Бесплатный фрагмент - Experiences of Survival

Rays of sunlight fall on the sheets of paper piled up on my desk. Some are covered in typewritten text, while others are handwritten. Each of them encompasses a life.

Years ago, these letters and notes contained agony, despair, unendurable suffering. Destroyed, crumpled lives, the death of children and close ones, incurable diseases. These had been deathbed letters. Their main motive had been the hope for a miracle, deliverance from constant misfortune. A lack of understanding of what was happening, a sense of fate’s injustice, bewilderment at betrayals and humiliation caused by close ones — not letters but pure pain.

Years have passed, and the meaning of the letters has changed. Almost all of them breathe with a happiness finally found. Not all of the people write about love and faith. However, love and faith have begun to be subtly present in every letter. Such words as ‘tragedy,” ‘catastrophe,” ‘betrayal,” ‘despair,” are almost absent now. What remains is, ‘have not yet succeeded,” ‘am not yet able,” ‘my loved one has blundered, has failed me.”

When you know who you are, where you have come from and where you are going, fear, agony, and melancholy gradually disappear. Life becomes a beautiful game, and the main prize in this game is love. We receive this prize periodically. Then, through naivety and an inability to sustain it we lose it and later, having endured trials and suffering, regain it. Gradually our soul stops depending on the comforts we worshipped earlier.

I go through the letters and wonder. Whenever possible, it’s necessary to strike out my name, as well as other names and surnames, so there wouldn’t be attachment towards a person’s identity, cut out some of the words of gratitude and praise for me, so that it’s not too sweet. The text itself is better left as is.

Lately more and more notes appear describing how a person’s character changes while simultaneously, an illness disappears. Sometimes miracles happen. The letters that should be included talk about consistent change, about overcoming ones problems. It would be better to leave the miracles out.

The most important miracle is the change of ones character and worldview. If instead of hatred, one is able to feel pity towards ones offender. When one approaches a close one who has accidentally caused insult with a generosity of spirit — this is a true miracle. If giving has become more pleasurable than receiving — this is also a miracle. In order for all of this to become possible it is necessary to bring the soul to order. Only then will love enter the soul and make a person happy. When the soul is healthy, then a future develops. Then ones destiny and health level out.

I remember a recent conversation with a woman. I had talked to her over the phone. This was a typical consultation, albeit by telephone. I did not see this woman, did not know who she was. However, this is often better, making it easier to come to what is most important.

“Please name your problem,” I said.

“My child has been diagnosed as mentally impaired.”

For a moment I wondered if it made sense to observe the subtle energy field of the child, then decided to study the mother. Changing to inner sight, I saw a pitiful picture: the possible death of a child lurked in the woman’s subtle energy field. This child had no future, for this reason he could only live with a minimal level of consciousness (consciousness is linked to the future). This can take the form of blindness, deafness, mental impairment, cerebral paralysis. The illness is always incurable.

If Doctors had beaten the disease, which in essence was a mechanism of the child’s soul salvation, the child would have died. Disease is always the result. When there is no future two options remain: incurable disease or death. Truthfully, there is also a third path, which before was practically impossible for most people. This is faith, love, and voluntary salvation of the soul. However, before saving the soul, it is first necessary to learn how not to kill it. This woman’s soul was in a catastrophic condition; speaking in my jargon, she suffered a partial destruction of seven layers of the soul. It is difficult for love to hold on with the soul in such a state. Enough energy remained for the woman herself, but no energy was left over for her child. It’s remarkable that the child did not die, and it was clear that no medicine could cure him. So what was going on with the woman’s soul?

I began to explain, “Any sin is a crime against love. It is an inner renouncement of God. First we reject love and lose our personal aspiration towards God, when we forget that true happiness is much more extensive then that which we call life’s pleasures. The first loss of love is completely imperceptible. Our main happiness becomes not love, but energy. Our main source of happiness becomes not God, but the world surrounding us. We stop refraining and distancing ourselves from life’s pleasures. We diversify them, are too diligent in our consumption of them, search for newer and newer pleasures. The fulfillment of desires, pleasure, happiness, consumption; all of these are very good as long as love is not infringed upon. Often, for love to be saved it is necessary to limit oneself, refrain, withhold from something. But for this faith and love need to be the first priority. If we begin to worship various idols, if we find our main happiness in our loved one, in our family, in our work, in pleasures and joys, then we destroy our unity with the Creator and love imperceptibly leaves our soul.”

“After excess, attachment appears, followed by crimes against the soul. A woman can easily have an abortion, reject her loved one because a sudden spark of lust, become partial to sex and alcohol, which is especially destructive before conception and during pregnancy. The woman is no longer able to endure pain of the soul and in response hates, resents her offender and does not want to live. An unwillingness to have a child, thoughts of abortion, is the same annihilation, only on the level of feelings. And if a first pregnancy terminates in abortion a woman automatically, subconsciously terminates her child during every following pregnancy.”

“When love leaves the soul, a woman stops feeling the presence of God’s will in everything. Then misfortunes and humiliation, which are required to help purify the soul, bring about the opposite result: unwillingness to live, melancholy, hatred towards the surrounding world. It seems to us, that our feelings are illusory, but they are just as real as our actions. Our behavior simply reinforces our feelings, fixates them, but that which we do arises from our feelings. Any outward crime is preceded by an inner crime.”

I paused, pondering whether it was necessary to clarify the details. Honestly speaking, I myself still do not understand many things in this field, tied as it is to a concept sacred as the soul. I am reluctant to trespass there with diagnostics; for this reason I limited myself to a question.

“Was there anything in your life from the things that I listed?”

“Practically everything,” the woman slowly replied.

“You have a lot of work ahead of you,” I said. “Most important, don’t set a goal for yourself to rid your child of illness, because subconsciously this will resemble worship of the future, and then your efforts will not bear fruit. If the goal of prayer for you is healing, then this is already a form of magical thinking. The most important goal should be to awaken love in the child’s soul, and a feeling of unity with God. If the soul will revive, the child will be cured. I would like to underline once more: happiness and health are side effects. The most important happiness is unity with God. The most important health is that of the soul. This is what you should strive for. For the time being, forget about your son’s illness, think about your soul and how to help it.”

I become distracted from my memories. If the sky were covered in clouds, if rain were cascading or snow tumbling down, that would be good. At the moment there is not a cloud in the sky. It is bottomless, blue and peaceful. And this is also good. Well, it’s time to begin reading these letters.

***

Dear Sergei Nikolayevich

I decided to write you a letter to thank you for your work. For the past 12 years I have been studying your books, and for the past three years I have been listening to your recordings. Bit by bit I have acquired Love, Faith, and dialectic thinking.

Who was I before you? A heathen with a half-paralyzed way of thinking, unable to love and with a bad attitude towards people. When I first took your book in my hands and began reading, I had a feeling, that I had been hit over the head with a log. You opened a huge, unexplored world before me. As it turned out, 99.9% of what happens to me is determined by this world. Your research is priceless, whatever fools and the envious may say. I will keep quiet about science, psychology and medicine.

I am very happy, that destiny hit you, and you just prayed and thought, “Why?” without answering the question yourself with aggression or melancholy. You made the lives of us, your followers, so much easier. Your books are easy to read, like a boat gliding on water. That which for an atheist or heathen is a total nightmare is for us — a small alignment. I smile, repent, and go on. You have made my life sweet, like a honey biscuit. I usually turn on a dvd with your lectures, and pray. I have a suspicion that I’ve become very dependent on them. Actually, your system has become my eyes and my template according to which; the short will be stretched, the long trimmed, the fat flattened if they do not fit into the system.

Thank you again for your immeasurable effort. I wish you creative success and national recognition.

With deep respect…

At some point, I also was a heathen, unable to love, with a huge ego and continuous pain in my soul. But from childhood I had a strong and persistent desire to comprehend the world. I believed, that it was possible, and never suppressed this aspiration in myself.

Children getting older usually ponder the meaning of life. And what is it, actually, the meaning of life? It is our main trajectory. It is the main desire, to which all others adhere. I did not want to be a slave of momentary desires and goals. The search for the meaning of life intensified my desire to know the world.

Usually, towards the age of twenty, the search for the meaning of life ends. Even without having this meaning, a person chooses for himself a more or less acceptable goal and begins striving towards it. In general this is fame, wellbeing, money.

My search for the meaning of life continued at twenty, at thirty, and at forty years of age. When after the age of 30 I would say that I was trying to figure out what the meaning of life was, I was regarded with a smile. Years passed, and people started looking at me with pity. But I did not renounce my aspiration. And perhaps would continue looking for my entire life.

When I was about forty years old, I began practicing healing and saw, how with the violation of universal laws, diseases would appear. This was an entrance to a new dimension. It turned out, that illness was help from above, allowing us to build a more correct worldview. Through illness and misfortune, we comprehend the universal laws. True understanding comes through love.

First, I perceived a human being as a mechanism, one that could be unscrewed or tightened up. Then I understood, that everything is united in a person: the body, spirit and soul are a united whole. It is impossible to cure the body if the soul is not healthy first. Treating a person is useless. It is only possible to help one get healthy. I then understood that the main medicine, that which cures all diseases, is love. Then I came to know that love lives in the soul. So it is necessary to care, first and foremost, about ones soul and only then about ones spirit and body.

