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Catch, Little Fish! Love Ichthyology

Annotation

Before you go fishing, think: do you REALLY need this? You might catch a little ruffe that will prick your soul with its needles, or a roach that will drone on and on about how drinking is bad, or a pike-with-a-different-letter that will eat you alive. Do you REALLY need this? You probably hope to land a beluga or a baby sturgeon in your village pond without even lifting a finger?

To avoid going through life with an empty bucket, you first need to understand what kinds of “little fish” exist, where they live, what their habits are, and — most importantly — what they bite on. This book will help you figure it out. This book is also useful for the “little fish” themselves who dream of “catching” their man. One way or another, in life He catches Her, and She catches Him!

About the Author

He loves to write all sorts of things: stories, essays, poems, and other oddities — like this book, for example. Not being an avid fisherman himself, he nevertheless found much in common between charming “little fish” and their fishermen, and ordinary river dwellers, and decided to share his humble observations. If any comparisons or associations seem mistaken or even offensive to you, please let the author know at geolove2026@mail.ru for further study of the art of fishing.

The author expresses his gratitude to the avid fisherman Vladimir Olegovich Prokopenko, who agreed to share his experience of catching not only fish but also lovely “little fish,” and also to praise Ivan Ivanovich DeepSeekPin for providing information on modern ichthyology. Without these wonderful helpers, the fish soup I want to treat you to would probably be bland and not so rich.

Epigraph

A fisherman sees another fisherman from afar,

And the little fish see them too!

Foreword

With a worm or a bread ball from Chetyorochka (a discount bakery), you’ll only catch a “little fish” as hungry as yourself. To catch an attractive, well-groomed, and romantic one, your bait must be just as unique! A shiny lure can certainly make an initial impression, but when She realises there’s nothing behind that shine — the little fish will slip off the hook and dive back into the abyss of searching. The bait must be such that it continues to enchant your catch until you start to “fry” her.

But women’s lures, with which they try to lure men into their nets, are sometimes more inventive and cunning, and a man can often only recognise their scheme after he has been completely ringed!

If the success of catching a “little fish” often depends on the length of the fisherman’s rod, then when fishing “with live bait,” success depends more on the length of a woman’s legs and how she uses them. The longer the legs — the more she likes to live in grand style, which attracts catfish and carp gleaming with financial well-being, who, sitting in their villas and cottages, dream of seeing a long-legged minx who will gratify not only their eyes but also their scales.

1. Why Go Fishing

Ordinary fishing has long ceased to be a necessity for survival. Now it’s just a hobby, entertainment, and an excuse to have a drink outdoors with friends, where heartfelt conversations around a campfire to the sound of mosquitoes and the splash of fish remind us of those times when there were no concrete sarcophagi with European-style renovations and toilets with warm bidet functions, and food was cooked over hot coals, with smoke, not on the exhaust fumes of extinct animals! Yes, we have come a long way from the original model of man created by Mother Nature, and the environment is already becoming unfit for our life! But beyond sustenance, in ordinary modern life, “fishing” plays a great, even fundamental role!

If you need a girlfriend for an evening, for a vacation, or for life — the same rules apply as in fishing, including luck and skill, and the result of this “fishing” can matter for the rest of your life for the sake of procreation! You can learn about what little fish inhabit the waters of our lives, what habits they have, and how to catch them from the chapters written below.

2. What Kinds of Fish, “Little Fish,” and “Fishermen” Exist

Fish, like girls, come in different kinds. Or rather, girls, like fish, come in different kinds. Conventionally, they can be classified into different species that differ in habitat, habits, body shapes, eyes, fins, and, of course, taste qualities.

Let us make a fanciful comparison of river and lake dwellers with the charming companions of our lives. Conventionally, they can be divided into groups:

“Hospitable” (crucian carp, roach): widely distributed in our rivers and villages, they snap up worms and bread right by the bank — just keep casting. For fishing, an ordinary stick with a line will do, or a romantic dinner at Vkusno i Tochka (a fast-food chain), after which you can confidently say: “Well, tasty? Then let’s get to the point!” Such little fish are very happy to be pulled out of the rut of grey life and given the attention they sometimes wait years for. If a fisherman suddenly spots his one and only among a large catch, he will gain a caring wife and a strong family for life, and may even stop thinking about “fishing,” trading it for heartfelt chats with friends in garages.

“Romantic” (ide, pike-perch): they like groundbait and silence; the tackle is simple (bottom rod/float), but no rushing. They play with the float for a long time, sometimes twitch as if they’re about to become yours, call once a month to ask how you’re doing, and then dive back into the depths of their dreams. You can’t fool them with cheap tricks! They need inspiration, and big, pure love, which they’ve read about in books and seen in movies since childhood. A man — a knight, salary doesn’t matter, the main thing is that he’s close in spirit, loves the same heroes as she does, writes books or poems, or paints, or sings, or simply earns money for travel, because she so wants to see the whole world she’s read so much about!

Romantic little fish, although they are predators because they too seek their “romantic” prey, unlike the hospitable ones, are of course far from real predators who literally chase prey, and no worms, insect larvae, small molluscs, or algae can replace live meat for them, which in our lives looks like luxury cars, fat wallets, and big bank balances. The prey of romantic little fish usually becomes the same kind of romantic “Tolkienists,” “Hopecores,“* or “Slow Daters.“* Their motto is “find your person by shared interests.”

*) Hopecore — a trend towards maximum sincerity, soulfulness, and vulnerability with a partner, without trying to appear as someone else.

*) Slow Dating — abandoning the conveyor belt of quick meetings in favour of deep study of one person; jointly choosing unusual locations and personalised activities (clay modelling workshops, cooking classes, picnics in unexpected places).

“Pike-Predator” — a woman who is a “shark” in miniature: sits in ambush (social media, expensive bars), lunges at shiny things (watches, cars) and grabs indiscriminately, but lets go if the prey is small. She’s a loner, but her spawning is stormy — she gives birth to one, two, or even three oligarchs and lives on alimony, and men, although they melt at her bearing, are afraid of her grip. Such women are often called a “pike,” replacing the first letter with a harder one (in English, the equivalent would be a bitch), though humanly speaking, one can understand them — “Why should I, so beautiful and slender, live in poverty!?”