, and the position of Finance Minister will be decided. We just need to get out of here. Now it is not easy to get to Russia: the war.

— I’ll take care of everything.”

“At least buy me a beer.”.. what are cookies, and that my women are only treated to pasta.


Parvus had no trouble getting to the war Minister’s reception in Berlin and laid out his clear plan for becoming a winner in Europe. The Minister jumped up in his chair and said curtly:

— Waiter! “Go on!”

— Since Russia has the most powerful army on the Eastern front, this army must be decomposed, and decomposing the army can be by coming to power of extreme left-wing extremists, take power in the country and become a dictator. The dictator’s last name is Lenin.

“Ah, that’s a familiar name, he’s a member of our counterintelligence service, and Germany pays him a lot of money. And you think this is the right candidate?

He pressed the call button.

— Hoffman to me.

General Hoffmann entered.

— How does your ZUZIK? Report to us.

“A high-class scoundrel. He quarreled with everyone. He’s been sitting around and snitching. He was given a dark night twice. But he is the head of the Bolshevik party, and the Bolshevik party stands for Russia’s defeat in the war with Germany. I look at it negatively. He has Russian citizenship. How can this be done? He had already begun to propagandize that his Bolshevik party favored the defeat of Russia in the war with Germany. You can’t find a better scoundrel.

“I see that you agree, Minister,” Parvus said more confidently. – But in order to work out according to this plan, it is necessary that Germany allocate 50 million marks for the coup, for the maintenance of the Communist party and for the relocation of Lenin and his gang to the capital of Russia, Petrograd. They should be given a bulletproof, sealed car and allowed to pass through the front line.

The Minister promised to allocate this amount within ten days.

                                       * * *

At this time Lenin was already writing small articles in small Newspapers about the Bolshevik party’s support for Russia’s defeat in the war with Germany. These small articles were thrown over the front line into the trenches, fell into the hands of soldiers, natives of the peasants and workers, and were read out at meetings to applause.

— Correctly Lyalin calls, necha to fight with each other, it is necessary to fraternize. All men are brothers.


“Our party stands for the defeat of Russia in this war. When Russia is put on its back, the Bolsheviks will seize power and it will be possible to turn the imperialist war into a civil one.

Russian Russian troops are successful on the Russo-German front, and then the Russian troops push the Germans back. Why not take advantage of these changes in the interests of the world revolution? What if we could bring Russia to its knees, put its army from within, to overthrow the king and seize power? And the Germans, as a sign of gratitude, will allocate funds, because who can help implement a brilliant plan? Of Course, Germany. Germany should defeat Russia and the Bolsheviks provides it with an invaluable service”.

Lenin did not sleep for two nights and made a plan (based on the plan of Parvus), which was destined to be realized. He actually only put extra commas, and amplified sentences by repeating the same words. He stole this plan from him, just as he would later steal the slogan from the social revolutionaries: Peace to the people, land to the peasants, factories and factories to the workers.

In these circumstances, the question arose: who should implement the plan of Parvus-Parvus himself or he, Lenin? Who should I bet on? On Parvus? No! where is this Parvus? Where is ganetsky, serve Parvus and ganetsky! We must negotiate. The bet must be placed on him, on Lenin!

Ganetsky came running, but Parvus could not be found during the day with fire.

“Proud, you rascal. Judge him by a revolutionary court, as the prostitute who dared to insult the leader of the world revolution, that is, me.

“Vladimir Ilyich,” said Fusternbergganetsky in a trembling voice, as he saw the muscles of Lenin’s face tighten, the lines on his face smooth out, and his eyes pop out of their sockets. – Parvus collects money from theaters that stage Gorky’s play “at the bottom” in Germany. Gorky gave such an order, he wants to help the world revolution and his friend, that is, you, Vladimir Ilyich. Twenty percent goes to the author of the play, twenty to Parvus, and the rest goes to the party register, as I have already told you. Maxim Gorky is your friend, he is a friend of the world revolution and my friend. And you wanted to hang him for it… as a token of gratitude, so to speak. That is, I mean Parvus, our breadwinner, the Saviour of the revolution.

“That scoundrel is Bitter. You need to give all your money, like me, for example. You bring me whole bags, and I give them to the cause of the world revolution.

After a well-expressed thought, ganetsky began to smooth his paces, and when he smoothed his paces, Lenin already knew that ganetsky was thirsty, his throat was dry.

“You don’t understand jokes, ganetsky! Gorky and I rested in Capri and argued and argued. He demanded that the party call Marx by his real name Mordychai, and I objected. Marx is almost the world, and Mordichai black Jew, you know?


Zinoviev, that is, Apfelbaum, had returned from Paris before his time, looking battered, battered, scratched, with a large bruise under his left eye, limping on his right leg, as if seeking help from someone. He must have been picked on somewhere along the way, because he liked to harass ladies accompanied by gentlemen, introduced himself unnecessarily, and immediately inquired the name of the lady.

Not always did this behavior get away with the impudent Jew, who liked to take the bull by the horns. This time he had the audacity to whisper in the lady’s ear that he was up to his knees. The lady, half in joy, half in terror, exclaimed, “George, help me out!”

Georges did not knock out the revolutionary himself; he merely nodded to the two guards who accompanied him.

The worst thing that happened was that Gershon wetted his underpants so profusely that trickles ran down his sandals, which threw him into an area of shame and discomfort. He had to take off his sandals, wring out his socks, and put them on his bare feet.

After passing two houses and seeing another couple: a short man in a straw hat, and a lady with painted lips, looked at him, and he read on her face: I want you, and immediately rushed to the diner, followed the couple, immediately ordered two glasses of tea and warmed up. The lady noticed his bare feet and immediately turned away with disdain. “Um, it didn’t work out,” he said aloud and ran to Lenin, whom he hadn’t seen for two weeks.