I understood, that no system could be complete, perfect and finished. Any system is linked to the conscious mind, which is secondary in relation to the soul and to love. The main system is the universe, created by God and existing as part of Him. And the main function of this system is love. My desire to comprehend the world, my search for the meaning of life, my aspirations to beat diseases, all of these, in the end, became unified in this concept.

***
Let me succinctly describe my story. The adventures began ten years ago. My life’s orientation was not quite right — I got a correction — I was given diabetes. I began reading your books, had a consultation with you, began working on myself. The diabetes withdrew. I got married (before this my husband and I had been together for seven years). Then I put aside your books, abandoned my inner work, plunged into the human world, and the diabetes did not hesitate in returning

The further I went, the more misfortune: there was constant unhappiness with my husband, judgment, a heap of complaints. So I was given a car crash, two weeks in a coma, the doctors did not know if I would survive. Then there was a lengthy period of rehabilitation. For this period I left for the countryside with my mother and settled there — that is I began spending half of the year there, if not more. There are very few people there, there is no television, radio, computer, water — no civilization whatsoever. So a return to Moscow was a formidable stress for me. The forest became my teacher, there were no human emotions and I was comfortable there. I constantly did something with my hands, and in time returned to your books. Soon I became pregnant, gave birth to a son.

Everything was good. Two and a half years later I became pregnant again, and that was when my husband’s adventures began. First, his character changed, and then stones in his gallbladder, an operation, pancreatitis, treatment, problems with the intestines.

I gave birth to a second son, everything was alright, but troubles with my husband continued. He left for the countryside, no civilization, no comforts, very few people, and he more or less came back to normal. But he quit his job and is extremely thin. He returned and the pains began again. Please tell me what this might mean.

The physical body is bound energy. Consciousness is also energy, without a concrete structure. Feelings are also energy. Very much depends on the direction and the way in which this energy is realized.

The first of the Ten Commandments affirms the unity of the Creator. This means, that the universe is one and ones aspiration towards the creator need not be chaotic. A cell must give to the organism as a whole, increasing it’s unity with it, otherwise there will be disintegration.

The Second Commandment affirms “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.” This means that our main energy should be directed towards God, and not an object of worship, be it a loved one or an idol symbolizing money, power, wellbeing, sexuality, etc. Worshipping somebody or something, we forget about God, and the energy that needs to flow towards the main goal, shifts to secondary goals and begins to destroy the universe. This leads to the eventual disintegration of a person as well as that of his descendants.

The Third commandment affirms that one should not remember God between this and that.

By the way, I heard that one of the names of God sounds like “Elohim.” El in translation means united. It seems that the combination ‘oim’ may have come from the ancient indian word ‘om,” meaning absolute. In this way, the name “Elohim,” if translated by its meaning, is approximately the following, “Everything that may exist is the Creator; apart from Him there is nothing; He is absolutely united.” This means that we are a part of Him, we are inextricably bound to Him. If a cell relates negligently to the organism, it becomes cancerous. Negligence is a shift of priorities.

If I respect my parents, this means that subconsciously, I put them in first place and myself in second. The feeling of oneself as secondary in respect to one’s parents helps one to feel secondary in respect to God; the secondary priority of soul, spirit and body in relation to God. If, however, I do not respect my parents, this means that I put myself in first place, and them in second. Then I begin to get ill and die, not understanding that my soul is losing its unity with God, not noticing that my body, spirit and soul are coming to the forefront, while love remains in the background.

Speaking about God in vain, that is carelessly, with irony, is in essence disrespect towards Him. In this case a person subconsciously puts himself in first place. But it is love that nourishes the soul, spirit and body, and love comes only when it becomes most valuable to us. And when we turn away from love and our human needs become the first priority, a slow death begins. Moreover, the first to weaken and then die, becoming incapable of life, are our future descendants. Sometimes, in order to save them, we ourselves begin to get sick and die.

A careless attitude towards God leads to energy no longer being directed at the main goal. As soon as energy turns around and begins to flow first and foremost towards objects of secondary importance, a mechanism destroying the unity of the universe begins, which quickly is replaced by a mechanism destroying the person himself.

The fourth Commandment states that one day of the week it is necessary to detach oneself from everything and dedicate oneself to God. A constant occupation with tasks, work, ties us more and more strongly to human values. Attachment gives birth to dependance and aggression and inner aggression brings forth misfortune, illness.

How can it be? One person can work intensely and still be joyful, healthy, while another, who is not especially overwhelmed with work, but worries, is resentful, irritable — can become seriously ill. The answer is in the particularities of the subconscious. Our consciousness is separated from the energy of the universe. For this reason, if we worship work, or a loved one at the conscious level, this is not dangerous for the universe. Our body and consciousness do not have a universal scale, whereas the soul does and when the worship of something starts to enter deep into the soul, that is the subconscious, which is the main component of the soul. At that point the universe reacts immediately.

Lets ask ourselves: in which case do words, thoughts and feelings, linked to actions enter the subconscious? The main rules are very simple: That enters the subconscious easily which is accompanied by positive feelings; that which is confirmed one hundred percent, that which does not raise any doubts. That which is repeated constantly, as well as that which is accompanied by a big release of energy.

If you will work seven days a week, you will forget about God, because the process of worshipping work, wellbeing will be continuous for you. Any human function exists by the principle of a sine wave, and only the Divine can be constant and continuous. Periodic detachment from human desires, from communication with close ones, from all important tasks, from pleasures, allows you to restore the disappearing unity with the Creator, correctly organize your priorities, direct energy towards the main goal. If one interprets the fourth commandment literally, then on saturday it is simply necessary to stop working. Actually the meaning of saturday is that periodically a person must abstain from everything, that he temporarily is compelled to worship.

Another important point: that enters the subconscious to which we relate to with reverence and respect. The phrases and advice of parents heard in our childhood can be memorized and become guidelines for our entire lives. A reverent attitude towards God allows us to more easily and quickly restore the disappearing unity with Him.

When a person goes to the countryside, a radical change in this energy happens. Life in a big city imperceptibly sucks out the soul. In order to survive in a big city we become used to spending huge amounts of energy on all levels; physical, spiritual, and soul. There is a constant, unnoticeable temptation to spend more energy than is necessary, and to direct it where it should not go. For this reason indulgence, ethical decay, and the loss of faith in God were always much stronger in big cities. It is enough to remember Ancient Rome. Being in nature, limiting our physical and spiritual comfort, we help our soul revive. A lot of energy frees up, which, if properly directed via abstaining, praying, restores our wholeness. It is for this reason that people are so drawn to nature. For this reason many strive to have a country house, if albeit a tiny one, where they can toil in the garden from morning till night. The more physical energy they give, the fewer thoughts in their heads, the calmer and happier they are in their souls.

Diabetes is a result of heightened attachment, love that has turned into desire, jealously, unhappiness, and judgment. Problems in health and destiny, tearing us from the worship of the body, spirit and soul, purify our energy, fill the soul with love and allow us to give birth to healthy children. However, when children are born, one shouldn’t consider this payment for a job well done, as this is only an advance. In order for a child to survive and be healthy and happy, his parents need to give him love and teach him to love. If we are not ready for this, then two options are left — either the child gets sick and dies, or we, the parents, through illness, bring our souls to order.

Stones in the gallbladder diminish attachment to the future, consciousness, spirit. Pancreatitis diminishes desires, attachments, jealousy. Problems with the intestinal tract help purify the soul.

First destiny healed the husband from pride and jealousy. Pride is healed through problems with the liver, jealously through problems with the gallbladder.

Now about the intestinal tract. How is it affected by the soul? The answer is crystal clear. The soul appeared first, that is to say that it is more ancient than the spirit and body. On the level of the body, the most ancient organ is the intestinal tract. For this reason, we think and feel with our intestinal tract first, and then with our brain. Moreover, the intestinal tract reacts to future events about which our brain simply doest suspect. This is where the expression ‘gut feeling’ comes from. The main information from the future is first worked over by the intestinal tract, then the liver, and then by the brain. Now scientists have already arrived at the conclusion that about 80 percent of the body’s immune system is provided by the intestinal tract. Sooner or later, scientists will be forced to tie together such concepts as the immune system and the inner energy levels of a person. Because the main energy is in the soul, as is, by the way, all of the information of the universe, the concept of the immune system is, first and foremost, tied to the soul and the intestinal tract.

Aggressive feelings destroy the soul and lower the immune system, so the illnesses that stalk your husband are actually help from above, that saves your sons. The partial destruction of the body, spirit, and soul force us to cling to that which is eternal, and gradually in the subconscious love is prioritized to first place.

For this reason if a person, having received a disease, becomes softer and kinder, tries to cast aside all of his problems, tries to abstain inwardly from everything that gets in the way of love, then his energy levels revive. If a person prays, striving towards God, feeling that unification with the Creator is the highest pleasure — this is what the illness was intended for. The Divine energy of love begins to permeate the soul. Later it passes into the souls of our children and future descendants, reviving and saving them. Illness, in this case, is no longer needed, and that which doctors call a ‘miraculous and inexplicable cure’ can take place. So any illness hints to us that it is time to care for the soul and remember, that the main happiness is love, providing unity with God.

