Бесплатный фрагмент - Cora Bloom’s Retribution

Prologue

I can’t remember how many times I’ve rehearsed this scene: walking up to his castle, then walking in, then walking towards him. I don’t remember, how many times I ran this scene through my brain, in the same brain that… However, more on that later.

I imagined myself approaching it so many times that the scene started to exist on its own, as if it was already living in the future. A hundred times I went up to him and said: «So we met»,» and then came retribution. In my imagination (thank you for leaving me at least this), everythingе was exactly like that. Now that I’m standing outside this castle, my senses are a little blunted. If someone had seen me from the outside, they probably wouldn’t have realized that I was burning with a desire for retribution, because I probably looked unperturbed. My desire for retribution was so compressed in me that I looked like an impenetrable rock, because I was an ordinary young woman, Cora Bloom, who was once treacherously robbed of the right to control her life…

The first chapter

I remember that day as if it were yesterday. On that first day in June, I finished work rather late, because I was performing with the band «Krofft». I was working as a backup singer, and our band was invited to perform at a small party in a closed club. I worked very hard that day, although I can hardly stand noisy parties in night clubs where there is a large crowd of drunk people.

Initially, I wanted to be a solo singer, but I also enjoyed working on backing vocals in the band «Krofft». Along the way, I worked on my new album as an author and performer, and also — as a receptionist, because I had to live on something. Of course, I was exhausted. But that day had exhausted me so much that I forgot to change and went straight home in my stage dress. It was long, floor-length, silver in color, with open shoulders and a large slit almost to the waist.

The only way I knew I hadn’t changed in the car was when a man passed by and looked at me with a strange grin. Honestly, I didn’t care. The only thing that bothered me was that I forgot to take off the large silver earrings that pulled my ears. I thought I’d drive to the traffic light and take them off.

This first day of summer was not hot, and by the evening it was even colderе. The city lights and the smooth motion of the car usually calmed me down, but that night I just wanted to go home so I could fall on my bed and go to sleep. I was too lazy to change my clothes, and in a way I was glad to be alone, because I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone at home. As I drove in the car, my new song, written to break up with my boyfriend Artem, whom I once considered the love of my life, was spinning in my head.

When I started writing this song, weе were still dating, and when we broke up, I decided that I would definitely finish it as a sign of our love, as a parting gift to him and myself too. I finished it in my head, and all I had to do was record it in the recording studio, so that I could consider it a fait accompli in my biography.

Artyom and I haven’t had much contact in recent months. We broke up, however, because of my creativity, or rather my busy schedule, where he was not the first number. He just didn’t like that I was never around. We argued on this ground, then looked for compromises. I tried to solve this problem, but there were only twenty-four hours in the day, and there was no room for Artyom there either dayеor night. I suffered, but when he left, I was relieved. I felt that he was offended with me. In a way, I wanted to earn his forgiveness with a new song.

The last thing I remember from that road, or rather — , that life of mine, is how I stopped at a traffic light, then took off my earrings. There was my big bright red bag on the seat next to me, and I reached for it to put my earrings in it. I thought I was distracted from the road for a second, and it was enough to divide my life into before and after. I didn’t remember anything else.

I was later told at the hospital that there were several ambulances and police cars. My car was soft-boiled because a black Jeep crashed into it at full speed. I didn’t remember the Jeep or the driver who was driving it. When I opened my eyes in the hospital bed, this melody was playing in my head, this new song that I wrote for my ex, but I didn’t know that along with this melody, I would say goodbye not only to the man I loved, but also to my entire past life.

At the hospital, I was told that I was miraculously alive, that in such a collision, no one survives. I was told that when the police arrived, looking at my car, squeezed into an accordion, the police asked: TheГде труп? corpseshould have been me. Somehow, miraculously, all the airbags in my car went off that day, so I was still alive. I was told that the driver of the black Jeep died on the spot from injuries.