— What’s up, Gershon?” Why the black eye? the chief asked. – You must have been whipped by the bourgeoisie for preaching in the square when you called for a world revolution.

— At the barricades fought. At the heart of Paris. We were three Jews with sticks, and there were about two dozen of us. It’s a good thing they didn’t. We were saved by singing the Marseillaise. The Japanese understood from the melody that we were representatives of the proletariat. Volodya, but I had to wet my pants. They are still wet. Do you have any extra clothes?

— What isn’t, isn’t. I suffer myself. I only get new trousers twice a week, but I should have them every day. My trousers are always wet. I suffer from incontinence, leader of the world proletariat. If you want, my suit is in the trash, I just changed it. I hope my trousers are dry. Why are there no socks? You’re lying, Gershon, and you haven’t even blinked an eye, “Lenin advanced, squinting his left eye.

“What would you do without me?” – Gershon asked a provocative question.

“Gershon, don’t brag or lie. Probably hit someone and got it in the snout. The way to do it. Did you bring money? We are catastrophically short of money, and without money you can’t make a revolution.

— Our book was published in Paris, but it only contains your name, and we both worked harder than you. Gibberish, however, turned out, but it justifies the name “What to do”.

— You worked hard, I’m sure, but I was thinking. These are my thoughts in this great work, not yours. you haven’t grown up to be the leader of the world revolution. Let’s sit down, let’s make edits, remove inaccuracies, there are a lot of our assumptions, and life makes adjustments…


Gershon paused. I realized that it was useless to argue. He had already changed into ragged trousers and a sleeveless shirt: although Lenin used him as his servant, he kept a tight rein on him.

— What are you doing with a knife?”

“I’m sharpening my pencils.”. .

— Great works are written with a quill pen. Listen, Gershon, have you met Inessa in Paris? At a rally, she made a speech and said my name, referring to my great works, including “What should I do?” Maybe she bought this book and wants to meet me, you don’t know. I caught a glimpse of her once.

“I haven’t seen it anywhere, though I’ve searched day and night,” Gershon lied shamelessly.

“Well, then, go to Paris, grab her hand, and say: the leader of the world proletariat orders you to appear naked before him this minute,” said Ilyich, and rolled his eyes.

And when the chief rolled his eyes, Gershon knew it was useless to argue. He threw on a robe, grabbed an armful of sharpened pencils from a Desk drawer, put them in an inner pocket, and ran out into the street.

“Shalom, Ilyich,” he said on the way, noticing that Ilyich was mincing along behind him.

“Um, tramps, a party of tramps. Well done, “Lenin shouted, catching up with Gershon,” we’ve already managed something, but not quite, because pop Gapon intervened, “down with Popov!

“Pop Gapon went out on your assignment,” Apfelbaum said at once.

“What?” How dare you object, Apfelbaum? Out! get out, you damned Jew.

— You’re a Jew yourself… Kalmyk, said the response in the hearts of, but immediately fell on his knees and began to kiss in a bunt.

Lenin smoothed his paces, which meant that Gershon was forgiven.

— You call me Yankel from the Urals. Katznelson to me and urgently. He works wonders there, following my instructions. I’m not just sitting here. From tramps I have reached the real party, the party of terrorists, – Lenin began to brag. We fundamentally disagreed with the Polish Jew by Majewski, who openly encouraged terrorism, but I still secretly. Conspiracy and more conspiracy. What does this mean? This means that if our man, a member of our party, is a terrorist in the underground, then he must not know anything. He is given the task of throwing a bomb at the Minister, he must throw it and hide like a mouse in a hole. But I’m thinking of improving this issue. You listen, don’t close your eyes, Zinoviev – Apfelbaum. What, the bitch was up all night, right? What a revolutionary.

— O great one, o wise one… I’m on my way to pick up Inessa.

“That’s different. Revolution is a whole science. Do you understand, Gershon? Makhaevsky considered militant hooligans, tramps, and lumpens to be the driving force and healthy element of the labor movement, bringing a living stream of “common proletarian sense” into the working environment. Here I agree with him, and then no, then we parted. Majewski… he’s nobody now, and I’m the head of the Bolshevik party. Apfelbaum vaguely guessed that the future revolution would belong to the tramps and lumpens, those who are in prison for murder, rape, and its success depended “only on one of his “arrogant” demands, on one of his “boorish” insatiability.”

— And what did the great Yankel do in the Urals, share. And then, I don’t know where to go, to the Urals to this lousy Jew, or to Paris for a beautiful lady? Have you got your brain in place? It doesn’t look like it.

“Gershon, great people have their moments. Don’t pay attention, how much do I have to tell you? Go and get Inessa, and then go to the Urals for Yankel.

“Have mercy and save me!” I can’t stand all this, and then where can I get the money for the trip? You’re still clinging. It’s got to the point where I wear ragged shoes.

— Well, if your mother sends you her pension, I’ll give it to you for Slippers, so be it.

Gershon wept. He wanted to say something else, but the words came out as” later, later, later.”

“Later, later, wait, I don’t care about your tears. About Yankel later. He does wonders there. Yankel follows my advice about attracting everyone to the Bolshevik party without exception: artisans, paupers, beggars, servants, tramps, prostitutes, and ex-cons. And there are results. This is the motto of the future coup, mind you. All democratic principles must be exclusively subordinated to the benefits of our party, including the integrity of the individual. The support and Foundation of our party remain, and will continue to be, the lumpen proletarians, criminals, and tramps. Based on the experience of numerous Russian Zionist sects, we must build the party structure on strict dictatorial principles of absolute subordination. Those who disagree with these methods within the party are subjected to fraud, slander, and slander...destruction.

