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Оглавление - A girl who will never be loved
- foreword
- chapter 1. poison
- «i want to tell you what’s been on my mind…»
- «you trust me enough to show your scarlet wounds…»
- «i am already far from things that tantalised me…»
- «blood beads on the tip of a dagger, drops of rubies and garnet…»
- «why does it hurt so much…»
- «now she is so close to you, the way i can’t be…»
- «what would it be like if some words just remained unsaid?..»
- «it’s easy to feed off somebody’s success…»
- «no matter how hard i try, whatever i say or do…»
- THE SECRET HISTORY I
- THE SECRET HISTORY II
- THE SECRET HISTORY III
- «i’m tired of aching and dreading for you, saying a prayer every day…»
- «i don’t wanna know if you’re joking, i don’t care…»
- «send me to hell — i’ll come crawling…»
- «you’ve always been like that, right?..»
- «remorse always appears out of the blue…»
- «i miss the time when i was so naive…»
- «i’m not like you, nor will i ever be…»
- «i pick something out to watch, you say you hate this show…»
- «i’m sorry, it went down right after i showed up…»
- «i am my own number one priority…»
- «i want the first place…»
- «i didn’t ask you to go there and die for me…»
- «i’m pushing luck, pulling strings…»
- «how can you give up on a painting…»
- «i am not overreacting and not a word leaves my mouth…»
- «the tension’s raw, the sky is dismal…»
- «you said i annoy you, i asked if i did the right thing…»
- «i hope he looks in the mirror and sees the face…»
- «every beginning…»
- chapter 2. longing
- «it always smelled of chestnuts when you came back in town…»
- «i like people with sparks in their eyes…»
- «my living consists of counting…»
- «i pray it will all make sense, make sense just a little…»
- «sometimes i wonder…»
- «if it’s a coincidence, sue me, i’m long gone…»
- «meeting someone is like watching a movie…»
- «i’m writing a shopping list…»
- «how can something so vital be what i have to forget?..»
- «you were squeezing my hand in the darkened cinema…»
- «i’ve loved you more than anyone, anything…»
- «you’re like a candent walleye of the sky…»
- «the turbulent border of seasons, the air full of liquid gold…»
- «your colours are mesmerising, crimson and subtle lilac…»
- «dew pearls, ripening under the sleepy vines…»
- «i wanna trace your body with my tongue…»
- «sad enough, i’m not the main character type…»
- «maybe i was nobody in your life…»
- «i want to steal your mind, want to think things you think…»
- «i want to slow myself down, to be closer to earth…»
- «my baby…»
- «i mouth the lyrics to the distant sky…»
- «tomorrow is a new day dawning…»
- «you are the face that blooms is my memory…»
- «i know you are out there somewhere. somewhere so far i can’t see…»
- «the sun is so bright it melts my skin down to the flesh…»
- «you’re a long vowel sound that trembles…»
- «you almost called me pretty, and i almost went insane…»
- «nothing will ever be the same…»
- «perhaps all the best days are yet ahead of us…»
- «you’re so pretty. pretty like the old master’s paintings. pretty like pistachio nuts and the colour green. pretty like sleep. with your little fingers slipping off your knee when you’re thinking. with your indestructible will to live…»
- «i should’ve written about it more…»
- VARIATIONS 1
- VARIATIONS 2
- VARIATIONS 3
- VARIATIONS 4
- «we’re alone. far from the whole wide world. the place where the light ends…»
- «i try to tell myself that it’s okay…»
- «april is in full swing, and the afternoons feel like june…»
- «i was so quick to believe in fate, really…»
- «why does this world have to be neatly woven…»
- «it smells like may, like sitting in my apartment…»
- «please, lord, let those lights be a time machine…»
- «i wish i earned my living doing things you need…»
- «when you lay awake in bed, you hear my battle cries…»
- «it’s delicate to touch, early may sunshine…»
- «who’s gonna kiss you in a crowd of strangers?..»
- SIDE POEM
- «every morning, when i wake up, i feel your hands on my hips…»
- «i look at the world around through the eyes of a dead soul…»
- «feels like a kiss of god …»
- «we’ll never be younger than we were a second ago…»
- «green tea’s almost not painful as it’s pouring…»
- «i miss the time i used to think…»
- «it’s hard for me to think that you and i…»
- «stuck in a long shot — the sun is shining…»
- «lanterns on lampposts, solitary and rare…»
- «your face is with me when i’m falling asleep…»
- «i knocked on the door three times…»
- «why did i think it was going to last forever?..»
- «i heard that once you had a different girl beside you…»
- «there was something there, i felt it in my solar plexus…»
- «i guess i grew up but now there’s a hole in my chest…»
- chapter 3. rebel
- «they say that you don’t have to understand it yet…»
- «the air clear like arctic water, a glossy print of the night…»
- «there are some things i want to tell my mom…»
- «i’m thinking of all opportunities…»
- «i never even thought it would be so hard…»
- «right now somewhere across the ocean…»
- «how many shots do you need to kiss me?..»
- «where does it go? when does it end?..»
- «i’m free and confused…»
- «your music is a cure, a lure, a prophecy…»
- «i am an uneasy daughter…»
- «i’m stranded in merciless open space…»
- «at midnight it all seems worthless…»
- «i got the deep red in my hair…»
- ***
- chapter 4. a girl who will always be loved
- «for you i would gladly peel oranges …»
- «that night all the rivers stopped flowing…»
- «i held close to the face of the midday sun…»
- «we never wait, but sometimes late doesn’t mean missing…»
- «i stood in the mirror…»
- «this person i’ve become — who’s she?..»
- «i wish i could freeze the time…»
- «i’m gathering evidence — one of the nights…»
- «i live to make everything beautiful…»
- «“mr. tambourine man” starts playing…»
- «it came down so fast…»
- «i thought i would go for a master’s degree…»
- «i’m thankful to feeling connected…»
- «i want my flushed face in your hands…»
- «let me read your future…»
- «how did i live before you? seems like so long ago and…»
- epilogue. future
- «i felt something stir in me…»
- «i remembered it clearly in gut feelings and in flashbacks …»
- «i see you glowing…»
- «i wanna build a home with you…»
- acknowledgements