At the hospital, I was constantly told that I was very lucky and that I should be glad that I was still alive. But I didn’t react to the words. If earlier I hadboth an incentive and motivation to live to the fullest, I had ambitions, but after the accident I realized that not only my body, but also my life had fallen into disrepair. I couldn’t feel my right arm, it was just dangling from the side. I didn’t understand how you could perform and play guitar, pick up music without your right hand. I didn’t want to be pitied on stage, it was too humiliating for me. It was the end, all my plans were ruined at the moment of collisionandI. In the hospital, I just lay there and stared at the ceiling, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t have the strength. My speech was slow — either because of the medication I was being given or because of a traumatic brain injury, and my head was bandaged.

No one visited me, there was simply no one to visit. I broke up with my boyfriendе, and I’ve never had a relationship with seven before. I didn’t want to think about being looked for at work, partly blaming them for what had happened, because I worked too hard for them. This frenzied work schedule was driving me crazy, even though I signed up for it myself.

Now I didn’t have a job, and I had nowhere to go back to, because my rented apartment wouldn’t have been empty for so long. The owner of the apartment was previously dissatisfied with the fact that music sounds in her apartment at night, which neighbors complained to her about. So I’m sure she was relieved that I didn’t come back, and now the apartment can be rented out to more disciplined people who won’t sing at night and play the guitar. In the hospital where I was lying, there were no mirrors, I didn’t have a phone, it was taken away. All the staff were dressed in greenish clothing, although I had previously thought that doctors went exclusively in white. From the hallway, I heard one of the nurses on the phone say that she wouldеbe coming home soon. That last word shot right through me, and it did what the Jeep that rammed my car didn’t. The word «home» just killed me mentally, because now I had nowhere to go back to. The only thing that saved, me was that when I tried to recall events from my past life, I realized that I didn’t remember much. At the time, I thought it was for the best.

Periodically, I thought I didn’t want to see people at all. So I didn’t even ask when I would be released from this hospital, or if I would be released at all. In case I was desperate — , there were bars on the windows. But this was an excessive measure, because I didn’t even have the strength to go to the window. I didn’t know what I looked like, I didn’t feel the time, and I was kind of glad that no one from my old life reminded me of themselves, as if they didn’t exist at all, so, I didn’t lose anything.

It was in this state that I met him. I remember the day I saw him. It was an ordinary, unremarkable day, blending in with the previous days spent in the hospital. If I had been told that I had spent a year in the hospital, I would have easily believed it, but in fact, at that time, I had spent almost two weeks there. I didn’t know what time of day it was, whether it was evening or morning, or what day of the week it was, I didn’t care, but he walked into the room — and it was as if everythingе had changed. I remember the strange look in his eyes.

«Good afternoon, Cora,» he said cheerfully. «I’m your new attending physician,» he said, walking over to me and placing what looked like a small laptop computer on the nightstand next to my bed. — My name is Arnold Thorne-Connor, and you can contact me if you have any questions. This is my clinic. Dr. Connor’s clinic.

I looked at him carefully, frozen in my thoughts.

«You’ll be fine,» he said, taking a chair. — I promise you.» I looked at your pictures, MRI of the brain, and believe me, youе will be fine, just need a small operation and subsequent rehabilitation.

I nodded politely and tried to smile, even though I couldn’t really feel the left side of my face.

Then he came back a few more times a day, and we talked to him. He gave me comforting speeches to prepare me for surgery. I had to pass all the necessary tests. The next day, one of the nurses came up to me and handed me a fountain pen, asked me to sign the documents, and then very sharply confused. I didn’t understand why at first, but I suddenly remembered that I couldn’t sign anything with my right hand when she held the fountain pen up to me. I had to sign it with my left hand.

— This is consent for surgery, I’ll leave it to you to read, and then you can talk to your doctor.»

I nodded, even though I wasn’t going to read it. I didn’t really care what I signed, what difference did it make? After all, even if the operation had ended very badly, there was still no one to mourn me.

***

On the day of the operation, I wasn’t worried at all. I even wished they would give me anesthesia as soon as possible and I would step away from reality. I didn’t see Arnold. I was given anesthesia. I was told that the operation would last about an hour, but this hourшpassed for me in one second, in which I did not fill out anything, as if I had closed and then opened my eyes. I felt a burning sensation in my temples and a strong dizziness. Arnold came to my room after the operation and took my hand, telling me that everythingе had gone perfectly, and now I needed to get some sleep to recover faster. When Arnold left, the nurse who was putting me on an IV said that I was very lucky that Arnold Thorne-Connor himself had performed the operation on me. She spoke of him breathlessly. However, I did not attach much importance to this information, because for me at that time it was much more important toе fall asleep as soon as possible, so that I could think as little as possible about who I am now and what awaits me next.