Apfelbaum lost his composure and sense of proportion this time.

— You’re stubborn and cruel, “he said,” and you can’t stand other people’s opinions about anything, and not just in politics. You are envious to the point of frenzy, you can’t let anyone but you remain the winner. The cruel and evil comes out in you – like in a dispute, like in a game of croquet or chess, when you lose. To be independent, to argue with you about anything, or to beat you at croquet, is to make an enemy of yourself once and for all… Lenin’s face.

“Ha-ha-ha, it’s true. Damn it: not in the eye, but in the eye. These are traits of genius, Gershon, mind You...next, just listen: in Orthodoxy we see a huge competitor in the fight for the souls of people. Any religious idea of any God, any flirtation with God, is an unspeakable abomination… the most dangerous abomination, the most vile infection. I’m going to write a book on religion and the Church. As early as 1901 I stated: “As a matter of principle, we have never renounced and cannot renounce terror.” Based on these two principles, it is necessary to start building the Bolshevik party. Oh, I forgot. Church… we will demolish it from the face of the earth, and hang the priests, dig up the graves, collect the silver and gold and send it to the European proletariat...Jewish nationality.

— My head is splitting, let me go.” I’m already late for my train.

“And Yankel Katznelson?” Don’t you want to hear a good review?

“Later, later.

Ilyich once again recalled his party structure and Katznelson’s successes in the Urals.

They, two Jews, were sitting in a clearing under a Swiss oak tree, eating ikura and drinking beer, when Lenin raised his finger and said:

— You, Gershon, go back and finish the Chapter, Paris is not far away, I will go alone.” In any newspaper I’ll advertise “Communism-society of free sexual relations”. I will give this lecture myself. Inessa will come, of course. She can’t not come. In the last letter, which is already the third on the bill, she expressed a desire to meet and that’s where the acquaintance will take place.


On the outskirts of Paris, it was not difficult to rent a small public dining room and quickly turn it into a hall for listeners. A rostrum was erected, a vase of flowers was placed on an uncovered table, and the leader of the world proletariat, still little known to Parisians, was already sitting at this table, reviewing a lecture he had written a week ago. Like any work of Lenin, it turned out to be chaotic and little accessible. Therefore, we apologize to readers for its non-existent charms with hooked bends, which contributed to the urge to sleep, and some were excited and made to believe in the genius of the lecturer.

“A socialist society, Archie, will be freed from bourgeois marriage. Well, the one that requires a Church wedding, and the Church is a sham, you know. The society of free proletarians and other protestors held behind bars on the instructions of the Tsar can copulate without registration. Girls who have reached the age of 16, who have a down there, in a forbidden place, are required to bare themselves indoors and on the street, if there is no severe frost. They should not deny two-legged stallions copulation, especially if they see that the penis is ready, in a socialist need, bursting his pants. This is the order of the Bolshevik party.

It is important that the socialist penis should be in revolutionary readiness, that it should be as firm as a socialist bayonet. A woman can squeal with pleasure or accept a penis in silence. You know, under socialism, society will be free.

— And if the penis is infected with syphilis? – what is it? “asked a lady with a cigar in her mouth.

“He, a man with a socialist penis, is allowed to find a woman who is also infected with syphilis,” the speaker replied. – Go on. Of course, there will be illegitimate children, and no one will be able to determine who is whose father. Such a father can be the leader of the world proletariat, that is, of course, me. I beg to love and favor. Before you is not a dog, but the future leader of the world proletariat. We need a society without fathers, or rather with one father. You can call this society simply-a society without fathers. The proletariat of the whole world will support such an undertaking. I already have many supporters in Russia.

The audience, wiser, and some more ugly, began to whisper, raise their fifth points, then move into one line. The speaker stood bravely with his hand behind his waistcoat. And for good reason. Behind the first column was a mysterious woman in a hat, a smart coat, with a collar around her neck –close. She rarely peeked out from behind the column and blinked. Does She?

“Yes,” said Inessa, and again she hid behind the column, running magnetic lines in the direction of the genius speaker.

The speaker jumped up and down, intending to free the proletarian from the column in which the capitalist was hiding, but sat down again in deep thought. Putting his chin on his open palm, and turning on all his proletarian forces, he continued:

— Then take a closer look.” You can put your hand in my stomach area, under the brook and feel if there is something there, sing “we will boldly go into battle”…And if there is a proletarian void, you can say: a respite, we must wait a little, because it is arch important.

Lenin’s cheeks flushed, and he did not know what to do with his right hand, thrusting it now into his waistcoat, now unbuttoning his shirt.

Inessa, like a true revolutionary who approves of celibacy, approached the speaker and fixed her eyes on the spot where the legs grow.

— I can’t see anything, but let’s take our time. I just bought your book for 10 francs called” What to do?” Mud, of course, but what to do? Let’s connect. Or are you against it?. I am a hot and passionate woman. In addition, I have muscles there, like pieces of rubber on the wheels of a chaise. As I close my eyes to my forehead, despite the fact that I am a mother of five children.

— In the name of the world revolution, get naked. We need to make sure.

“Are you circumcised?”

— No. unfortunately..

— Then that’s good. But let’s not rush it. Collect all your notes and let’s go to my place, I live alone, I have great conditions. You’ve never had such a high before. Lower your pants, I need to see him.

Lenin obeyed. By this time, his friend was ready for a revolutionary battle.

— Beautiful! just be patient, why are you flinching like that? Well, if you can’t wait…

— Rather. In the name of the world revolution. This is very important.