Everything comes from God. Everything is for our benefit. It is only necessary to figure out what is beneficial. Those for whom benefit is a healthy body become slaves of their stomaches and promiscuity. Divine logic is something that they will never understand. Such people are simply physically incapable of begin monotheists.

Those for whom benefit is wellbeing, power, abilities, perceive any misfortune, humiliation or loss as a tragedy and hate the people surrounding them, blaming them for their problems. For these people, Divine logic is similarly unattainable. For them the world is divided into two parts — black and white. They also cannot be monotheists. These people believe that there is a kind god who takes care of them, provides welfare, grants their wishes, and there is a wicked god, who takes away from them, hurts them, brings misfortune. They love the kind god and hate the wicked one. But little by little they begin to notice, that they love the kind one less and less, and the wicked one more and more. And then they gradually begin to worship the wicked one.

There are people, who consider the greatest benefit to be beautiful feelings. These people suffer greatly when they are betrayed, when somebody behaves unethically and dishonorably. They judge such people with contempt, and feel offended by God for allowing the existence of the unethical and dishonorable. People worshipping beautiful feelings gradually begin to despise God, who destroys that which is most holy and marvelous in their souls.

The first category (those who worship the body) feel contempt towards others and experience superiority towards them if they feel physically stronger or have more money. The second category feel contempt towards others and experience superiority towards them when they feel stronger spiritually. They have more abilities, they have a higher intuition, they are better at managing situations, they are able to achieve wellbeing for themselves and their relations. The third category look contemptuously at those who have a handicapped soul, and the feeling of moral superiority makes them truly happy. The first, the second, and the third secretly hate God when he takes away that which they consider their greatest benefits; happiness for the spirit, body or soul.

However, in actuality, the greatest benefit is love. It is that, which is impossible to destroy. It is that, for the sake of which the universe exists. It is that, for the sake of which our body, our consciousness, and the mortal part of our soul is destroyed.

“Whatever God may do- everything is for the best.” This saying, known to everybody, appeared long ago. However, what is meant by the word ‘best?” If it is love, then our life becomes a continuos opportunity to be happy, because any situation works towards love. If, however, we believe that this is wellbeing for the soul, spirit, or body, then Divine logic becomes incomprehensible for us. Then, defending superficial wellbeing, we turn away from love more and more, destroying our souls and losing the future, until misfortune and disease fails to save us from slow and inconspicuous extinction.

***

Greetings Sergei Nikolaevich!

Thank you for your research. I have read all of your books, attended lectures and seminars, begun dealing with difficult situations with more ease. From childhood, I was interested only in pleasures: food, entertainment, masturbation.

In university I fell in love. My relationship with the young man was close, and I became pregnant. He insisted on an abortion. At first I resisted, but later went ahead with it (It was embarrassing to give birth without a husband, it was necessary to finish university) and fell into a terrible depression.

A year later I got married. Everything was going well, I became pregnant, waited for the child with great anticipation. On the 33rd week of the pregnancy, a pathological problem with the kidneys was discovered. I worried but tried to keep bad thoughts at bay.

The child was born heavy, via cesarean section. A line of never-ending operations followed, for the restoration of the urinary tract. I walked around like a zombie, took care of the child like a machine. I did not want to live, understood that I need to change my attitude towards the situation or die.

It was then that I encountered your films and videos. I listened to them constantly, tried to change myself, but this happened with huge resistance. The child began to get better, I became a little softer, began to treat people more leniently, stopped raving about my career and wellbeing. Became pregnant with a second child, on the fifth month of pregnancy my husband cheated on me. I prayed, suffered, agonized, forgave. I gave birth to a son, and he was placed in reanimation, diagnosed with insufficient breathing — tetraparese. I prayed, repeating that I loved God more than all of human happiness. The child was signed out, the doctors were surprised that everything was alright.

I understood that my life was now conditional on constant misfortunes in my fate — when they are absent I become tense. And recently my older son was examined, and a stone in his left urinary tract was discovered, as well as a widening of the entire system, though he feels alright. This is an ordeal for me, I’m in shock, and don’t want to live, though I had thought that I had already worked though such themes. I am at a dead end, fear and regret have come up, life has lost its meaning, but I know that I will still be able to cope, I am trying.

I do not know why I am writing you this letter. Perhaps it is just to share my worries, like with a father. I already gave myself a diagnose: rejection of love in favor of a successful destiny, inability to sacrifice.

Thank you for everything, I continue to change.

Lets start at the beginning. Why was it that from childhood, only pleasures were interesting? The sense of happiness appears in us when love flows in our soul. The rejection of love in favor of secondary goals, breaking the commandments, all of this imperceptibly leads to love cooling in the soul. The soul then begins to suffer, and he who does not know how to return to God and gain love, he who doesn’t know how to do this, is forced to make up for the absence of love with external happiness. The worship of pleasures begins, which give the soul a sense of happiness.

Lust turns into masturbation, this is happiness for the surface layers of the soul. The spirit enjoys entertainment. The body enjoys food, comfort. The more we aim towards pleasure, the faster the soul weakens. A person stops living through love and the soul, the future becomes most important for him, spiritual values — power, wellbeing. It is worship of wellbeing that forces one to have abortions, reject love, act immorally, destroying the soul.

The young man insisted on an abortion because he felt that the child would have been not very capable of life. However, an abortion is an abortion — its consequences inevitably affected the second child. Pathology of the kidneys occurs when there is a heightened attachment to pleasures, which leads to a heightened pride. Worship of the future, spirituality, was curbed by the problem with the kidneys, the problem with the urogenital system curbed lust. When you began to pray, love started coming to first place. Because on the level of the soul we are all one, the child’s inner energy level changed, the system of priorities normalized and he began recovering.

On the fifth level of pregnancy it is necessary to practice detachment from everything, because the child communicates with God. Because there was not enough detachment, destiny helped humble the soul through the husbands infidelity. However, the willingness to accept the humiliation of human values and sustain love nonetheless was not yet big enough. Because of this, the second child’s pride had not been overcome, and he was unable to accept pain of the soul while sustaining love. Therefore, illnesses helped lessen the dependency on the soul and spirit, strengthen unity with God. The fact that a stone was discovered in the son’s urinary tract — this is simply the inability to accept future problems with love.

Love can treat anything. One should not think that if one has received health then faith and love are no longer needed. One should not bind prayer and health together literally. The necessity of love and unity with God should be the same as the need to breathe.

Your diagnose is simple: the lack of love and inability to love. However, it seems that this diagnosis, to a large extent, is already in the past.

***
From two months of age; pylorospasm (food failed to enter the stomach). Shots of Amenazin (Thorozine) to the head. From the age of five, psychotic problems. I screamed, twisted my joints, beat myself. I was in psychiatric hospitals several times. Doctors were unable to choose a concrete diagnosis, said that it looked like a weak form of schizophrenia. In the orthodox church, in 1994, it was said that this was possession by demons. There were three exorcisms — no changes.

From the age of fourteen, in order to keep from going insane, I drank a lot, cavorted with women but never lived with them, masturbated a lot, was treated for delirium at a psychiatric hospital.

And you wouldn’t tell from my physical appearance: 177 cm tall, a commanding appearance, a mountain skier of an expert level. For this reason, psychiatrists did not want to give me any handicapped benefits, until I bribed them.

I am either chased out of any job, or I run out myself. With any work my aggression rises dramatically, both to my surroundings and to myself. I mean paid work. But this was before.

Lets continue. Recently I have been wanting to write something, in order to realize myself. For this reason, I am a little envious of you. If only somebody could feel how difficult is to to be externally normal, even attractive, while feeling hellish agony in the soul! It is very difficult to write this letter. I cannot use the internet, it makes me crazy.

I have been familiar with your information from the appearance of your first book, in 1993, but only since 2012 have there been changes. Depression disappeared, energy appeared! I felt light, illumination in my soul, the freshness of a morning breeze. I can easily picture the holographic nature of the universe, I am in everything that exists, the love of the Creator. I felt unity with God and the constant feeling of love towards Him.

I stopped drinking alcohol completely. I don’t want to. I haven’t had a drink in two years, as though I never had — it’s even comical. I had been treated for it more than once by the best addiction specialists in Moscow for huge amounts of money. By the way, one of them, a professor said, “You are a psycho, it is useless to help you, you will die anyway.” I had thought to myself, “Only after you, sir.” This is my story.

Now, Sergei Nikolaevich, I would like doomed people, having heard of my experience, to know that it is better to dully walk or crawl forward doing inner work than shake from fear, pity yourself, and lower your hands.

I felt that these happy moments of the soul’s illumination and light, seemingly without cause, couldn’t be bought by all of the wealth of our beautiful planet. I wish everybody Love, the souls illumination.

PS: Sorry for the text, i had to write in a condensed way. In 2002 it was necessary to remove my pancreas- it had rotted. Now impotency, imbalanced emotions. I struggle with aggression, take medication, but still I am happy. Thank you!

Actually, when I read your letter, It seemed that you had written my biography. The difference being, that my case was a little better in terms of health — physical and mental.