Rehabilitation was painful, I had a very difficult time leaving. And allthe time Arnold was with me, and he supported me, saying that everything would be all right soon. The only doubt he had was my right hand, which barely moved. I didn’t want to talk about my past life with anyone, not even myself. So when Arnold came in and asked me, if I was ready to look at myself in the mirror, I said yes. I didn’t understand why they were so careful to protect me from mirrors, because I really didn’t care. е I’ve already lost my arm, what does it matter what I look like if I can’t go on stage, which was everything to me.

When I agreed, Arnold came up to me and led the way.

«Come with me,» he said, and I could hear the confident firmness in his voice.

I didn’t resist. We were walking through the hospital corridors, or rather, we weren’t even walking, and he was leading me, not because it was hard to walk, butbecause что I was being led. It was like I wasn’t there, it was all a blur.

He led me into the great hall. He led me to the wall, where there was a huge floor-to-ceiling mirror. I saw myself all at once, it was unexpected. I looked down in surprise at my head, which was sprouting funny hair sticking out in all directions.

«It’s fun,» I said. «If the hand was moving, it would be completely normal,» I added with a grin.

I wasn’t really afraid of my reflection in the mirror, even though it was pathetic. It was obvious how much I had changed, because the last time I could remember myself in a stage dress-healthy and young. I would have burst into tears if I wanted to have feelings. But I didn’t want to. I just looked at myself as a different person. My face was thin and pale, it was very haggard, revealing facial wrinkles that I hadn’t noticed before, my thin hands were even thinner, but the scars were not visible. Only a light bandage on his head showed that there was an operation.

— So, are you ready to start a new life?“ — What is it? „he asked cheerfully.

And for some reason I answered:

«Yes, I’m ready.»

Хотя, на самом деле, It didn’t really matter, though.

The second chapter

Arnold took care of me as best he could when rehab was taking all my strength. Many specialists worked with me, but they hardly talked to me, did not ask me how I felt. I didn’t have any friends here, although I knew for a fact that there were other patients here besides me, sometimes I saw them from the window, which was covered with bars, again, for my safety. They explained to me that all the patients here are heavy, so they are divided into blocks and isolated from each other. The only person who talked to me was Arnold. At some point, I realized that I was waiting for him to come, because the isolation was clearly not good for me.

Now, that I look back on my condition, I can say that I acted as if under hypnosis. I find it strange to remember Arnold coming into my room and asking me what I was going to do next. He was referring to my future. I didn’t know what to say to him, so I justнlooked at him blankly. Then he said:

— Why don’t you move in with me?»

«To you?» I asked, not even realizing he’d already switched to «you».»

In fact, I would have agreed to anything in my current state.

«Okay,» I said, not even asking where he was suggesting I move to or what I would do there.

For me, once a freedom-loving woman, this behavior was uncharacteristic, but I did not think about it. For some reason, my head was empty, and if I had any thoughts, they were more about music, because more and more often the song I wanted to record was playing in my head. I, didn,’t know why, though, because no one else would hear her anyway,.

***

I didn’t sleep well at night, so I would periodically open my eyes and look at the time. And on my laptop, the time digits were flashingсь, these strange time digits. It was brought to me by a nurse, it had a schedule of my classes and computer games, there was no Internet access. Most often, I looked at the time on my laptop. With eachм glance at the laptop, time matured in numbers, and then everything was reset to zero and started again, running in circles. Days, weeks, and months. One night, on the fifth of August, when I looked at the time and saw 1:45, Arnold came to see me.

I was very surprised, because he never came toо see me at such a late hour.

«Come to the restaurant with me,» he said, as simply as if it were a normal thing to do.

«To a restaurant?» I asked, surprised.

«Yes,» he said.

«No, I’m not ready,» I said warily.

— This is a private restaurant, and no one will be there but you and me. It belongs to me and my friend Harry, and we’ve known each other since college.