Like any woman, Inessa decided to torment her future lover a little.

— I don’t think so, and he’s already hooked.” At my house – as much as you want. You need to take a shower, drink a glass of wine, take off your clothes, play around, cuddle, including mashing your handsome man, so that he begins to vomit. For her sake, this head with a hat, women go to all sorts of unpredictable torments. I have an abortion, I have a hard time giving birth, and I have a hard time raising children, especially those who don’t know who their father is.

Lenin, as a future genius, heard a lot of stories, theories and proofs, always objected, but what Inessa said, he heard for the first time, and could not object to anything. I couldn’t speak. As soon as the banana lifted, the tongue immediately went numb and did not obey. This beautiful woman said things that made him shiver all the time, and all the time he was going to throw her on the floor with his fist, and pull up her skirt so that he could see the blazing fire for himself. – Come on, strike the iron while it’s hot.


Inessa’s apartment was not very spacious, but very cozy, with a bath, a bidet, carpets on the floor, a wide bed and a shower. Inessa found herself in a thin short robe, buttoned up with one button, began to set the table, and the leader was immediately sent to the bathroom to wash, because he smelled very strongly of either revolution or horse sweat. She gave him a robe, and when he came out of the bathroom, she immediately grabbed a sausage.

“Oh, I’ll eat it so no one else gets it.” I’m a jealous bitch.

Lenin liked this word so much that he immediately began to wheeze:

— In the name of the world revolution.

— Sit down at the table, stud.

She hurried to the bathroom herself. Then they drank wine. Then Inessa began to drill the eyes of the hen, then slipped her hand under the robe and was indescribably delighted with the sausage, which reached the point of exhaustion.

— I can’t wait any longer, come on, let’s try our patience.” When you take power in Russia, you will give me a Palace for this patience.

“Oh, ten palaces. Half of Tverskaya street is yours. Prostitutes gather there, and my Politburo will be able to visit this street on Saturdays if they don’t give it my name.

By the bed, she took off his robe, and he didn’t look very well: crooked, stooped, this is from the seat, and the neck is wrinkled, this is from constant thoughts about the fate of humanity, and only the friend in all respects corresponded to Inessa’s ideas of manhood. He didn’t use it, poor boy. I didn’t make any women happy. It’s from the horse’s face. Her thoughts flew in and out of her head, but she couldn’t help it.

she decided that it was like death to delay, gathered all her strength together and pushed him in the chest, and he fell on his back and groaned.

— I’ll have a little fun, it’s an incredible high for a woman, then … let him stay in the sweet cave.” God gave us all this. This is higher than gold, money, power, if people know how to use it…

                                       * * *

Inessa is an unusual woman, she has an unusual fate. Tragic fate. We put this fate in a remote corner, Packed it in an iron box and locked it. And all this in order to show that this scoundrel, whose hands are covered with blood, is not an earthly man, but an angel, a Saint, outside of earthly existence, outside of human society. She, Inessa, was an angel compared to him, even though she had two husbands and five children. The executioner already had a depraved nature. He was the one who put her off, he was the one who killed her, and then he drooled and pretended to suffer. We’ll get back to Inessa.


Lenin did not immediately believe Parvus when He reported that the Scam in Berlin had succeeded. After all, before the arrival of Parvus, negotiations with the Germans were difficult and slow.

The highest ranks in Germany did not accept Lenin to listen to him and suspected him of being a simple scoundrel who, having received a large sum, would disappear in an unknown direction. And Parvus made them believe in an adventure and allocate a huge amount to pass through their territory to commit a coup in the country of the enemy. I had to turn on intelligence and contact America. The American Jewish lobby was already powerful and welcomed the prospect of Russia’s ruin with enthusiasm. This played a crucial role in approving the German plan to completely eliminate this state. And then the February revolution broke out.

As soon as Lenin found out that the country’s leadership was actually allocating money for the coup in Russia from their superiors, where he was paid as a spy, something incredible happened to him: he lost peace and sleep. At night, his brain gave out numerous options for moving to Russia, if the Germans refused to let him and his co-religionists in the number of 32 people through their territory. One night, at about three o’clock in the morning, he had the idea to cross to Russia by airplane.

— Yes, Yes, that is the method to use. Is there enough money in the party ticket office to rent an airplane and pay the pilot? Um, hell, maybe we need a million, but we don’t have more than five hundred thousand. Nadia should know. Nadia, where are you, my dear? Hmmm, you’re sleeping, damn you. No city will bear your name. Fishberg won’t be in Russia, won’t be on the map, that’s all.

Lenin jumped out of bed, dragging the blanket to the floor with him, and rushed to the back room where Mrs. Fishberg usually slept. She was lying on her left side, snoring mercilessly. Saliva oozed from his mouth onto the pillow, forming an elongated spot ten centimeters long.

In the name of the world revolution, get up, krga old, began to shake it. But Nadia, raising her head and rolling her eyes, immediately turned over on the other side, and began snoring even harder.

Cow, neither to milk, nor to water, but to judge… a revolutionary court, it should be, said the future leader, and went to Inessa.

Inessa was also sleeping on her side, her hands clasped together between her knees, and she was snoring faintly. Ilyich sat down and began to stroke her rosy cheek with his hand. She reacted, opened her eyes, smiled sleepily, and grabbed his arm she pulled on her hand. The lover was obstinate, the thought of the strawberry was too far away, and he said as softly and tenderly as he could:

We need an airplane...for the flight to Russia, they are waiting for us there. History awaits us. Do you know where to get that damn airplane? And … and, do you have any money? help me out, huh? As soon as the Bolsheviks take power led by Lenin, that is, with me, I will return you two hundred percent.