For many years I lived with the feeling that I had been pierced in the stomach with a knife that was always turning while I had to smile and act as though nothing was happening. Unfortunately, I cannot describe all of these situations, but believe me, that which is called the humiliation of the body, spirit, and soul, was not only largely present in my life; it happened continuously.

Inner survival in such circumstances is impossible. I understand why people become criminals. It is simply an attempt at self destruction, subconsciously pulling in death as a solution to the soul’s agony. It was possible to survive only by subconsciously striving towards God. This endless suffering helped me to feel love as a reality, and gradually all of that which was called misfortune, became for me the habitual chance to struggle, evolve, change for the better.

Though once, about 15 years ago, I told myself “Why should I constantly strive towards God? I am simply tired. Why is it that I should constantly hold love in my soul?” And I spent one day with the feeling of the loss of love in my soul. The sense of light left me, as well as the souls warmth, the meaning of being. I then understood what true misfortune was. If one gathers all of the problems that I had in my life into one place, all of my suffering and agony, then they would not be one thousandth of the inexpressible tragedy that I felt then. I do not know what would have happened to me had this state continued. I understood then why people commit suicide: they try to replace the death of the soul with the death of the body.

Then everything was restored. I still felt resentful when i was treated unfairly, regretted lost money, was unhappy with the small bedroom in my apartment. However I never again forgot that I was happy in truth — every moment, every second, every hour and every day. Not losing this state — this is what became one of my main goals. Later I realized that this state can be cultivated, stabilized, built upon.

So we are all going in the same direction together. We all help one another. Experience, even unsaid, not written down on a piece of paper, is transferred to the souls of all people at the level of feelings. Saving our souls, in this way we always help others and save others. If the soul rejuvenates, the consciousness and body will likewise rejuvenate. It is nice to know and feel that there are likeminded people.

***
I would like to share my experience with those women, who are unable to get pregnant for a long time.

In 1999, I had an abortion. (How will I raise the child? The father is not quite right…) Overall, I was concerned about my fortunate destiny. In 2002, I came across your book, and began working on myself.

In 2005, I was hit by a car with such strength that I flew over to the other side of the road (while I flew, I was unconscious). My first thoughts, after I came back to consciousness a few seconds later, “God, I accept this with love and gratitude, and have no hard feelings towards the driver.” I got away with two bruises on my left side (my hip and my shoulder) and a dislocation of my neck vertebrae. I did not even take sick leave, but my neck hurt. I found a manual therapist and after a year and a half, got married to him. A month before the wedding, my future husband said that for the first year of marriage, a child would wait (it was the wrong horoscope; the year of the rat). I worried, though I understood that the problem was not him, that through him I was given an abasement of my future. I continued to work inwardly, read books, watch disks. After a year the situation changed, but still for almost a year efforts to get pregnant were unsuccessful.

An epiphany happened during Holy Week. I am my husband’s third wife. He has a son from a previous marriage- when we were married he was five years old. My husband went to visit that family practically every other day. There was no fighting about this but ‘soul to soul’ conversations happened regularly. The child was so irritating to me by his existence, and how is it possible to become pregnant from your husband, if you are against his child? On a subtle level, it doesn’t matter which wife gave birth, they are still his children.

The week after Lent, I decided to go to church and ring the bell. I was barely able to come down, my legs almost fell out from under me, for three days I could barely walk. On the same day, there was an irregularity in my monthly cycle. I had analyses done, went to a doctor and she found the reason why I had been unable to get pregnant (They had already wanted to send me to artificial insemination). After I signed up for a seminar, the following happened. We bought the first car we had ever had, a week later drove to the cemetery and got stuck there (the battery went dead). Another week later I punctured the left front tire, another week later my husband hit a “Moskvich’ with his front left bumper, denting the wing. We ‘solved’ the situation in thirty seconds, giving the driver of the injured “Moskvich’ five hundred rubles. Around the same time, my mother in law was diagnosed with a stage-one malignant tumor in the left breast.

As I understand it, this is all purification before the seminar. According to your system, the left side is the past. I assumed that all of these problems (with the left side) are the inertia of the past. Is it possible that there is something that we have not worked through?

My husband assures me that he has no thoughts of cheating.

A few days before leaving for the seminar, I found out that I was pregnant!

That for the sake of which we betray love, must be lost. Any woman has a huge subconscious love for her child, and if wellbeing turns out to be more important that love for him, then problems should follow. This is not only misfortune in destiny, this is humiliation from people, the collapse of hopes and plans for the future. There may be traumas, fractures, weakening of the memory and eyesight. Children can have weakened abilities and a lack of desire to learn. They can loose their taste for work with good prospects, to the creation of their own business, their abilities may be closed despite all of their efforts. The auto accident was indisputably atonement for the performed abortion, and the correct attitude towards it made it possible to reorient the energy of the future child from worship of a fortunate destiny and future to love and the acceptance of God’s will. And what followed were finishing touches. The abasement of destiny in the form of a difficult family situation. The existence of a second family, is not only the abasement of destiny. It is the abasement of the soul, that is the adoration of a husband, the abasement of higher feelings, the abasement of lust. In the subconscious of a woman, the main happiness is family and the birth of children, and sexual pleasure holds the concept of family and future children.

Before a seminar, a purification of the subtle layers, the future, often happens. For this reason dirt often comes up from the souls of future children. That the car’s bumper and front tire were damaged hints at some kind of problem with the future, to which the health, destiny and soul of the child are tied. An empty battery most likely hints at the child’s low level of energy and lack of love. That which happened at the church is also rather apparent and logical. The sound vibrations of the bells curb our usual life rhythms, help us to detach from all of our attachments, and for the soul it becomes easier to sense love and receive new life-forming energy. For this reason, earlier in Russia, during a time of epidemics the church bells would be rung and the results were much better than any medicines — epidemics would go away.

Contact with Divine energy heals and saves a person, moreover, first and foremost, it saves the soul. If there is a lot of dirt stored up in the form of sins, moral crimes and rejection of love, then all of this comes out through illness. For one person, contact with the Divine looks like light and joyful healing, while for another like misfortune, suffering, illness or death. The greater the willingness to feel detachment from everything and strive towards love and God, the less dirt is left in the soul and the easier it is to make contact with the Divine. A person, who stubbornly defends the interests of the body, spirit and soul at the moment of contact with love is doomed to illnesses, suffering and death when Divine energy appears.

He who, receiving problems and misfortunes, looks for somebody to blame, will not be able to change. Truly, why should I change if I am in the right? And I am in the right then, somebody is to blame. For this reason the tendency to judge, accuse other people, the habit of teaching another through accusations is a straight path to illnesses and misfortune. For women this is a path to infertility.

And vice versus, the more clearly we feel and see God’s will in everything, the more illusory the film of human life seems to us, the more happy and painless contact with Divine energy becomes for us. Usually this happens before children are conceived, when our skewed world view leads to wrong thoughts, feelings and actions in this period. And later we pay for this with our children’s illnesses, their misfortunes or their deformed characters. And after some time, we begin to pay ourselves for raising our children incorrectly — with our own illnesses and problems.

It so happened that for a modern person the concept of sin and crime became completely meaningless. Our main effort goes into ridding ourselves of the consequences of sin, we look for a church to appeal to, for somebody to pray for us, take away our sins, petition before God for a place in heaven. All energy is thrown into fighting the consequences of sin, and few ponder moral behavior as the best prophylactic for illness and misfortune.

In this, religion has begun to act like science, medicine, which births newer and newer medications and methods of fighting disease, without thinking about the reasons that give rise to these problems. Correct nutrition, physical activity, can replace ninety percent of all medicines, but then nobody will need an army of medics. To fight the consequences, a doctor is needed, while for a healthy and moral way of life one only needs ones own individual will. The same is true for religion: The stronger a persons individual aspiration towards God, the more open his soul is to love, the more moral his behavior, the less he needs a priest.

Jesus Christ spoke of this simply and clearly, “The kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:21). All that is left is to follow that which has been known for the past two thousand years.

***
I beg you, help me figure out, what has been happening to me for many years already! I have no more energy! I am 60 years old, a pensioner, live alone. My common-law husband and I have long since gone in separate directions. I have a daughter, a son-in-law, a granddaughter. For fifteen years now I have been ‘chewing the granite’ of the science of love using your books and disks, but have broken all my teeth.

The course of my life, especially after coming in contact with your information, is really squashing me, especially in the area of sexuality. You write, that trying to purify itself, the soul transfers attachments to higher planes onto lower levels: the consciousness and body. So, I am tormented by nightmares and possessing spirits. My consciousness works day and night. Spontaneously, my brain churns out such thoughts-images (sensual as well as others) that my hair stands on end! I start playing with my granddaughter and in me there immediately appears some kind of monster, that wants to rape her. For several years I did not sleep at all, thought I would go insane. And maybe I did. This sexual pathology manifests to this day, spontaneously in different variations inside of me. I thought, that this was normal, that I was being purified, but now understand that it is the other way around.