When he talked about his student days, an incredible sense of nostalgia seized me, and I wanted to see the lights of Moscow. I wanted to find out how things were going in the wild again. So I agreed.

***

After I agreed, I realized that I had nothing to wear, literally nothing to wear. All I have is the dress I was wearing when I was in an accident, which I would never wear again in my life, and the rest — of it is hospital clothes. I с looked at Arnold in disbelief. He smiled, as if he knew what I was thinking.

— I have a surprise for you, «he said, taking my hand. — let’s go.

We went with him to his office, where there was nothing superfluous and, probably, personal. The office was very strict and functional, everything was literally laid out on the shelves, so it gave off a chill, as if youwere in an operating room.

With a flick of his hand, Arnold opened a closet built into the wall and pulled out a dress that hung in a transparent cover.

«You can wear it,» he said very delicately. «It’ll suit you.»

I looked carefully at the dress, it would really suit me: sky blue color, loose style, flowingandflowing silk. While I was looking at it, Arnold picked up the remote from his desk and used it to open another drawer. From there, he took out an emerald pair of shoes that were decorated with small blue crystals around the edge. I didn’t know much about brands and brands, but I could see that the shoes were expensive. Then he sat down at my feet and helped me put on my shoes. The shoes were really comfortable, and I barely felt them on my feet.

«They’ll go with this dress,» he said with a smile. — I asked the nurse to buy you something.

I smiled helplessly, feeling awkward, but I didn’t say anything, not even «thank you.»

I still didn’t have any hair on my head after the operation, so it was funny to go in this expensive dress and these shoes, but it was still better than staying here.

***

I kept my eyes on the road as I walked. The clinic was located outside the city, and we drove exactly half an hour before the lights of our hometown appeared, drowning in the August night. I felt bad that I would never get behind the wheel again, never learn, what it was like to drive a vehicle, but maybe it was for the best, considering the result it led to. Arnold and I were not alone in the car, and the driver was a silent, bald, middle-aged man who hadn’t spoken a word during the ride, and neither had Arnold and I. Arnold was sitting with me in the backseatье of a car that looked like a Rolls-Royce, but I didn’t know the exact make. We rode lightly, noiselessly, as if we were flying through the air. It was an amazing feeling, and I found myself thinking that I didn’t want this road to end.

Ina hurry, we got to the restaurant, I saw its nameande «Tamilla». Arnold and I got out of the car, and the driver stayed where he was.

The restaurant was cozy, with a nice,» quiet» interior in the style of restrained luxury with a touch of high-tech. I felt like I’d been here before, because there was a stage here. As we entered, the lights came on and soft music started playing. We sat down at a table, I was glad, that there were no people here and no one was looking at me. I rested my left hand on the table, and my right hand remained motionless hanging from my shoulder. I looked at it as one might look at a thing, and at that moment I felt sad.

«Do you want to order?» Arnold asked, snapping me out of my cocoon of emotions.

«Are there any waiters here?» I asked.

«Got it,» he said. «All you have to do is press this little button,» he said, pointing to a small red button built into the center of the gray desk.

«Great,» I said, smiling for decency’s sake.

My left hand went to the button on my desk, and I looked up at Arnold’s face and saw a thin smile. A minute later the waiter arrived, and it was… robot. It seemed to float out of another hall and silently approached me, small, about a meter and a half high. He stopped right next to me. Until the last moment, I hoped I was imagining it, until he said, «I don’t know.

— What will you order? he said in a metallic voice.

I shot a wary glance at Arnold, who grinned even more.

«You can askеfor anything you want,» Arnold said. «You can order anything you want. Можешь заказать все, что ты пожелаешь.

«Can I have some champagne?» I asked, because I was so hungry for a drink.

«As the attending physician, I allow it,» he smiled.

«Champagne,» I said to the robot.

«What kind of champagne would you like?» — What is it? «he asked in his metallic voice. «Шампанское Krug Clos d’uMesnilchampagne, шампанское Dom Perignonchampagne, шампанское Clos d’Ambonnaychampagne,» he began to list, and probably would have continued to list бы for a long time if I hadn’t made a choice.

«Шампанское Dom Perignon champagne,» I said.

— Anything else?» The robot waiter asked.