How much do you need? Inessa smiled. And what nonsense about an airplane, you don’t have a passport.

Passport? Do I need a passport? No way without it? And I don’t know the language, Hm, damn it. Where were you before, why didn’t you tell me? What are you here for, let me ask you? However, for now, go to sleep. I can’t sleep, what night? Maybe on foot, maybe on horseback…

Inessa listened, her sleep was already disturbed, she began to think that Volodya was probably not all right with his head, but the thought that he was a great man, and a great man is famous for quirks, calmed her and she turned on her side.

In the morning, a newspaper was brought in which the leader read that the Russian Tsar had abdicated. Russia seemed to be swaying towards the abyss, towards the beginning of the world revolution, and Lenin could not find a place for himself… from the proletarian joy. “Russia is just the beginning,” he thought, getting excited, “and then Poland, then Germany, then France, and I am the Secretary General of Europe. And...and I don’t need anything else. Even Inessa, we need to dump her somewhere. And there America is a continent. Oh, it’s all started and then it’s over. Life is so short. I will overthrow God, but how to prolong my life is the question. And this is very important.”

Suddenly he jumped up, as if an awl had been stuck in the place where he was sitting, and shouted:

Urgent Presidium of the Cheka! Comrade Nadia!

“So the Cheka or the Central Committee?” Nadia Asked.

“What difference does it make?” The Cheka and the Central Committee are one and the same. Only the Cheka looks after the Central Committee, and the Central Committee too often turns up its nose. And you alert all revolutionaries, let them quit their dirty, that is, great things, let them get up their Asses if they are still in bed, in short, wherever they are, let them come to my headquarters, the headquarters of the world revolution.

— What is the world revolution to you? This is the lair and that small gathering of terrorists.

Volodya was so worried that he could not hear anyone, and the letter “R” and some others were missing from his speech apparatus, which was clearly not Marxist, but hostile, capitalist.

— And...and evolution, pollution, and some...first, the Word blow with Tom MA… rksa under the arm.


After a cool shower, wrapped in a warm long robe of red, the color of blood and revolution, he went out to his colleagues.

— Comrades, the February revolution took place in Russia …evolution, we urgently need to go to ...Russia. That’s enough. We should be there. Isto...and now the moment has come. We have to SWE...bending p...AV-Ke...anskogo and to seize power with the help o...ugia. I think that the power is lying on the streets, its p… OSTO need to pick… up. Only to GE...mania us p … lowered che… ez its te...ito… iyu and provided money. What do you say, tovah … search?

“We need money, a lot of money,” said the Warsaw bandit Felix Dzerzhinsky, “a lot of money, Vladimir Ilyich. It is necessary to buy weapons, to train at least a few thousand fighters, selecting them from the proletarian mass, to increase the number of Newspapers, to prepare gallows all over St. Petersburg, and perhaps all over the country for the landlords and capitalists, and all this requires money and not a small one.

“We must organize concentration camps all over the country,” said Lenin, “but that is after we have the power in our hands. I foresee resistance from the bourgeois elements. They must all be cut out, and only the proletariat will remain. Comrade ganetsky, how much money is in the party cash register?

“Five million marks,” ganetsky reported.

“Not enough! Lenin exclaimed. – Comrade ganetsky, why is there so little money in the party cash register? Where Is Parvus? How are the negotiations with the Germans going? What do you say to that, comrade ganetsky? Where’s Koba? how are the Tiflis banks? We need to clean them up again or Rob them… repeatedly. We revolutionaries plunder the loot.

— Vladimir Ilyich, we have only our own, only Jews, not a single Russian, and here Georgians are climbing into our ranks. How so?

⌐ And so. We do not attract Russians to our ranks. Russians are fools. And the Georgian Koba…, he proved that he can be useful to our revolution. Parvus… he’s a decent bastard, but we need him. Go to him, ganetsky. We must ask the Germans. Let Parvus say what Lenin asks. We should start with intelligence. There’s a Colonel there… I can’t give his last name. Parvus knows. And let the car stand out… armored, bulletproof, sealed. This is very important.

Ganetsky (Fustenberg) was taken aback, but immediately came to his senses. He realized that of all the chief’s verbal gibberish, Parvus’s activities were the most important. Only he can get twenty million if he tries.

— Vladimir Ilyich, I suggest focusing on the activities of our chief strategist Alexander Lazarevich Gelfand or Parvus. A lot depends on it. You can even say: from him the fate of the revolution or the Bolshevik revolution depends.

“Why, comrade ganetsky?” I can make an agreement with France, I’ll go to Capri in Italy, and I’ll make an agreement there.”

“No, Mr. Blank,” ganetsky said, and then stopped. “I beg your pardon, comrade Lenin. Only Germany can allocate twenty million marks for the Russian revolution. Only Germany can provide us with an armored car, in which all of us will pass through its territory unhindered and find ourselves in Russia, without a single scratch, as they say. Negotiations, according to my information, are already underway, they are at the stage of…, at the middle stage… The Germans demand a separate peace and large Russian territories for a separate peace as compensation.

— Tell Parvus to publish in his Newspapers that we Bolsheviks are against a separate peace, and when he comes to an agreement with the Germans, let Him promise that we will actually sign a separate peace and make concessions, even territorial concessions. After coming to power in Russia, of course. Yes, I will give half of Russia, if only mi … ovaya… evolution won.

— But how to give the territory to the Germans, because Russia is our country, what will our descendants say about us? – whispered the Sergeant.

