Бесплатный фрагмент - Angelica’s self-identification

1.

If you dig into your nose, you can find a lot of interesting things. But if you dig into your own memory, you can find a lot more interesting. That’s what Angelica did when she was left alone at home. There was absolutely nothing to do, so her only occupation was the art of picking at her memory. She did it very easily and therefore even a little carelessly: she sat down on the sofa, turned on the TV… and then the most interesting thing happened, because everything that was shown on TV, even random, became a magnet for her, which pulled memories out of her. Her grandmother was the first to come to her memory, because they showed her a tigress. Then she switched the channel, and they showed her a teapot that was pouring boiling water into a cup with gusto and steam was coming. And she immediately remembered her ex. Yeah, she thought. «He remembers me and pisses with boiling water.» But then they showed a bread box, a simple bread box, and that’s where it all started.

***

This breadbox reminded her of the house from deep childhood, where they lived as a family. And the fact that the breadbox was opening reminded her of a dark basement in which she liked to sit alone. She was embarrassed to admit it, but she really loved the feeling of fear, that feeling when goosebumps run over her skin. But one day something really terrible happened in this basement. And now it no longer seemed to Angelica that memory had blocked these memories forever, because now it was enough for her to see the bread box for them to come to life again. On this thought, Angelica turned off the TV and went for a little walk to refresh her head.

***

Angelica had been living with Artyom for several years, and it seemed to him that he knew everything about her, but not this. When Angelika returned home, Artem had already come home from work. Artem worked as a taxi driver, so at the end of the working day he was very tired. They didn’t talk much in the evenings. That is why he did not pay attention to Angelica’s taciturnity. It looked like everything was exactly the same as before. But it wasn’t like that.

«I’m going away for a few days,» Angelica said, thereby stunning Artyom, who had no such plans.

— Where to? Artyom asked.

«I need to be alone for a few days,» she said. — I’ll be there soon.

This was an extremely atypical behavior of Angelica, because she always informed about her plans in advance. Therefore, the most unkind thoughts crept into Artyom’s head.

— What happened? Artyom asked.

«Nothing happened,» Angelica said. «I just need to go away for a few days.

«Listen, you know we can talk about anything,» Artyom told her.

«Yes,» Angelica agreed with him. — But not now, not this time. Okay?

«Okay,» Artyom nodded.

He tried to stay calm, but he was actually worried as hell. It seemed to him that she just wanted to merge, to leave him, but she just couldn’t say it directly. After all, surely something does not suit her. It seemed to him that if she left now, he would not see her again, so after a second of internal tossing, he stood near the door.

«You’re not leaving here until we talk,» Artyom told her, having opened the door for her with himself.

Angelica grinned. It was quite strange to see how he was afraid of losing her, because she used to think that she was more interested in this relationship than he was. «Step back,» Angelica said. — I’m not up to a showdown right now. «All right,» Artyom nodded. «But at least tell me what happened.» Maybe I did something wrong? But you know I get very tired after work. If you want, let’s get married,» he said hotly and waved his hand. — what? Angelica laughed, clearly not expecting such a turn of events.

Angelica did not want to get married and was not in awe of the wedding dress. And Artyom wasn’t going to get married, everything suited them. But for some reason, this is the first thing that came to his mind to stop her.

«No, no,» Angelica said. — You don’t need to get married. This stupid stamp in the passport has not yet saved anyone from disappointment and pain.

Artyom stamped his foot.

«I have a right to know,» he yelled. — I’m not going to languish in ignorance for half my life, not knowing the reason for your departure.

He moved away from the door and pressed his back against the wall.

Angelica lowered her eyes and stared at the floor for a long time. There was a pause, her thoughts were confused in her head. It was hard for her to say it, but she said it anyway:

«Then just step back,» she said. — And let me go. If it’s over, then it’s over,» she quickly added, and then she packed up her things and silently left the territory they had inhabited together for several years.

Artyom stared at the door through which she had gone for a long time. And Angelica, leaving, felt with each floor that lowered her lower and lower to the exit, as Artem looks at the door that slammed behind her. She felt that this was the end, but she could not change anything. Because sometimes it’s easier to break up than to explain why.

2.

It was dark, fears peeked out of all the cracks.

— Angie, Angie, where are you? Angelica heard her mother’s voice, but did not give voice.

She kept sitting in the dark basement because she liked it.

«Now, now, just a little more and I’ll go,» she said to herself.» It seemed to her that a terrible insect or big hands were about to climb out of the wall and grab her.

— Angie, Angie, where are you? She heard her mother’s voice again and ignored it again.

This lonely basement and this lonely Angie were as if made for each other. Nothing terrible happened. But just sitting in a place as scary and dark as she was was nice. If you turn on the light, there was nothing terrible in the basement at all: only books, old blankets, mostly junk. And soon she would have completely forgotten about this place, if one day the wall in the dark did not move and letters began to peek out from there, like the credits from a movie.

— Angie, come out already! Angelica heard her mother’s voice again and, frightened by the wall, ran towards him.

***

Since then, Angelica began to see letters everywhere. By the age of eight, she was already able to read quite well and the inscriptions that appeared told her about upcoming events. At first, this scared her a little, so she decided to ask her older brother, who by that time was already fifteen years old, if he saw something like this. Her brother’s name was Jan, and she asked him if it didn’t happen that he saw some letters or pop-up inscriptions.