«And two more glasses of champagne,» Arnold added.

The robot waiter took the order and left. I watched him drive off to another gym in a funny way, and the thought crossed my mind that we might be friends. Probably, at that time, my loneliness had already reached such a limit that even a soulless robot began to seem to me like a person who was ready to lend a friendly shoulder or at least accept an order.

I looked at the stage, and then at the small fountain that stood near the stage as part of the interior, in which lilac water beautifully shimmered in streams. I had a steady sense of deja vu, as if I’d seen it before. I’ve seen a lot of restaurants when I’ve played concerts.

— Have I ever been here before?» I suddenly asked out loud.

«I don’t think so,» Arnold said. — This is a restaurant that my friend Harry and I opened quite recently, before we even had a presentation. But it will be here soon.

The champagne went to my head almost immediately, and Arnold and I clinked glasses to my speedy recovery. It was lousy to drink to, because my right hand wouldn’t work, and I thought it would never work again.

«You know,» I said, looking up into his sky-gray eyes, «I used to sing.»

He nodded. I was surprised at first, but then I realized that I must have been delirious or under anesthesia to tell him this. One of the nurses told me that when I was recovering from anesthesia, I sang. Singing — was something I was used to, almost like breathing, and I also really wanted to be heard. I didn’t know what my voice sounded like right now. And it was scary to hear it, suddenly I lost not only my right arm, but also my voice and hearing.

— Maybe you can sing it now, too.“ Arnold asked, gesturing toward the stage. „There,“ he pointed to the stage, „you can choose any musical accompaniment.

«No, thank you,» I said sharply. «Not today.

But in reality, in my mind’s eye — in my mind’s eye — I was going on stage, standing there in a beautiful dress that shimmered like night water, my right hand moving, I was holding the microphone with it and singing and singing. I think Arnold knew what I was thinking and what I was imagining when I looked at the stage, so he didn’t stop me from dreaming, and we sat in silence.

***

We didn’t get back to the clinic until early morning, and I went straight to bed. Images of what I’d seen floated through my mind. I thought that when I woke up, I would ask for my phone back, even though I didn’t know what to do with it. In fact, the phone — was a symbol of my lost life, there were photos from my previous life, contacts. I was afraid that nostalgia would crush me, I didn’t want to be tormented by questions from old acquaintances and former colleagues. After all, there must have been messages from colleagues and acquaintances. «How are you doing?», " When will you be back?», " What’s up?», " When will I see you?» I didn’t want to explain.

I sighed, and a sigh of regret rolled through my room, then slowly, slowly faded into thin air.

The third chapter

The first thing I remember when I saw his house, — was the bright, burning sun hitting me right in the eyes. August was almost at its end, and summer had been lavishing its sizzling heat on the last few days. I’m probably not used to the midday sun, I haven’t seen it for a long time, being so long in a closed room with bars on the windows.

My heart began to pound uneasily as we pulled up in front of his country house, which looked more like a medieval castle. It was overgrown with grass, as if it wasn’t well cared for, but I couldn’t tell for sure because it wasеsurrounded by a high fence. There were no houses near it, they were left in the distance, I saw them when we drove here.

I glanced at Arnold, because they say the place looks like its owner. Oddly enough, that was the first time I tried to assess his appearance, which I hadn’t been able to do before. Arnold was stocky, short, and balding, and I noticed that his hands were gripping the steering wheel very tightly, as if they were afraid to let go and lose control. He had a predatory profile, somewhat like a hawk. My gaze lingered on his face for just a second, and he suddenly looked up at me and smiled. I held my breath and gave him an awkward smile. At that moment, it seemed to me that I was saying my thoughts out loud, because he understood everything I was thinking. So I put my hand to my mouth to see if my lips were moving. I didn’t want to blurt out all my fears and concerns. I wasn’t была sure of anything, andleast of all of myself.

He got out of the car first, and I hesitated. «Where did they take me? What for? Why not?» My thoughts raced uneasily, but it was too late to change anything, because I had agreed to do it myself. Basically, I had nowhere else to go. And I didn’t even have any luggage with me, everything remained in my old life. I arrived wearing the dress Arnold had given me as a gift before we went to the restaurant.