— I don’t care about Russia or Russian fools. We need to change the world. After the conquest of Russia, we will move to Poland, Germany, France, and then we will reach America. The working masses will support us, there is no doubt about it, and there can be no doubt. I started working on the book “the State and the revolution”, where I will set out my thoughts on how to rule a huge country, a country of fools. This will be my most outstanding work. Bear with me, comrades: the beginning is here, and the end is in Russia. Everyone, comrades, get to work. And you, comrade ganetsky, will be delayed.

All the great revolutionaries went to pack their bags, and ganetsky, as soon as they were alone with the leader, reported with joy, as he always did:

— In our party cash register not five, but eight million, Vladimir Ilyich. Parvus, that great strategist, recently sent three million. I think you underestimate him. Well, what is Dzerzhinsky compared to Parvus? Dzerzhinsky can only shoot, he is a terrorist, and Parvus is an inexhaustible money bag. This is the money bag of the revolution. The masses of the people with bayonets in their hands, and these bayonets should not only be nationalized, but also purchased while we are not yet in power, the masses still need food, shelter, and so on. They are not strangers to strawberries, Vladimir Ilyich, you know. If we provide the revolutionaries with all the things that I have just listed, they will fight well with the world bourgeoisie.

— Well, you have convinced me, ganetsky, the future Minister of Finance.

— Yes, I do not need the portfolio of Finance Minister, Vladimir Ilyich, I just need the position of cashier, your cashier, Vladimir Ilyich. As long as I’m around you, you won’t have to worry about where to get the money and I hope I won’t be offended, will I?

“Don’t talk, ganetsky. Go to Parvus immediately and do not return without implementing our ideas. Remember: the moment has come and this moment cannot be missed. The Nations will not forgive us for this. Procrastination is like death.

Ganetsky scratched his beard, then jumped up as if a chair had caught fire under him, and jumped out, leaving a wide-brimmed hat that slightly concealed his paces. Ilyich burst out laughing, took the wide-brimmed hat and threw it in the trash.

Parvus was not idle. He put forward another interesting argument before the German leadership: the Bolsheviks, headed by Lenin agree to divide Russia into small separate principalities, that is, the Republic and then this country will never pose a danger to Germany. This argument was accepted not only by the General staff, but also by Kaiser Wilhelm II himself.


And Lenin was granted a loan of one hundred million gold marks, paid in two stages for the great mission of dismembering Russia, demoralizing its population, and destroying industry and agriculture. Russia must not pose any danger to Germany for centuries, either militarily or economically. Fifty million marks received in advance is a huge amount, it was sent to the Bolsheviks before the coup, and after the coup through ganetsky and his sister Sumenson, who were located near the Russian border.

Lenin was given twenty-four thousand rubles and an armored car for the road. There were about thirty other Jews in this car. They were extremely happy and smiling. Lenin and Inessa Armand occupied a separate compartment.

In the meantime, preparations were underway for departure and only at 15 hours on March 27, 1917, thirty-two young men of Jewish nationality, led by Lenin, went to the railway station in the Swiss city of Zurich.

Lenin categorically forbade buying tickets with German stamps, believing that they would get into a regular car and could be arrested on German territory, like the Russians, but Parvus assured them that they did not need any tickets. However, there was a small demonstration, there were shouts of traitors, German spies.

“Hurry, hurry, comrade Parvus: time is money, the revolution can’t wait, the revolution is waiting for us, the proletariat is calling, I can hear their voices.

“You are under Parvus’s care,” said Parvus. – I hope you won’t forget me.”

— What position would you like to take, comrade Parvus?” Lenin asked, looking his Saviour in the eye. “Secretary?” And where will I put Dzhugashvili, who robbed banks in Tiflis for the sake of the revolution, the world revolution?

“I would be satisfied with the position of Manager of Russian banks,” said Parvus.

“A special banking Ministry will be formed, and you will receive the portfolio of a Minister in the revolutionary government, comrade Parvus,” said Lenin.

All the passengers were pleasantly surprised when they were taken into a special armored car with narrow oblong Windows, where they were not threatened by anyone or anything. No checks, no outsiders. Lenin, Parvus and Apfelbaum sipped beer and gorged themselves on all sorts of delicious dishes, despite the fact that ordinary Germans were experiencing difficulties in basic food. All the passengers were happy and happy, with the exception of Inessa Armand, since Lenin did not put her next to him – Nadia, the legal wife of Ilyich, took her place this time.

Suddenly Lenin tapped his bald head and said loudly:

— Conspiracy! Conspiracy! Nadia, where’s the ladies ‘dress, I have to change into a ladies’ dress. And I need a wig to cover my bald head – where the hell is all this?

Nadia was preparing something, everything seemed to be ready for the time of departure, but she did not think that so quickly, that now, this minute, such a secret costume might be needed, and she blinked her eyes.

“Why change your clothes, comrade Lenin?” everyone here is their own. That’s when we cross the German border.

“Are we going to Stockholm?” Comrade Parvus, we are going to Stockholm, have we been deceived? Nadia go get a lady’s dress, I want to be a lady.

“Soon,” said Parvus. “Okay, we can change. Only Vladimir Ilyich, how should I put it… you should look more like an old woman. Here’s Nadia. Let me take care of you, you have to look something.

“I don’t have to look like a bourgeois. And we have to get 60 thousand crowns from him ...the world revolution, ha … ha … ha … ha!

At ten o’clock in the morning on March 31, ganetsky meets the emigrants at the station in Stockholm. He looks at everyone with fear that they are not the right people and only when an old woman with narrowed eyes raised her hand and said: long live the world revolution, he was happy and rushed to hug Lenin.

“Money for the barrel,” Lenin demanded. – We need to fill up, get a beer, buy women’s clothing, and all sorts of sweets, because there is nothing in this wild country. The counters are empty, and only Marxist literature is being sold.