Ian just laughed in response.

«I’m not crazy,» Jan told her, thinking that this was another joke of Angelica’s.»

Angelica has always been, in the opinion of most, an inventor. She was always coming up with something, so Ian didn’t even pay attention to it.

Of course, Angelica was a little scared, but over time she got used to it. Only she didn’t know how to use it. And only once, when they were sitting at the dinner table with the whole family, the mother, clasping her hands, said: «Yes, how much can you lose this spoon!». And suddenly an inscription appeared in front of Angelica: «She is under the refrigerator,» Angelica read the words and turned her head to the refrigerator.»

The spoon was small and silver, it was kept together with other spoons, but it was more valuable. It was usually used by my father, because he loved silverware. But for some reason she was always lost, like a needle in a haystack.

— Maybe it’s full of refrigerator? Angelica said suddenly.

«What’s she going to do there?» the mother replied.

Angelica looked down into the soup. The soup was with chicken and vermicelli. Angelica never liked to eat, she just looked at the soup with an anxious expectation that it would end soon, and stirred it with a spoon. Angelica had a tradition: in order not to be forced to eat, she mentally counted to a hundred, and then she was released from the table, as if she had eaten. This time she managed to count to thirty-six, because her mother exclaimed:

— Well, wow, she really is under the refrigerator! But what should she do there? I suppose you put it there yourself? She looked at Angelica.

Angelica was so confused that she told her mother:

«Yes, I did by accident,» because she didn’t know how to explain how she knew that.

***

Inscriptions now accompanied her everywhere. As soon as she asked a question in her mind, she immediately knew the answer to it, because letters appeared and they could be read. It cannot be said that this somehow increased her quality of life, because everything remained the same.

But it was interesting, at least — funny. It was funny until a gang of robbers showed up in the city, and people’s things began to disappear. Surprisingly, Angelica always knew where they had gone and where to look for them. Therefore, soon many people learned about the supernatural abilities of the girl, and this wildly complicated the life of the family. Therefore, at one point Angelica pretended that she could not see anything else, it was easier that way. And as soon as she pretended, the inscriptions stopped popping up, she lost this ability. Many felt that this was just a fiction and a ridiculous coincidence.

«What if everything is returned back? Angelica was thinking now. — What if we return this magical ability to see and read?». Now, when she was already in her late twenties, she had a completely different attitude to these abilities. They could hardly upset her life. So I had to go back there and repeat my experience anew.

«Maybe I’ll see something this time too. Maybe we should sit in the basement longer?».

Everyone has long forgotten about that case, twenty years have passed since childhood. But she remembered it as she did now: those letters, those words. «How nice it would be to have it back again,» she thought. — Now I’ll figure out what’s what, — with this thought, she bought a train ticket to return to where even the most ridiculous question made sense, because it was answered.»

***

Angelica has not understood for a long time what she wants to do in life. Previously, she worked as a PR manager in one of the large companies that was engaged in the production of household appliances. But lately, things at work were going so badly that she left work. And at home, she did nothing but stare at the TV and pretend that she was looking for a new job. But nothing suited her.

And only now, standing with a printed electronic ticket in her hand, she understood what she wanted from life. She wants to go back there to regain her abilities, which she so easily gave up twenty years ago. But will they forgive her these opportunities, will they want to come back to her again? It was a difficult question that she didn’t know the answer to. But the feeling that it was there, in the basement, that her real life remained, did not give her peace.

3.

Angelica rode in a reserved carriage, she liked to look out the window. The landscape was floating outside the window. Moscow was left behind. Mentally, she was saying goodbye to everything that was dear to her here. But she didn’t even know what kind of surprise fate was preparing for her, because suddenly a man got hooked on her. She didn’t even turn her head in his direction, when suddenly he said:

— Well, I finally found you.

And then, turning to a familiar voice, Angelica saw Artem.

— What are you doing here? — she asked a little scared.

— What am I doing here? Guess three times. I’m coming with you.

Deep down, Angelica was very glad that Artem followed her. But her soul was scratching cats, she did not know how to explain to him the purpose of the trip. But as it turned out, nothing needs to be explained, because as soon as he sat down next to her, he hugged her tightly and said:

— Listen, I understand that you are very tired and you need a rest. I took a vacation at my own expense. I think my company won’t hurt you, well, at least for protection,» he said, burying his face in her shoulder, which smelled of fresh deodorant.

Angelica laughed. Of course, she knew that she and Artyom met for a reason and lived together for several years for a reason. But to give up everything in order to be with her during this period — she did not expect this, but it was very pleasant for her. There was even some sense of guilt in front of him for not being able to tell the truth. After all, how can you explain to a person that she is going to a distant city to try to regain her abilities. She wasn’t ready for such frankness.

***

Very quickly they reached the city and settled in a hotel.

«Damn it, it’s a pity you don’t have any friends here,» Artyom said.

— Sorry? Angelica was surprised. — It’s a good thing they’re not there. But you have no idea how much I would like to live in a private house, in nature.

Artyom nodded.

The house where Angelica lived as a child was sold a long time ago. And her parents have been living in the Moscow region for ten years. But Angelica really wanted to look at it, the house was private and located almost in the forest. It was necessary to get to the end of the city by bus, and then walk about forty minutes to get to it. So Angelica did it together with Artem.