Earlier I didn’t understand anything, I just read your books, watched videocassettes and prayed. I read all of the books, including “Answers to Questions’ and “Man of the Future.” I have a lot of the videocassettes but am not able to watch all of them, as I physically do not have enough time, because I take a long time with each one. Both books, and cassettes as well as prayer come with great effort. Physically and morally. The pains are excruciating. How I am alive to this day, I do not understand.

I remember and analyze my life — horror and shame! Shame and horror! It would be impossible to atone for it through prayer even with a thousand future lives. I repent, pray, ask for forgiveness, but the further into the forest, the more logs. You say that imbalanced emotions come from descendants. My emotions, thoughts, and desires are chronically and pathologically uncontrollable. In me all of the heaviest attachments and sins are present: Starting from the womb fear and hatred towards my father (drank, slept around, debauched), masturbation since diapers, love towards a woman, a doomed love towards a married man, in the context of which there was a suicide attempt, after which judgment and contempt of him for many years. Then a short, unfortunate unsuccessful common-law marriage that produced my daughter.

I did not even suspect how deep my feeling of my own importance went, my exceptionality, arrogance, superiority and contempt, the extent to which I am ambitious, grumpy and resentful. I did not even understand or guess that I am very immoral, judgmental, dull and with the years, scornful. My daughter has surpassed me in every respect. She can be characterized by a single letter: “I.” This is my unrelenting, hopeless and irrepressible pain.

Now my daughter does not communicate with me at all, has prohibited me from visiting them, because I got into the ‘holiest of holies’ — her relationship with her husband. They create the semblance of a family and in silent agreement cheat on one another. All of us suffer and agonize, and first of all, this is reflected on my granddaughter. I have already understood that to teach us is just to ruin us. Whatever I may say, whatever I may do, my daughter will find fault with anything.

The sum of my life- a howl in these four walls about the broken carton that is my life, in anguish and loneliness. And to complete my happiness, my intestinal tract has completely stopped working. I am not exaggerating. Everything goes into me, in terms of food, and nothing comes out! Neither laxatives, nor enemas nor medicines help any more. I cannot hold lent or fast. I fasted for eight days and barely gathered myself back together. It turns out that it is an entire science, how to fast properly. I have a pathologically uncontrollable desire to not eat, but stuff food into myself. According to your diagnostics food and sex are the same energetically, and problems with the intestinal tract indicate a program of self-destruction. I understand. And nothing except understanding. And this means that I have no chance of changing, so it follows that I have no chance of surviving. But I already do not hope, because, like a squashed amoeba, I am in one spacial dimension. Both my soul and my eyes are scattered. The Creator does not let me near, even at the distance of a fired gun.

A person found guilty is granted a final wish before death. Sergei Nikolaevich, since I am a longtime reader of your work, and my years, months, and days are practically counted, could you please council me as to why? Why does my life have such a sad ending? Any word of yours is a salve to my soul. Why, when i read your books, watch videocassettes, go to church or pray at home with a prayerbook do I simply go to sleep? I barely stand through a sermon without going to sleep or falling, what sincere prayer or repentance can there be in such a state? As it is said, “No concern with fat, as long as we are alive.”

In my mind I understand that all of my problems have gone too deep inside. As you say: Classic! Still, you always have an individual approach to each person. Maybe you could give me individual advice on how to pray? I pray for myself, for my daughter, for my granddaughter, for my descendants and my entire kin. Can I pray in this way, or should I only pray for myself? And what should I pay particular attention to? You probably understand everything even without diagnostics, do not reject my final wish.

My most sincere and kind wishes to you, your close ones and colleagues. I bow to the ground to your titanic effort. Thank you for the fact that I at least understand why I’m suffering.

With deep respect and (of course) love…

I read this letter after a lecture and diagnosed it using the handwriting. The situation indeed turned out to be serious. The woman’s descendants, to the fourth generation, were ill-equipped for life, carried a program of huge misfortune. Huge pride, many times exceeding the dangerous level, a huge amount of resentment towards people, the desire to control and blame everybody. It immediately became clear why the process was not moving forward.

It is relatively easy to change oneself having read my books, but bringing your descendants to order though yourself, moreover to the fourth generation — this is a long process. In such a case it is necessary to simply work hard. A result will be had in any case. But for a proud person who tries to control everything, there immediately appears an inflexible plan for the future, the expectation of a result, and therefore resentment and depression if plans do not come to pass. But this is also surmountable.

The woman had left her telephone number and I called her.

“You know, recently it has gotten easier for me,” She confessed, “But there is still one very serious problem. We have a complete lack of understanding with my daughter. She and my son-in-law hurt me, do not let me spend time with my granddaughter.”

“Do not exaggerate your problems,” I advised, “One should only relate seriously to love, while problems can be related to lightly and with humor. Do you really want to be carried? If you burdened your daughter with a very strong tendency to judge people and pressure them, if you passed onto her the priority of wellbeing above all else, then why do you want, with all of this, to be happy? You threw stones, now gather them. Do not grumble about fate, and do not be resentful of your daughter. You feel pain — forgive, abstain and pray. Instead of this, you become resentful and irritable.

The woman sighed heavily. “Yes, I truly have the tendency to pressure, control and judge people. I cannot contain my resentment. I understand that I myself provoke the people surrounding me to this kind of attitude, but am unable to overcome myself and despair arises.

“You simply want to see results immediately.” I explained. “First of all, keep in mind that there are always results, but at first they are simply unnoticeable. Secondly, set rigid deadlines, and wait for results. You want to pray and in a month become different. Try telling yourself: ‘I am going to pray and become different in the course of a year. If I am not able to, I will try to change over the course of ten years. If I am again unable, I will change anyway, over one hundred years or one thousand years. I will change for the better over the course of my entire life, and not only this one but the next.’ And when your subconscious understands that you will not step back, then real and deep change will begin”.

“There is another nuance. Your descendants are burdened to the fourth generation. For this reason the feeling arises that the work is for nothing. Imagine, that you need to move a ten kilogram weight. This is what you have set your mind to doing. And it is written on it: ten kilograms. However, in reality, it weighs one hundred, because it also contains the weight of the sins of your descendants. You orient yourself to the way it looks on the outside and what is written on it, try to move it, but you are unable to and despair. Here’s what’s happening — if a problem doesn’t move from its place it means that the souls of your descendants are involved. Continue to strive, train, sooner or later you will be able to move it.

There is another detail. Do not try to solve all problems simultaneously, divide your work into small steps. For example, this week I am learning to not judge or control my children. Next week, I learn how to step into conflict lightly, with humor, learn to ask forgiveness for my wrong behavior. The third week, I will learn to love and take care of my close ones unconditionally, without reproach or demand. If you are unable to more a weight a meter, start with a millimeter. Most important is not to stop the process.

Now lets talk about what is most important — the reason for your boundless pride. At its root lies worship of the soul, worship of lust. The inability to overcome pain of the soul is the impossibility of accepting the collapse of pleasure. In your past lives, you had a mad attachment to your husband. You spent too much time and energy on sexual pleasure. It seems that you were overly indulgent in terms of sex during pregnancy. It is possible that there were also abortions. I do not want to look at the details now. But when the concentration on lust and pleasure went the danger zone and turned into attachment and dependance, naturally a purification began. You were unable to overcome infidelity and offenses from your husband. Pain of the soul became unbearable for you, and then you moved your foothold to the spirit, consciousness, the future. As a result, your pride began to develop rapidly.

Your subconscious reminds you that the original sin of Eve has not been overcome in you — this is mildly speaking. The worship of lust not overcome through agony of the soul, goes further down to the level of consciousness, and is treated through humiliation, misfortune, problems with the psyche. This can be ‘possessing spirits,” intrusive states, schizophrenia, and more.

For this reason, first of all, try to overcome the inner worship of pleasure that causes you to subconsciously reject love of God. Try to abstain from everything, that increases pleasure: sugar, anything that is high in calories, wine, bread, especially meat products. Then, in the absence of all forms of pleasure, it will be easier to feel the need for love.

Love will not appear right away. As the philosopher said, “Everything that is truly great is accomplished through small unnoticeable growth.” But sooner or later, you will feel that the sense of unity with God is a pleasure immeasurably greater, than any pleasure of the soul, spirit and body.

The fact that you are clearly better should not be seen as a triumph. This could have happened much more slowly, the most important triumph is not in the result, but in making the decision to never lose love. So, it appears that you have already won.

***

Dear Sergei Nikolaevich, I watch your discs and have understood that I am happy in this life because I just live and give love to God. But in my soul, which is filled with love, there is a small piece lacking, and this keeps me from taking a full breath. It seems to me, that this piece is missing for a reason, because if it was there, I would have nothing to aim towards, and I will simply lose energy. Is my reasoning correct?

Polina, age 10, Moscow.

I completely agree. We feel happiness when the soul is full love and the feeling of unity with God. Complete happiness will come when our love encompasses the entire universe, and we, likened to the Creator, will become Him. Before this, it is necessary for us to always lack love and complete happiness.

It might be said that inside we are completely happy, because we are one with God, while on the outside we will always lack the fulness of happiness until externally we will become likened to God and will return into him.

***
A huge thank you for your research. I read your books, watch your discs, pray, work on myself. I have looked over my entire life.