— Vladimir Ilyich! here’s the bag, there’s more…

“Did my mother send it?” she owes for the past three months, you reminded her of this, you wrote that her son, the leader of the world revolution, is in need, starving, and even forced to wear women’s clothing? Did you write to her about it?

“Why write?” we have millions in our accounts. The Germans are a generous people. Let your mother rest a little, take pity on her.

— Um, she might like that.” What if the Germans refuse? What to do then. All right, give me the bag. Apfelbaum, where are you? Come on, let’s go shopping. Go ahead, I’ll hold your hand, and pull over to the shoulder. I am a revolutionary old woman. This is very important.

Ganetsky pulled Lenin aside and began to whisper in his ear:

“Parvus is going to Russia with us. You must be in a bad mood today. It’s Parvus, and not some kind of Koba. Fifty million is due to Parvus. Parvus is you, and you are Parvus. Without it, we would not have received money to publish Pravda and other Newspapers, as well as to pay for the shooters. Who will shoot – the one hundred and forty gold rubles, who will shout “hurrah” – the eighty rubles, who will take the red flag in his hands… How to take Winter, Vladimir Ilyich?

“Let us take it, and the cause of the Revolution must not be tainted by dirty hands, comrade ganetsky,” the leader barked rudely, spitting. “The revolution must not remember Parvus, it must erase him from the memory of the people. Let’s go to the store, I need to buy a pair of pants, my pants are leaking in the motney area. It was Inessa’s fault. No, it’s the imperialists ' fault. Ganetsky, are you trembling? Come to your senses, damn you, what kind of revolutionary are you? Or you’ll go to Parvus. What else do you have?”

— Vladimir Ilyich, one good piece of advice, if I may.

— Loll.

— Since we will soon be in Russia, and the great, necessary, smart Parvus will remain here, you can not appear before the border guards in the present form: you will be recognized immediately and may be arrested.

— How many passports do you have for other names? the chief asked.

— It’s not about the passports. I have twenty passports in stock. And five for you, Vladimir Ilyich. You can read Cocococo, and suddenly you find out? So I suggest that you go in this dress, to look like an old woman in a hunched form with a passport in the name of Peskodayki, to appear before the Russians border guard. And before the Swedish ones, too. I need a wig with long white hair, a change of women’s shoes, and it would be nice to knock out one or two teeth and claim that you are my servant.

— What about my beard?” Lenin asked.

— You’ll have to shave it off, put a thick layer of cream on your face, and put lines on your neck and cheeks. All this must be done in the name of the world revolution. The revolution cannot remain without a leader.

Lenin paused, then went into the forecastle and said:

“Comrades, Ganetsky and I are going to a safe house.

“We can’t let you go alone,” Radek yelled.

“You can send comrade Zinoviev or Dzerzhinsky as a guard.

— Dzerzhinsky, Dzerzhinsky, – everyone supported.

“And I want to,” Inessa Armand burst into tears.

Three Jews went to a beauty salon and presented their revolutionary ideas about the appearance of the leader, but the masseurs and hairdressers just shrugged: they say that we have a beauty salon and we can not make a decent person ugly.

“And this is the freak,” ganetsky said, pointing at Lenin and taking out a wad of money. – Make him a real freak, but so that all Russia applauds him.

No sooner said than done. Lenin returned to the forecastle and no one recognized him.

— Have you replaced the leader of the world revolution with an old woman?” We’ll hang you right there. It’s a real Scarecrow. He also has a limp on one leg. And it stinks like hell!

— Tovah … look for it, the job is done great. None of the king’s satraps did not know. Long live the socialist party …evolution!

Friends jumped up from their seats and began to jump, and Sokolnikov, who had not declassified his Jewish name, loosened the belt on his trousers and began to molest the revolutionary Lilina. The revolutionary woman grabbed him by a twig and dragged him into the vestibule. Inessa also approached Lenin, but was stopped.

— Yes, this is same-sex love, this is lesbianism, you can not allow such marital relations, – comrade Nadia could not stand it.

“Comrade Nadia, don’t worry. Before the overthrow of tsarism, the proletarian masses… in short, let them unite. Come On, Inessa. We have a separate room.

The chief and his girlfriend were accompanied by friends with thunderous applause.


Lenin, along with a group of associates in the number of 32 people who were hiding like mice in burrows, occupied the car in Stockholm and through Finland, late in the evening, on April 3, arrived in Petrograd. Everyone was trembling like an aspen leaf in bad weather, and above all the leader himself for the fate of the country where they were going to seize power. No country, neither Germany nor the United States, guaranteed complete victory and security. The leader was a spicy look. Long before arriving in the capital of Russia, he did not take off women’s clothing. Inessa laughed at him, as if he were not in a separate compartment of an armored car, but on a battlefield with a superior enemy force. And Lenin perceived this laughter as an evil fate, but puffed up, but would show his colleagues his heroism.

“A kerchief on your forehead, it’s like a bull’s, ha-ha-ha!” cover him up, then take everything off. You are well guarded.

“Where’s the guard, where’s the guard, Kaiser?” Oh, well done, I’ll give him ten marks when the revolution wins in Russia, this stupid country.

“The Kaiser has long since forgotten you. I have a machine gun in the corner ready, covered with my sock.

“Do you think those greedy people will throw me off a train somewhere in the desert, Inessa?” I don’t believe any of them. To nobody.

— Not experience. They are nothing without you. They have no education, no profession, nothing, even watchmen and midwives will not take everyone. So you shouldn’t have put that on.