Before I was released from the hospital, I was asked, if I needed to hand over my personal belongings, whichalso includedmy phone number and the dress I was wearing in the accident. I thought about it and asked him to give them to Arnold. Arnold was standing next to me, and at that moment he took my hand in support.

«Youеwill start your life anew,» he told me. «And the past won’t stop you from being happy».» I pretended to believe it, but I don’t know, if it was plausible, my facial expressions hadn’t fully recovered, and I didn’t have the strength to imitate anything.

Now that I was standing on the threshold of his house, which was so strange and almost unsociable, еsurrounded by large trees and shrubs, I felt vulnerable. I glanced around, as if scanning the road to make a run for it. But I wanted to escape first of all from myself, from the given, from which it was pointless to escape. So when Arnold opened мне the car door for me, I got out and headed for the house without trying to escape.

***

As we entered the house, Arnold took off his light gray pinstripe jacket and draped it over the back of a white chair. This chair stood next to a white round table, on which laya telephone book, an old-style phone with a tape measure, and various decorative ornaments in the form of small figurines in the color of aged gold.

Next to the table, facing each other, were two sofas of a deep orange color, they stood on a carpet, the patterns on which could be considered as a puzzle, because they were intertwined together, then separated, forming new bizarre patterns. Above them, if you looked up, you could see a large chandelier that was the same muted orange color as the sofas. This color was more like the color of autumn leaves. And if you look ahead, the space went into a large staircase, also covered with carpet, but with a different color and with a different ornament.

Arnold gave me a — piercing look with his narrow gray eyes.

I was like, «Is this what I wanted when I came here?» In fact, I didn’t want anything when I accepted his offer. I wanted to hide from people and myself. I didn’t know, what rights I would have to live with him, but he hadn’t made any attempts to get close yet, probably giving me time to catch my breath and think. I had a hard time imagining that I could attract anyone as a woman in my current state, but I was perfectly capable of doing simple chores around the house, even with just one hand. I hoped he’d brought me here out of boredom and pity.

«Okay,» I said, nodding, and then he offered to take me to my room.

— I’ve got a surprise for you!» — Arnold said happily.

I didn’t share his joy, didn’t understand what he was up to, but the fact that the house wasn’t as deserted as I’d initially thought, made me happy. There was a service staff in it. In the hall, on a white table surrounded by white chairs, there was a telephone with a phone book where the numbers of those who worked here were recorded. Arnold said he’d introduce me to everyone in case I needed help.

Before I went to my room, I saw through the window a tall man in the garden, slightly stooped. Arnold said it — was Fyodor Ivanovich, the manager of the house, who kept order here. Now, looking at the house from the inside, I realized that the tall grass by the fence that I saw from the outside, — was an old-fashioned style, and not a desolation, as it seemed to me at first. The house was indeed styled like an old castle, but inside it was quite modern.

My room was at the end of a hallway on the first floor. There were many doors in the corridor that were not signed in any way. We just walked past them and I didn’t ask any questions. When Arnold opened the door to my room and we entered, I froze in surprise. There was a portrait of me on the wall, it was a big picture. And that was the surprise Arnold had prepared for me. I looked carefully at the portrait, then at Arnold.

— Do you like it?» he asked with an awkward smile. The portrait showed me with a guitar, and it was like a flashback from my old life, which I didn’t have now. A strange woman looked at me through my portrait eyes, like a ghost of the past. It wasn’t me anymore.

— You don’t like it?» Arnold asked in surprise, seeing my confusion.

«I’m fine,» I said dryly.

This moment thenе did not let me go for a long time. Arnold said that he found my concert photos on the Internet and decided to surprise me by asking an artist he knew to draw my portrait from the photo. I wanted to leave my room or rip it off the wall, but I wasn’t at home, and I didn’t have a home of my own.

***

Arnold said a rehabilitation specialist would be here in the morning, but I can rest now. When he left me alone, I felt better. But all the same, I didn’t understand anything, and the already narrow space of the room pressed down on me with its heavyеwalls. Five minutes later, there was a knock on my door. It was a quiet, unassuming, self-conscious knock, just like its owner — , Parisa. I turned, around and she shyly opened the door and peeked out with a sweet smile.