In October of 2008, my husband was abducted and killed. I am trying to accept the situation. I cannot understand, why this happened. I have two daughters, the younger was born a sick child.

What am I doing wrong? Are there any other negative situations hanging above our family?

You are doing everything right. It is just that the depth of an underlying problem can exceed our abilities and the speed of change. But it is necessary to change anyway. The most important result is love in the soul. If we are unable to help the body or consciousness in time, it is necessary to accept this. Your energy field contains the possible death of two children. The reason is their huge subconscious pride. Already when they are small, they are ready to hate, wish for the death of a person who shames them, brings misfortune, or destroys the future. The reason is in the father and the mother, but the father passed on negativity several times more. The more we hate people inwardly, the more severely they treat us externally. I have spoken of this more than once.

Also, I would like to say: my books and research do not give a guarantee of health and wellbeing. One should not pass to the commonly accepted religious point of view — if I become Orthodox, Catholic, or Jewish, God must defend me. It is true that God defends us, but he defends and saves love first, because a person is love. He is part of the Creator. And on the outside he is dressed in clothes of the soul, spirit and body.

Neither our own death, nor the death of our close ones, should not be a reason for which we stop striving towards love. On the contrary, disease and death work towards the salvation of love.

Your Husband did not change with time, but this is just an attempt to explain what happened. It is impossible to fully comprehend the will of God. We are born on this earth and leave it by the will of God. We must strive to bring into order our soul, spirit and body, but the final decision is always with the Creator.

PS: There is a lot of work ahead of you tied to the purification of your children. Help their souls, you simultaneously help the soul of your husband and make its existence in the afterworld easier.

***
Sergei Nikolaevich! I agree with you, that poetry must be composed in a state of flight, happiness, being in love and so on.

While my daughter (19 years old) did the opposite, in a moment of deep melancholy wrote long, sad beautiful poems. And now for a year already, not a line. And her answer to me, was full of incomprehension, “How is it possible to write poetry if everything is great in my personal life?!”

I myself find it difficult to rhyme two lines together.

The situation is that we often accept the the state of happiness, flight, being in love, as love. In actuality, this is simply energy, actively circulating in our soul, consciousness and body. While love is not only energy. The feeling of flight and happiness are only positive emotions, while love is all encompassing. Love includes in itself not only positive emotions, but negative ones, not only receiving a prize, but loss, rejection and detachment. That which in your daughter looks like a period of deep melancholy might actually be a period of involuntary detachment.

Pleasure often obscures love from us, leads us away from love, and the aim to always sustain the feeling of happiness, joy, positivity, can imperceptibly turn into a rejection of love. Happiness comes and goes while love is eternal, and in order to sense eternity, we periodically have to lose everything that is temporary. If in a moment of loss we sustain love and strive towards it, then new energy comes, first manifesting as faith — a pull towards creativity and knowledge. And then later the feeling of flight, happiness and being in love appears.

***
I have two questions, one in general and one personal.

The general question is: how does constraining desires differ from repressing desires? Is constraint a week form of repression?

The second question concerns my work on myself. My problem is wild pride, which manifests in everything, even the smallest details. As a consequence, I lead a rather odd way of life. I am without work, without desires, without goals (worldly). Any success in anything leads to a huge burst of pride, incompatible with life.

In August I began working on myself, my soul is purifying, but in the most important, change has not yet happened. The problems come from my mother. It is possible that your commentaries would help me understand and change. Thank you.

The repression of anything is the first stage of annihilation. In the same way, hatred towards somebody is the subconscious desire to kill them. When we try to repress animal desires in order to sense higher feelings, this is the same thing as cutting off one’s feet to make the head feel better.

Constraint is not just the partial repression of a desire. The most important thing is the transformation of our desires into higher feelings.

Repressing sexual desires it is possible to become impotent. A young man wants to drag a girl to bed, he represses this desire and becomes sick with prostatitis. The aim is for him to turn this desire into care for his loved one, courtship, creativity, the feeling of flight and being in love. And when the soul is nourished by higher feelings, then it is alright to act on the needs of the body.

Lately, scientists, having performed experiments, proved that sex without love destroys the energy levels of a man — makes him weak, because such sex corrupts the soul. Therefore, sexual feelings should not be repressed, they need to be constrained and transformed into the feeling of being in love, into love which then transforms into belief in God.

The modern tendency encourages the opposite: turning love into sex. Then we are surprised as to why men are weakening and degenerating. The modern pull towards the animal state, the worship of lust and wellbeing brings about the fact that the energy coming into our soul, falls through to the levels below, turning to lust, which then is replaced by a burst of pride.

It works in such a way that the degeneration of the soul, concentration on the soul’s happiness, is practically uncurbed by sicknesses. A harsh purification begins, when attachment and aggression come to the level of the spirit and body.

Why does any success bring in its trail a burst of pride and aggression? Because success is a portion of energy that enables your desire to come true. The first portion of energy must always be given to God. Energy must first warm the soul, nourish higher feelings, and only then become abilities, will, management, and the fulfillment of desires of the spirit and body. If, however, the energy falls through to lower levels, first nourishing the interests of the spirit and body, then it becomes necessary to cut off all capabilities in order to save the soul.

This means that it is necessary not to struggle with destiny, but rather to help it: moderate the needs of the spirit and body, detach oneself from lust and concentrate, with a backdrop of detachment and repentance, on love towards God as one’s main source of happiness. And when this becomes habit and enters the subconscious, then a new portion of energy will turn into love and the desire to make others happy. It will then turn into abilities and success, but now without the feeling of arrogance, dissatisfaction and judgment.

So a happy period of your life has come. Enjoy.

***

Thank you for the help, that you give people.

During the last seminar, you analyzed my problem. You said the the situation was catastrophic, and everything happening to me was tied to the fact that somebody in my female ancestry had been involved in the occult.

My great grandmother was beaten to death by her husband while she was still young. She had given birth every year, and left behind six children younger than six years of age. Their father threw them out on the street. They begged. My grandmother was three years old. My grandmother loved to play cards and told fortunes (very often), for herself. At the age of 69 she had a kidney removed, was diagnosed with cancer, and was told that she had less then a year left to live. She lived for another 17 years. She had a great zest for life. My mother, despite everything going well in her life overall, often repeated, “Why did I give birth to them? They only bring about misfortune.” There are two of us. The problems were with my older sister, and my mother rejected us both. She died at the age of 75 from cancer of the pancreas. I was melancholic from childhood. From the age of 30 my sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia and has an awful character.

Can love for cards cripple descendants in such a way, or is it merely a transitional stage in the degeneration of a family?

Lately, I either feel significant change in my soul, or everything builds up again, and I have just enough time to sort through it all. Where am I not working enough?

The higher a person’s development, the more he should believe in God. Any woman, in order to give birth to a healthy child, must willingly or involuntarily put love for God above the soul, spirit and body. Only then with the energy necessary for the child’s life come forth.

Very few are able to achieve this voluntarily. Involuntary detachment is made possible through weakness, illness, abasement. A most effective purification happens through men. If a woman feels superior to her husband, and does not see God’s will in what happens to her, she will be unable to accept humiliation. Instead of love, hate will gather in her soul. The smarter, more beautiful, more talented a woman, the more difficult it is for her to accept abasement. Material values, wealthy parents, a high position in society help the development of pride, superiority towards others, strengthen the tendencies of contempt and judgement. Money, wellbeing are great wealth. High spirituality, exceptional abilities are a far greater wealth. Abilities abruptly appear upon contact with subtle planes, which is often caused by a demonstrated interest in foretelling the future. Fortunetelling and occultism is similar.

By the way, many believers, coming to church, practice occultism without even having the faintest suspicion of this, because instead of prayers recite spells. God, for them, is a means of acquiring health and wellbeing.

How does a prayer differ from a spell? While praying, a person feels that he is secondary, and God is primary. When a person says a spell, he puts himself first, and the words of the spell are used by him as a means of fulfilling his own desires. An occultist, a spell caster, for the achievement of his goals can use icons and prayers, strengthening in this way his own pride and destroying his future.

Your great grandmother obviously had great abilities and a high level of spirituality. It seems that there were also experiments with the occult. This might have been with love spells, fortunetelling, incantations. The more often a person uses such techniques, the more actively he subconsciously puts himself in first place and God in second. Such a person can externally accept humiliation, and wont even try to get revenge, but inwardly he will always hate. For a woman, and especially for her children, such a tendency is very dangerous.

Your great grandmother, it seems, had a huge subconscious aggression towards her husband. This could lead either to the death of her husband, or to the death of her children. She was given death as a chance to save her children. Still, pride was inherited by all of them.

Yet the desire to control the future and try fortunetelling is secondary. It is probable that before this, your great grandmother committed a crime against love: either she did not want to live, or was unable to cope with infidelity, or for the sake of pleasure inwardly rejected her children. I cannot say now how exactly the first step in losing love towards God happened. However, since your great grandmother was killed, this means that she was ready to kill as well. Like attracts like. Either she wished death to her offenders, or did not want to live, that is, she either wished death to herself, or wished death towards a child, trying to end a pregnancy or inwardly protesting its birth.

Every woman must first overcome within herself the original sin of Eve, that is, worship of lust, and learn how to love.