“But it’s a conspiracy, a conspiracy. The chief has no right to take such risks. You, Inessa, look closely to see if someone is twirling a finger at his temple? In this case, they may decide: why do we need such a brilliant leader? Everything is fine with Lenin: two bags of money in the corner, the agreement with Germany, even on one page, in an inner pocket. Only at my command, only at my request, will the Germans send their soldiers disguised in proletarian leather jackets, or even in the officer’s uniform of the Russian army, to organize a coup in Petrograd. And yet, and yet, better a conspiracy. Even if I remain completely naked, and I am carried wrapped in a sheet from place to place, I will still remain a leader. All the cards of the future revolution are in my hands, like a mouse in a Vice.

This time Inessa shuddered and nodded her head to indicate that she agreed and asked no more questions. She was afraid not only to ask the next question, but also to hear the answer to it, because the answer always made her shiver, as if her lover, when answering, was playing with a small toy filled with explosives, and from which a bird could fly out and break the bones of all revolutionaries, including the leader of the world revolution.

It is better to do something else, for example, to expand the outstanding work of the leader called” What to do?” and pretend to be reading.

As soon as the train stopped at Finlandsky station, two burly Latvians entered the car, took the leader in their arms in female attire, like a rooster with clipped wings, and carried him out of the car and put on their feet at the Finland station. Lenin grunted something and looked around.

But instead, he was simply kidnapped and almost forcibly escorted to the “Tsar’s” room, where he was officially greeted by the Chairman of the Petrograd Soviet, N. S. Chkheidze, and the Minister of labor, M. T. Skobelev, both Mensheviks. Lenin’s eyes bulged and he turned away, looking at the ceiling as if nothing that was happening concerned him in the least. He didn’t want to engage in conversation with anyone.

I need an armored car, he demanded. – I must make a historic speech for the proletariat of Russia and the whole world.

“Please,” Chkheidze, the Chairman of the Petrograd Soviet, said in a disappointed voice.

The two Latvians picked him up again, and while they were building a rostrum out of rotten planks, he mumbled under his breath, then ran around the corner, doused him with a stream, and fired three more cannonades.

The bleachers, as such, did not work, he was asked to stand on slightly rotten boards, in many places propped up with pegs driven into the ground with sledgehammers. On these boards were two empty barrels upside down. Two more planks were placed on the barrels to form a raised platform called the tribune.

But the little man had to be lifted. Standing again on the boards, and putting the summary again on the boards, perched on barrels, stretched out his hand to the sky and began to deliver his first chaotic speech in Russia.

— Yes ZD… ha … socialist …evolution!!!

Cabs and strollers thought that some madcap woman was making the people laugh. No one could have imagined that there, on this very spot, a monument would be erected, that this monument would be transferred to all textbooks for schools and higher educational institutions, that an imaginary monument would be brought to mind by sculptors and artists and replicated in millions of copies. This sucked-out monument will generate entire departments of culture and historical innovations, thousands of guides will hatch out of it, and all the schoolchildren of the great country will start flocking to Leningrad to admire the monster on the square of lies.

The confused speech of a small, slightly hunched man with his hand raised will be interpreted as a call for a world revolution, which even Baty did not think about.

Lenin expressed gratitude to the workers, soldiers, and sailors for their “bold steps” that supposedly marked “the beginning of a social revolution on an international scale.” A ended his speech with an inflammatory slogan: “Yes zdg...it is a socialist accident …evolution!”.

Flexible Communist propaganda, which was always drawn into the fantastic wilds, spread the myth that, they say, the entire people of Petrograd were happy to return the leader of the world revolution to Russia, and perceived it as a great benefit for the future of all mankind.

And the leader, the benefactor and Savior of Russia, Lenin, immediately received millions of letters from workers from different corners. It rarely occurred to anyone that this was as true as a louse coughing.

The very next day, Lenin launched a flurry of activity in the capital, everywhere he spoke with the “April theses”, which no one accepts or supports. At this hour, the Bolsheviks had no authority in society.

It must be admitted that not all of his colleagues agreed with Lenin on many issues, and in particular on the April theses. They were not yet usurped by Lenin, they did not yet know their future leader.

There were articles in the press accusing the Bolshevik leader Lenin of spying for Germany and suggesting that an investigation be launched. How so, for what merits did Germany grant him and his gang an armored car and allow passage through its territory while at war with Russia?

Lenin was even confused, he began to suffer from cowardice, but this time he decided not to give up, not to tell the truth to anyone. And in General, according to his deep conviction, the truth is a bourgeois concept, and his party, the party of Lenin, rejects any postulate of the bourgeoisie. He spoke many times at all sorts of party cells, convincing them of his devotion to the cause of the revolution.


He wrote articles and called on the proletariat to overthrow the Provisional government. But they didn’t believe him, they left him. Then he decided on another trick. By persuasion and bribery, the benefit of German money in the party cash register was full. He managed to gather about four dozen people, and they agreed to hold the so-called St. Petersburg citywide party conference. Several people could not calm down, all raised their hands and asked:

— Mr. Ulyanov-Blank, what is this citywide conference of forty people, explain to us.

“Comrades, don’t worry. Five hundred thousand outside the door. They can’t fit in here. Therefore, I speak loudly so that everyone can hear and I urge you to do the same. So, capitalism is the enemy of the people, socialism and communism are the light of all humanity. Power must be taken from the capitalists and placed in the hands of the Soviets of workers ‘and soldiers’ deputies. The constituent Assembly should not be allowed, it is hostile to the socialist revolution. The end, comrades.

“Who’s dead?”

“The bourgeoisie, not us, of course. The conference is over. Yes ZD… hah …

— Yes budya lie…

In the press, which was published by the Communists with German money, this conference, as well as the speech of the leader on the “armored car” in women’s clothing, was praised to the skies.



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