PS: By the way, how the outcome of love for fortunetelling and foretelling is explained well in the following letter, which I recently received.

***
When reading the third volume of “Educating Parents’, I felt as though the author of the book were sitting with me at the same table, and I was telling him about my personal experience. In 1988, I gave birth to a son. The pregnancy went well, but the birth was very fast. My doctor was my father in law, and in order for my milk not to disappear, he did not trouble me with bad news. I acted very strangely after giving birth. It was as if I was overcome with a feeling of happiness, I constantly wanted to talk to the women who lay with me in the same room, it seemed to me that I had never laughed as much. When I asked where my child was and how he was doing, the doctors told me that everything was fine, and taught me to pump breast milk so there would be plenty. I had enough for two other babies. At that time, new mothers were kept at the hospital from five to fourteen days, depending on the state of the mother and child. I was checked out of the hospital five days later, and my father-in-law immediately told me how things were with my child, “double asphyxia, deformation of the bones of the skull, a broken collar bone, deformation of the hips, total absence of reflexes, deformation of the nose.”

The child was placed into my arms wrapped in a blanket, I was placed in a car and driven to another city, where I was placed in the care of serious specialists, friends of my father-in-law. There, a neurologist, looking over him, said, “Young woman, you are still young,” (I was 19), “You do not need a cripple. This child will not be healthy. Fill out the documents rejecting the child, and do not ruin your life, you will give birth again.”

Without pondering for a second, I wrapped the child in a blanket and said, that I would not give him to anybody. I was driven to another hospital to a pediatrician, and this doctor acted like a true doctor. She did not draw castles for me; rather, having set the diagnosis, said “everything is in your hands. If you want for the child to be alive and healthy, you will have to work on him.”

My child and I were placed in a children’s hospital, where almost all of the children had meningitis — an infectious illness that did not touch my son during our stay at the hospital. We spent 21 days at the hospital. I began feeding my son, weaning him away from feeding aids, with a pipette, then from a medicine bottle, then from a regular bottle, already after we were checked out. The child lay with iv’s in both arms for eight hours a day, on a board from a regular cupboard, as if crucified. During this time it was necessary to straighten his nose, using massage, and turn his head five degrees every seven minutes. Both doctors and nurses helped, teaching me massage and techniques for straightening the skull. In this period, not yet knowing the books of S.N. Lazarev, not understanding how to act in such a situation, I sensed a feeling of warmth, joy, calm, and grace previously unknown to me. Fear and worry about the future were absent, I did not feel fatigue, had no regrets or dissatisfaction with destiny.

Now my son is 21 years old. At two months of age he was already like all healthy children, and now he is studying to work in an ambulance, wants to then be a doctor.

I’ve tried to return to this feeling, remembering it, but I was never again able to do so — I had feelings of flight and happiness but they were different. Probably this is given only at moments when a person stands on the edge of life and death — on the verge between one state and the other.

Probably above they knew, that six years after the birth of my son, I would come upon the books of S.N. Lazarev, and that with all of the fibers of my soul I would work on its transformation. That I would change, and my perception of the world would become different. This is what I teach my children now, as I continue changing myself.

It is true what the wise men said, “The future is not ahead, it is behind.” Maybe one of the pages of my life will help somebody.

With gratitude to God…

PS: my story is absolutely autobiographical, and I will be happy if you use it in your books and it helps someone come out of a difficult situation.

First about the child. Asphyxia, problems with the lungs are testimony to a troubled soul because of heightened pride. A disfigured scalp is an abasement of consciousness, also pointing to heightened pride, an excessive concentration on consciousness. A broken collarbone indicates problems with descendants, a heightened subconscious aggression of future children. A deformation of the hips is a sign that children might not come to be. A deformation of the nose is an abasement of pride. All of this says that the parents of the child, especially the mother, worshiped the future. In such cases usually the feeling of superiority, fear of the future, melancholy and vengefulness are present. In addition to all of this, the concept of spiritual and material power is perceived as the meaning of life. The more beautiful, smart, spiritual a woman, the harsher her charecter, the smaller her chances of giving birth to a healthy child when belief in God is absent.

This letter does not mention certain interesting details, that could shed some light on these events. I spoke with this woman, and she told me that from childhood she had discovered psychic abilities. She foretold using cards, with great accuracy. When a person knows his destiny, he then has no need to depend on love and faith. Most important for him becomes knowledge, the ability to control his destiny. Interest in magic, fortunetelling, healing, for a young woman yet without children, can lead to tragedy.

However, when the woman received a sick child into her arms, who practically had no future, she intuitively shifted towards love, readiness to sacrifice, determination to spend her whole life taking care of the sick child, the absence of fear for the future — all of this opened the future and put love in first place. The mother healed the child not just through external actions but first of all through her own inner state. It is the inner state that determines the effectiveness of any therapy. Christ said, that a person who buries his talent into the ground will be punished. A talent is a piece of silver with a certain weight. This ‘talent’ of silver symbolizes the work, effort spent, energy given. Love transforms into energy, and he who fears spending this energy, does not want to care for, sacrifice, overcome obstacles, is punished, first of all, with the deterioration of the soul. Afterwards, his destiny and health also fall apart.

In the end, the one who wins is the one who is not afraid to love and sacrifice, one who does not become lost when choosing his most important life priorities.

***
I was extremely happy. That day I found out who I was… I was God! That is, more precisely, a Goddess, but… Isn’t it true that God cannot have gender? So, I am just God.

I tried this unfamiliar and incomprehensible word: God. I repeated the phrase, silly according to my earlier understanding, “You can just call me ‘God.’” This still sounded a little wild. And still it was the truth. The discovery was so shocking, that it made my head spin. There was a great desire to just label myself insane, but I was not able to. My head was clear as never before.

When did this happen for the first time? Back in that ancient, ninety-something-catastrophic year. I was in business, and an atheist. The ruble fell, the dollar rose with determination, odd laws were being passed, savings burned, businessmen were killed — the country was run by groups of bandits, problems were handled at ‘crossroads,” debts tightened the rope around our necks tighter and tighter. My hair turned grey at such ‘crossroads’ and ‘dealings,” the apartment was at stake, and it seemed it would be necessary to sell it for pennies.

I repeated this phrase, in order to come to terms with it and calm down. Around me, tree leaves swayed in the light breeze, a curious hedgehog stuck his nose out of the long grass, and seeing the dog running towards him, immediately retreated. “Linda!” I did not manage to stop the dog in time and, whimpering piteously, she retreated backwards out of the bushes, mournfully shaking her head. I laughed. It always happens this way; we first hurry forward, and then crawl backwards with needles in our noses.

My German Shepard Linda and I were walking in the woods next to the house. If not for these walks, I probably would have long ago gone crazy, or just keeled over from the constant extraordinary stress. The walks were a breath of fresh air — without ‘crossroads’ and ‘dealings,” without thoughts about where to get money and how to feed the children. In these hours, I let myself relax and forget everything, forgetting about the surrounding wild reality.

However, during those days, forgetting was becoming more and more difficult. Walking, I always remembered that next to my front door there would be people waiting for me. And at some point the day would come when I would not come up to my apartment. And perhaps that day would be today.

I sighed. Why, oh why, did I let my husband go to the ‘crossroads’. So what that he is a man? He is a man of course, but now it will be necessary to sell the apartment. Never in my life would I take upon myself another person’s debt of one hundred million. While he took pity on a young man and his wife. They could have been killed, and promised that there was a deal and there was a product. And now, they could kill my husband, as well as me and our children. But nobody was interested. Least of all, the young man. And there was nowhere to go for help — nobody needed our problems. A despair was beginning to take hold which was becoming more opaque with every day. Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere to go… if only… I even stopped in my tracks. But I didn’t know any prayers. But forget it, who cares about the text? And unexpectedly for myself I began to pray, gathering together words heard somewhere and sometime.

“God! Save and forgive my children! God, help me, do something! I have nobody left but You. God, I love You!”

I sat in the grass smearing snot and tears on my face. Linda jumped around beside me and whimpered from incomprehension and empathy.

“God! God! God! I do not know what to do!”

Numbed and worn down, I hit my fist against a tree until it bled. Then, exhausted, I fell to the ground a for a long time stared into the blue sky. Slowly the understanding came: did I really come to believe in God?

“Yes!” Everything inside was screaming. “This is now my secret and I am no longer alone in this harsh world.”

A wave of happiness came over me; why? From what? And from somewhere words came, and I began repeating them sincerely, from all of my wearied soul.

“God, thank You, for the fact that, however fearful this moment, I gained You, and believed in You, and felt Your love! Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Thank you, God!”

I walked home calm, peaceful, and confident that now everything would sort itself out. It is true that I did not know how, but that was not my concern. It was not like I could give Him advice. I carelessly nodded to the bandits by the entrance to my building, and told them with such confidence, “Tomorrow!” that they, confused by my sudden arrogance, forgot to react while I entered the building importantly.

My husband and son were sleeping. I drank tea in the kitchen and also prepared for bed when the telephone rang.

“Listen!” the familiar voice of an old friend yelled into my ear, “There is a contract for two trucks of vodka, to sell. Will you take it?”

“Things like this do not happen,” I whispered to myself, but was heard.

“They happen!”

“I will take it!” I screamed, waking not only the people sleeping in the apartment but the entire building. “I will take it, Lord!”

On the other side of the line there was the sound of happy laughter.

When did this sensation of unity re-occur?

I was being pushed in a chair through the corridors of the local hospital.

“Where?” One nurse asked another. “Maybe not to a separate room, but to a communal one?”

I began to worry. “Why a communal room if a separate one is possible?”

The nurses looked at me with such sincere empathy that I was surprised. It was only later that I found out that separate rooms were reserved for the dying, so as not to be seen by others.

“The doctor said, a separate room.” the nurse repeated. I calmed down. When I ended up in bed I felt completely peaceful, already just from the fact that I didn’t need to go anywhere, that I no longer owed anybody anything, and all of my responsibilities had come to an end. I felt a strange detachment from the surrounding world and I was absolutely indifferent to what was happening in it. Nothing and nobody interested me. I had acquired the right to rest and that was good. I was left alone with myself, with my soul, with my life. Just Me and Me. My problems went away. The hustle, the important questions, left. All of the running around after the momentary seemed so small in comparison with Eternity, Life and Death, the unexplored waiting for us beyond nothingness.

And then, real Life began whirling around me! It turns out, it is so wonderful: birds singing in the morning, a beam of sunlight creeping along the wall above the bed, the golden leaves of the tree waving to my window, the deep blue autumn sky, the sounds of the city waking, the cars signaling, the click of hurrying high heels on the asphalt, the rustle of falling leaves… God, how wonderful Life is! And I only now understood it.

“Thats alright,” I told myself, “You did come to understand it. And you still have a couple of days to take pleasure in it and come to love it with all of your heart.”

The freedom and happiness that had overcome me demanded an outlet, and I appealed to God, as He was closer than anybody to me.

“God!” I exclaimed joyously, “Thank You for giving me the opportunity to discover how wonderful life is, and to come to love it. If even just before death, but I discovered how wonderful it is to be alive!”

I was being filled by a feeling of calm happiness, peace, freedom, as well as an echoing height. The world rang and shimmered with the golden light of God’s Love. I felt these strong waves of its energy. It seemed that love had become condensed, and a the same time soft and transparent, like the ocean’s wave. It filled all of the space around, and even the air became heavy and did not pass into the lungs right away, pouring in a slow, pulsating stream. It seemed to me that everything I saw, filled up with this golden light and energy. I Loved. This was like a fusion of the power of Bach’s music for the organ and the melody of a violin rising to the heavens.

The separate room and the diagnosis “Severe leukosis in the fourth stage,” as well as the irreversible state of my body as confirmed by the doctor, had their advantages. Everyone was admitted to the dying, and at any hour. My relatives were advised to call close ones for the funeral, and a string of grieving relatives came to say goodbye. I understood their trouble: what is there to talk about with a dying person? Especially one who knows this. I found it funny to look at their lost faces. I was happy: when else would I have seen them all? And more than anything in the world, I wanted to share with them my love for Life; isn’t it impossible to be unhappy, just being alive? I cheered up my relatives and friends however I could: told jokes, stories from my life. Everyone, thank God, laughed and the goodbyes went by in an atmosphere of happiness and joy. Somewhere on the third day I got tired of lying in bed, I began walking around the room and sitting by the window. A doctor came upon me while I was doing this, and was hysterical about the fact that I was not to get up.

I was sincerely surprised.

“Will this change anything?”

“No.” Now the doctor was lost, “But you cannot walk.”

“Why?”

“Your analyses are that of a corpse. You cannot be alive, yet you are getting up.”

The four days I had been given to live went by. Instead of dying I was gulping down sausage and bananas with an appetite. I felt good. The doctor felt bad: she didn’t understand a thing. The analysis did not change. My blood dripped in a faint pinkish hew, and I began coming out into the hall to watch television.

I felt sorry for the doctor. And love demanded the happiness of the people surrounding me.

“Doctor, how would you like these analysis to be?”

“Well at least so.”

She quickly jotted down some numbers and letters. I did not understand a thing but read it carefully. The doctor looked at me, murmured something under her nose and left.

At nine in the morning she burst into my room with a yell.

“How are you doing this?”

“What am I doing?”

“The analysis. They are just what I wrote down for you.”

“Oh! How should I know? And who cares?”

The easy life ended. I was transferred to the communal room. My relatives had already said goodbye and no longer came by. In the room there were another five women. They lay staring at the wall, and gloomily, silently, actively died. I was able to stand three hours. My Love began to suffocate. It was necessary to immediately do something. Rolling a watermelon from under the bed I pulled it up onto a table, cut it up, and loudly announced.

“Watermelon curbs the nausea after chemotherapy.”

The room filled up with the aroma of fresh snow. The others slowly pulled themselves up to the table.

“Does it really curb it?”

“Yep,” I answered knowingly, thinking to myself, ‘who the hell knows.”

The watermelon began crunching juicily.

“It really did go away,” said the one who lay by the window and walked on crutches.

“For me too. For me too.” the others happily confirmed.

“There.” I nodded with satisfaction, “And at one point I had a situation… Do you know the joke about that?”

At two in the morning a nurse looked into the room indignantly. “When are you planning to stop laughing? You are not letting anybody sleep on this floor.

In three days, the doctor hesitantly asked me.

“Could you please transfer to another room?”
“Why?”

“In this room everyone’s state has become better, while next door there are many serious cases.”

“No!” my neighbors screamed, “We will not let her go.”

They did not let me go, but others began coming to our room. Just to sit, to talk, to laugh. And I understood why. It was just that our room was an abode of Love. It wrapped everyone in a golden wave and everyone felt comfortable and calm.

I especially liked a girl from Bashkiria who was about 16, a white scarf tied in a knot at the back of her head. The ends of the scarf, sticking up in different directions, made her look like a bunny. She had cancer of the lymph nodes, and I thought that she did not know how to smile. And in a week I saw what a charming and shy smile she had. And when she said, that the medicines had begun to take effect and she was beginning to get better, we had a celebration, setting a fancy table crowned with bottles of Kumus, which quickly made us tipsy, and then went on to dancing.

The stationed doctor who came because of the noise first watched us, startled, and then said:

“I have worked here for thirty years, but this I am seeing for the first time.”

He turned on his heals and left. We laughed for a long time, remembering the expression on his face. Everything was good.

I read books, wrote poetry, looked out the window, talked with my neighbors, walked in the corridor, and loved everything that I saw so much: a book, a glass of compote, a neighbor, a car outside the window, an old tree. I was given vitamin injections. It was necessary to inject something. The doctor barely spoke to me, just looked at me strangely when she passed by, and in three weeks quietly said.

“Your hemoglobin is 20 units above the norm for a healthy person. It is not necessary to make it any higher.”

It seemed that she was angry with me for something. Technically it seemed that she had been an idiot and had make a mistake in diagnosis, but that couldn’t be, and she also knew this.

Once she complained to me.

“I cannot confirm your diagnosis, you are getting better even though nobody is treating you, and that is impossible.”

“What is my diagnosis?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” She answered quietly and left. When I was checked out, the doctor confessed.

“It is such a pity that you are leaving, we still have a lot of serious cases.”

Everyone in our room recovered. In the department, the death rate for that month was thirty percent less than the norm.

Life continued. Only my view of it was becoming different. It seemed that I had begun to look at the world from above, and because of this the scale of my view on what was happening changed. And the meaning of life turned out to be so simple and accessible. It was just necessary to learn how to love, and then your possibilities become limitless, and all desires will come true, if, of course, you will form these desires with love and will not trick anybody, will not envy, will not take offense, or wish anybody ill. Everything is so simple, and so complicated.

It is true that God is Love. It is only necessary to remember in time that you are God!..

Can a leaf on a tree call itself the tree? It can! Only not in the literal but in the figurative sense. Otherwise it will begin to have a mania of grandeur, and it will begin to impose its will on the tree. Can a cell call itself the organism? It can, but if it forgets that on the external level it is still its part, it will put its will in first place and will become cancerous.

So overall, a person has just two problems. The first problem is not to forget that a human being is love, that in essence any person is Divine, that everyone is united in God. So a person may be called God. The second problem is not to forget that you are a person so as not to turn into a cancerous tumor.

When a person understands that he is dying, when he sees how his body falls apart, knows that soon consciousness will deteriorate, along with all attachments and feelings that tie him to this world, then the only thing left to hope for is love. Being freed from all worries and attachments, the soul receives an immense amount of energy, and if it strives towards God, then a person begins to feel that he is one with God, that he is God. But this is an illusion. A son is united with his father on a subtle plane, but is not his father. Christ said, that he was one with the Creator, but did not permit anybody to call him God.

The feeling of unity with God provides love in the soul. But complete identification with God can appear only at the very end of the existence of the universe. If a person, returning to his regular life, to his tasks, worries, and attachments, continues to consider himself God, then a deification of his body, consciousness and soul will occur, and then it is quite possible that the previous diagnosis can return.

For this reason the first rule is not forgetting that we are Divine.

The second rule is strengthening your unity with God, opening your Divine essence.

The third rule is not forgetting you are a human being.